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Original poster

Great Mothers Day article about not being a mother

26 replies

rightreckoner · 31/03/2019 12:02

I am a mother but I get every word of this Times article about the cult of parenthood.

here

Love Janice Turner

OP posts:
EnidButton · 31/03/2019 13:51

I love this. It's really helped. Thank you for sharing.

Not sure how popular a column it'll be here but I appreciate it.

Original poster
rightreckoner · 31/03/2019 14:19

Good! I’d like to send it to my childless (free) friends who are so brilliant. But I don’t want to be an arse. We don’t really talk about this stuff but I agree with every word Janice says.

OP posts:
captainprincess · 31/03/2019 14:21

I can't read this without having to subscribe? Looks interesting though.

GoldPaperStars · 31/03/2019 14:31

That’s brilliant. Thanks for sharing.

Sigh81 · 31/03/2019 14:32

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SilverySurfer · 31/03/2019 14:45

Brilliant article and couldn't be more true. I couldn't have children so have just had to suffer the pitying looks over the years while those who are childfree by choice are constantly bombarded by people demanding to know why they have made that choice.

LostInShoebiz · 31/03/2019 16:14

Amen to that.

Olivetoil · 31/03/2019 17:08

Pretending you have a child who has died of leukaemia for shock value is fucking horrendous. Can't get past it.

Howyoualldoworkme · 31/03/2019 17:16

So why not have a Non Mothers Day? I think people would be happy with that?
Most of us have someone who has been like a mother to us, we could appreciate them on their own special day without pissing all over Mothering Sunday?
I also agree with Olivetoil that that's a horrendous thing to do Sad

Luglio · 31/03/2019 17:24

The leukaemia comment was a bit strong, granted.

I always say that I'm not allowed to have children and do my best wild eyed stare.

Cyw2018 · 31/03/2019 17:37

As a mother who didn't have a child until 37 this article certainly resonates, and I hope I won't become "one of those parents".

In the past on forums (more than real life) I have had the classic comments of not understanding/ not being entitled to an opinion on feelings and ethics around cases of sick and dying kids.

I am a paramedic with 15 years experience, I can guarantee I have seen more sick/ dying children than any no HCP parent. Most parents (fortunately) have little or no experience of this, but apparently they "know" about it in a way that I couldn't possibly. Despite me having had a mother screaming over and over "make him breath again" as I did CPR on her son, or having a colleuges toddler neice go into cardiac arrest as we pulled up at hospital, or locking myself in the a&e toilet to hide from listening to the primal screams of a mother being told that her son, who we couldn't save, has died. But, hey what could I possibly know, or add to a conversation, until that pivitol moment when I popped out a sprog if my own!!!

Parents, like anybody, can be extremely insensitive and invalidating of others experiences, and should be called out on it.

GucciDay · 31/03/2019 17:39

'Pretending you have a child who has died of leukaemia for shock value is fucking horrendous. Can't get past it.'

Totally agree. Awful chip on her shoulder. Just get on with it, no one cares if you have kids or not.

ChidiAnnaKendrick · 31/03/2019 17:46

It reads like a pile of selfish, self centred shit. May as well write ‘but look at ME.’

PurpleDaisies · 31/03/2019 17:48

Parents, like anybody, can be extremely insensitive and invalidating of others experiences, and should be called out on it.

I agree with this. Pretending you’ve had a child due of leukaemia is utterly morally reprehensible.

Cyw2018 · 31/03/2019 17:50

'Pretending you have a child who has died of leukaemia for shock value is fucking horrendous. Can't get past it.'

On the surface of it is horrendous, but what about all the "childless" parents who have been bereaved and would love to make that comment in the same circumstances but don't have the confidence, or can't because they know they wouldn't be able to without breaking down.

Yes, it was shock value, but hopefully taught a valuable lesson on behalf of all people who would love to be parents but aren't for whatever reason.

GucciDay · 31/03/2019 17:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cyw2018 · 31/03/2019 17:55

What?

The comments have been on forums like these, not by parents in the heat of the moment.

PurpleDaisies · 31/03/2019 17:55

On the surface of it is horrendous, but what about all the "childless" parents who have been bereaved and would love to make that comment in the same circumstances but don't have the confidence, or can't because they know they wouldn't be able to without breaking down.

You are working so hard to try and justify this comment. In the surface it looks horrendous because it is horrendous. You can’t invent a dead child to make a point. It demeans those parents who have lost children.

JustHereForThePooStories · 31/03/2019 17:56

Meh.

I don’t really see what this has to do with Mother’s Day. It just sounds like she’s trying to find something to be offended about. It’s like an atheist writing about Christmas masses. Stop making it about you.

(I’m a childfree atheist, BTW)

Howyoualldoworkme · 31/03/2019 17:56

I worked for a long time in a profession that traditionally has more childless/single women. I would say the majority of my friends don't have children. I have three. There was never any one upmanship or 'pity' on either side.
Why would there be? Both states have pluses and minuses.
And even if you do have children Mothering Sunday can sometimes be just be another day.

GucciDay · 31/03/2019 17:57

'but what about all the "childless" parents who have been bereaved and would love to make that comment in the same circumstances but don't have the confidence, or can't because they know they wouldn't be able to without breaking down.'

2 totally different things. Bereaved, grief stricken parents suffer terribly.

A self obsessed person using a made up child's death to shock others is totally sick.

ScreamScreamIceCream · 31/03/2019 18:01

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tectonicplates · 31/03/2019 18:03

Can people please stop using the words interchangeably. "Child free" is correct term for those who've chosen not to have children. "Childless" is used more for those who want to but can't.

Cyw2018 · 31/03/2019 18:29

We don't know from the article whether the women was childfree by choice or childless by circumstance.

Whilst using a fictional child with leukemia might not have been ideal, maybe the truth wouldn't have conveyed how she actually felt quite so well. What she might have correctly said was

"After surviving cervical cancer in my 20s i was rendered infertile"

"My one child was still born, my relationship brokedown and I never fell pregnant again"

"After a decade of IVF I had to concede I would never have a child of my own"

"I wasted my fertile years being strung along by some prick and missed out on being a parent"

To that women her grief at being childless is going to be no less real. So she might have just gone with a short, succinct, shock value lie to convey how she felt.

Equally she may have been childfree by choice and sick of listening to someone else's child on a game console, who didn't really think through the significance and insensitivity of what she was saying.

Who knows.

PurpleDaisies · 31/03/2019 18:31

Whilst using a fictional child with leukemia might not have been ideal

Not a fictional child. A fictional DEAD child.

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