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Original poster

What have you done that still haunts you?

58 replies

RocketSurgery · 01/04/2019 22:31

When I was training to be a nurse in our first year we had to do a few weeks in various different environments. One of my placements was in a preschool and I was really, really loving it. Until after about a week when one of the teachers asked for a quiet word and said that a couple of parents had complained that I’d called their children a nonce. I apologised and said I didn’t realise it would upset anyone and what should I call them if they are being a bit of a nonce. I then remember teacher looking at me as if I had gone mad and said ‘Um, what do you think a nonce is?’ I thought it meant a nitwit/ silly billy/ a bit daft Blush. That was over 15 years ago now and I still get cold sweats thinking about it.

I have toothache and can’t sleep so please someone tell me something you’ve done that is more embarrassing than that.

OP posts:
cakedup · 01/04/2019 22:38

I fell down the stairs, landed on a colleague who was in front of me and farted. This was fairly recent and I'm still trying to get over it.

Palominoo · 01/04/2019 22:43

That's hilarious!

On my home I passed a small group of Jehovahs Witnesses walking along, around the corner from where I live.

I pulled over and called out saying, "Please can you not knock on my house (address)" and I indicated where I lived. "It sets my dogs off, thank you."

This was a lie as my dogs don't react but they don't know that and I thought I'd saved myself from a visit from them.

They looked rather perplexed and one of the women said, "We're not knocking on doors, we have been to a funeral".

I'd mistaken their smart black attire as them being Jehovah's Witnesses and they were mourners heading back to a house. CRINGE.

Another time I was at a wedding and as we came out of the church there was a grave with flowers and a large set of flowers spelling out SISTER. "Oh that's sad!" I exclaimed loudly. "She must have been a nurse". CRINGE

Chocoholic1972 · 01/04/2019 22:48

After giving birth my sister require stitches and farted in the Drs face as he was doing them!ConfusedWink

Chocoholic1972 · 01/04/2019 22:50

*required

MyKingdomForBrie · 01/04/2019 22:52

I was sashaying down a set of steps towards a guy I wanted to pull who was walking me home, he was standing with a group of mates. All turned to see me coming down stairs, thinking I'm the biz.. fell down the steps. Landed at their feet. Oh GOD the embarrassment.

user1497863568 · 01/04/2019 22:52

I got into conspiracy theories. Still trying to come up for air.

Original poster
RocketSurgery · 01/04/2019 22:53

Another stupid one I’ve done is when I had to drive home for Christmas. There had been a lot of snow and my dsis was telling me about the roundabout at the end of the road that someone had made a snow stone henge sculpture on. I said ‘I don’t know how so many people have time to make these sculptures, I saw so many on the drive down. I’d guess that I saw about 20 car sculptures.’ It was only when I said it out loud that I realised it was just cars covered in snow.

OP posts:
Simonfromharlow · 01/04/2019 22:54

I remember once falling down the stairs in a nightclub while drunk. My handbag got caught so I didn't even actuallly fall down. Just sort of laid down the steps and I couldn't get up as I was laughing so much. My friends never let me live it down. I'm laughing to myself now and it was 20 odd years ago.

MyKingdomForBrie · 01/04/2019 22:59

In case that wasn't clear it was me thinking I was the biz, not them! Especially after I fell at their feet Blush

EleanorOalike · 01/04/2019 23:00

I genuinely thought nonce meant “idiot” until I read your OP Blush.

notharryssally · 01/04/2019 23:02

I have a friend that always refers to people as nonces, most often her boyfriend. I've told her what it means but she either keeps forgetting or just doesn't believe me. So carries on. I think she actually means ponce and I assume she doesn't know what that means either. She's wonderful, I adore her Grin

Ginormoustrawberry · 01/04/2019 23:03

OP - I was once called my dad a nonce in the same vein 🙈

Ginormoustrawberry · 01/04/2019 23:03

I once*

CookPassBabtridge · 01/04/2019 23:04

Aged 18 I had drank most of a bottle of southern comfort and it took my parents two hours just to get me up the stairs to bed. Woke up on the floor and there were piles of poo around me. I felt gross so ran a bath, got in and promptly fell asleep... woke up to it overflowing and flooding the dining room downstairs. Carpets, furniture and wallpaper ruined so parents had to get it all re-done through insurance. Mortifying. Shock

Another drink one... Aged 20 was happily drinking neat vodka with my friend, one moment we're at home having a good time, my next memory is laying on the grass outside a bar and not being able to move, my friend couldn't get me to stand up. I just remember being so drunk that I couldn't move my limbs! He had to flag down some passing police who drove me home Confused

I learnt a lesson about drinking pure spirits both times and have just got tipsy rather than wasted since then.

TansyViola · 01/04/2019 23:05

That's really funny op Grin

notharryssally · 01/04/2019 23:07

@CookPassBabtridge 😂😂😂 Are you saying that your parents left you on the floor, you then must have got up and shat several times on the floor around you?! Jesus Christ, that's excellent Grin

Aimily · 01/04/2019 23:11

I'm another that thought nonce meant plonker until this post 🙈

Original poster
RocketSurgery · 01/04/2019 23:17

I’m so glad I’m not the only one who’s been calling daft people paedophiles.

OP posts:
fullprice · 01/04/2019 23:17

I can understand te mix up with nonce. It somehow seems like a soft word, like ‘wally’

And OP - the car statues?! Ha ha ha ha ha
Brillant

CookPassBabtridge · 01/04/2019 23:19

notharryssally Yes 😂😂 My last memory was chatting away to a friend on msn, next moment I'm waking up in the morning on my bedroom floor with poo around me. My parents later told me how long it took to get me up the stairs but never mentioned anything else so they didn't witness poogate. What a sight that must have been! I woke up with all my clothes on properly and the poo was in such neat piles. Really wish I could watch what happened 😳😂

Chocolateisfab · 01/04/2019 23:22

Simonfromharlow I tripped up stairs in a nightclub and grabbed the first thing - which was was a lad young enough to be my ds - by the jeans. Which fell to his ankles.. Luckily he had boxer shorts on!!
Mortified.
This was before my first drink!

Redorangeyellowgreen · 01/04/2019 23:24

Oh my god I just googled nonce - I had no idea! I also thought it just meant "a bit daft"!

Fortunately it's not a word I use often!!!

Papergirl1968 · 01/04/2019 23:27

I was walking down the steps of a plane fantasising about being Sophia Loren or someone equally gorgeous sashaying off a private jet in Monte Carlo or somewhere glam, instead of the reality which was an EasyJet flight to Scotland.
The toggle of my jacket caught round the handrail and I boomeranged back up several steps, creating a domino effect with everyone behind me piling into each other.
I freed myself and scuttled red faced into the sanctuary of the arrivals hall, leaving them to sort themselves out.

thenightsky · 01/04/2019 23:28

I'm not sure I'd be 'haunted' by funny things like PPs.

Glad I read before posting though...

notharryssally · 01/04/2019 23:28

@CookPassBabtridge brilliant 😂 I am chuckling away at that, it's really tickled me Grin

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