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Original poster

My Husband Has Left

52 replies

disneygirl26 · 31/03/2019 21:59

4 weeks ago when I came back off holiday my husband told me he's not in love with me anymore and was going back to his dad's. He had taken most of his clothes out of the wardrobe but has left anything valuable and sentimental, left his shoes etc. When I ask him what he wants to do with his stuff or what is going on he wouldn't answer me. He's been hot and cold, for the first 2 weeks of our split he text me, called me to see how I was and saw me a couple of times a week and we would talk and make progress but then something changed, in the last 2 weeks he has said he'll see me and when I recommend dates/times he wouldn't reply. He says he'll call then doesn't but if you call him he wouldn't answer. He's said he's considering coming home. If I say he's sending mixed messages he says he isn't and yesterday text me to say he's happier without me and 100% with his decision and he's ignored me because he's annoyed that no one believes that this is the right decision. We've been together for 7 years but only married for 10 months and before this happened he didn't give any inclining he wasn't happy. The day before he did this he'd even got for breakfast with my dad talking about booking me a holiday for my birthday and 2 weeks before we had a normal Valentine's Day. I'm so confused about what to do! If I don't talk to him he finds a reason why I've annoyed him and if I talk to him he says I've annoyed him and ignores me anyway!

OP posts:
SilverySurfer · 01/04/2019 14:24

I agree to bagging up his stuff but I wouldn't be taking it to his dads; tell him the bags are being put outside at a time/date. If they are not removed they will go straight into the rubbish bins. He thinks he's keeping a foot in the door by leaving stuff behind. Prove him wrong.

Be strong, even if you feel like screaming - if necessary fake it. He's keeping you dangling. Tell him in no uncertain terms that is not going to happen.

Good luck OP.

Original poster
disneygirl26 · 01/04/2019 14:37

Thank you everyone. I said if you're happy, have no regrets and are 100% you should have no problem saying that to my face as we aren't teenagers and I've had radio silence since then but if I talk about feelings he kicks off and says to stop "waffling on". It's only been in the last week or 2 he's been so unpleasant. Guess it's a breakup for him as well so he's at the angry stage!

OP posts:
TightPants · 01/04/2019 14:41

He sounds awful OP, you’ll be well rid.

I’d put money on there being someone else in the picture, and he’s hoping to hedge his bets.
You’ve had some great advice, don’t let him take you for a mug.

Interested in this thread?

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Relationship problems
Original poster
disneygirl26 · 01/04/2019 15:10

He's definitely handled this awfully! He can't run forever

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 01/04/2019 15:17

Men only seem to go when another woman is involved.
Classic it is your fault.
He can freely cheat as your broken up....
I'd bag it and take it to his dad's house , otherwise he will try to accuse you of dumping his things.
Do no let him back, you will spend a life bending over backwards to please him.
Your MH will suffer, and he won't respect you anyway

Palominoo · 01/04/2019 15:52

I agree with your husband, you do need to stop 'waffling on' to him and simply say, "Good riddance" as you turn your back on him.

Have you got joint finances? You need to sort them out ASAP.

Original poster
disneygirl26 · 02/04/2019 08:31

Yes we do and I've sorted them. He just refuses to communicate aboout paying any bills

OP posts:
Gramgram · 02/04/2019 09:03

Agree with others, pack up all his stuff and get legal advice. Change the locks so he can't return whenever he pleases.

Take care of yourself.

Bluntness100 · 02/04/2019 09:08

Take control of this.

Tell him

You love him and wish the marriage to work.
You cannot live like this any longer,
As such, how to proceed is his decision.
He has until next week to decide.
At that date you will pack up all his stuff and he needs to collect.
In the meantime you are seeing a solicitor to understand the legal and financial implications,
Tell him you won't be in contact now until the date set.
You'd appreciate if he doesn't contact you. You won't respond if he does. He Needs to take the time to decide.

And then stick to it.

Original poster
disneygirl26 · 02/04/2019 09:48

Thanks everyone! I sent him a text on Friday saying how we could fix it and that I still love him but he told me I have to stop saying this stuff as he's happier without me (sure he is as he has no respinsibilities and his dad doing everything). He said he's going to ignore me and has since Sunday. I know he's off Thursday so said I don't care if you're pissed off, I'm pissed off too but we need to sort you collecting your stuff. You've got this chance or it will be going the charity shop will see what he replies!

OP posts:
MegaClutterSlut · 02/04/2019 10:08

I would stop playing nice now. Tell him to get his shit out of your house and mean business. If he thinks you mean business and he's still undecided on what to do, it might make him realise what he's about to loose. If he's being serious about the split then he won't care but at least you'll know.

You've told him how you feel about him, I honestly wouldn't repeat myself to him. Don't do the pick me dance, all the time your doing this, he's in no rush to come back if that's what he wants to do

MumUnderTheMoon · 02/04/2019 10:18

Why are you hanging around waiting for him to come and get his stuff? Bag it up and drop it at his dads front door. Then head home and change the locks. Have some self respect do not run after this man any longer.

Clutterbugsmum · 02/04/2019 10:21

Well as he is 'happier' with out then clear all his stuff from the house and dump it his dad's, and tell his dad that as he happier without you then you are moving forward with your life and he can get on with his.

Carry on with getting all the information to the solicitor for a divorce.

And yes he will kick off because you are taking control and he's doesn't like it as he got a plan in his head and that what timeline he working too.

Original poster
disneygirl26 · 02/04/2019 10:40

Thats what I'm doing. I've said to him this morning I'm sick of you shit and you need to make plans to get your stuff out the house. Speaking to each other will mean we both feel better and can close the chapter

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 02/04/2019 10:44

Do you have children together?

Why are you telling a man who's left you that you love him? Even if you do (for some odd reason) just keep it to yourself. He doesn't deserve your love right now.

HollowTalk · 02/04/2019 10:45

Do you own or rent your home? Can you afford to stay in it without him?

Calzone · 02/04/2019 10:45

Just bag up his stuff and sling it by the front door.

Text him to tell him where it is.

Then ignore him.

Can you afford to pay for the house on your own?

I would book a night out with friends and have a great time. Don’t beg or plead. Your silence will drive him mad.

Good luck. 💐

Original poster
disneygirl26 · 02/04/2019 11:30

Night out is definitely in order! The last one I saw him as he’s a policeman and was on duty, typical! The house is mortgages but he’s not replying to pay his half, he paid when he first went. I’ve text his dad about coming to get his stuff

OP posts:
SilverySurfer · 02/04/2019 17:48

He has until next week to decide.

Please don't do this. You've tried to talk to him about about your feelings which he doesn't want to know. Why should you be kept hanging waiting for him to decide? Would you seriously take him back after this?

Go out and have some fun, you deserve it.

Original poster
disneygirl26 · 03/04/2019 11:51

I haven’t even thought about what the next steps are. All I know is I want to be given some respect and be listened too!

OP posts:
Original poster
disneygirl26 · 06/04/2019 17:50

Just wanted to say thank you all for your advice. We met yesterday and he basically blamed me for everything that's gone wrong, said his feelings will never come back. He asked me to let him go an be happy and find someone who is easy to love so I've had my last cry and it's time to move on!

OP posts:
Palominoo · 06/04/2019 18:00

As much as you hurt its better that he made his feelings clear.

Onwards and upwards. Yes you will hurt for awhile but he wasn't prepared to work at your marriage of only ten months so you now have the chance to meet someone else later on who understands what being dedicated to someone means and who will respect and cherish you and if you get married again, your wedding vows.

Original poster
disneygirl26 · 07/04/2019 13:43

Exactly! I had already let him out of my heart as much as possible, Friday just closed it. I know even if he comes back and asks to try again in a few weeks, even months I'd say no as I have more self respect and cannot let myself go through anything like this again. It's a blessing in disguise as we can both go and find someone who makes us happy. There's a person in work who I've known for 2 years, we've always got on. He was telling me about his struggles recently and I just blurted out what's happening with this situation. He's been really supportive and trying to cheer me up. We've never really seen each other outside of work but we're going the pub on Friday for a drink. He makes me feel valued as he actually listens to me and the conversation is easy. I haven't been listened to properly in a long time as my husband never really listened when I wanted to talk about my day or emotions etc. It's not a date, its just a drink so I'm not sure if I should tell my husband? He told me is just wants to be alone, he isn't interested in a relationship, isn't speaking to any girls and hasn't slept with anyone since we split. I just think if I tell him it's going to push him over the edge when he's already so angry.

OP posts:
Palominoo · 07/04/2019 13:48

Why would you tell him anything about your personal life? You have split up.

Do t do sown the route of thinking it will make him jealous.

You only need to talk to your husband about financial matters regarding the split or better still cease all contact and communicate through a third party such as a relative or legal representative.

It's over.

Original poster
disneygirl26 · 07/04/2019 14:13

I just thought it might be respectful to tell him just in case someone sees us and runs back and says its a date. We aren't talking, I don't want to talk to him. The only reason I've been trying to contact him is to meet up so he can say to my face what's going on instead of texting me and now that's done it feels over. Right now he's saying he doesn't want to take half the house that he's entitled to but if he gets angry I don't know what he'll do as he hasn't exactly been very rational in this whole situation!

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