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Original poster

Finding this weird - hand me down clothes

41 replies

Slippingcareer · 26/03/2019 17:05

My PIL are very generous people, as an example, when I was pregnant they told me to pick the cot I wanted and they were buying it. They’ve also bought my son whose 7mths lots of gifts etc. They have other grandsons who are in the age range 7-10 years.

When I was pregnant I didn’t find out the sex of the baby but they sent up a bag of shoes that their grandsons no longer fitted into. I thought it was a bit ridiculous as I could have been having a girl, and also toddler boy shoes don’t tend to stay in good condition! However it was 1 bag so I let it go.

Now they’ve sent up 4 large black bags of boys clothes from 3 mths to 5 years. When I started to sort through it the clothes are in terrible condition, bleach stains, holes, missing buttons, so washed out that I can’t read the size label etc.

Does anyone else agree with me that this is just odd? I am 35, my DH is 42, we are financially ok and only have 1 child.

I have purchased other 2nd items for my son like his pram and next to me crib, so it’s not like I’m precious about everything being brand new.

OP posts:
HarrySnotter · 26/03/2019 17:07

Not odd at all, they're just trying to help. Thank them and if they don't want them back give them to the charity shop. Just don't be ungracious about it.

WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 26/03/2019 17:15

No, not in the least, it’s you who is odd! Babies don’t needed gendered clothing anyway so your comment that you might have been having a girl is really daft. And there’ll always be times where you are doing something messy and this kind of thing comes in handy.

Just go through the bag, ditch anything that is really beyond use and keep the rest. Replace missing buttons, you don’t need a label, just try things on to see if they fit.

Some of DD’s favourite things have been hand-me-downs.

junebirthdaygirl · 26/03/2019 17:16

A lot of families pass on second hand clothes so that part is regular enough.
In our family we only passed on good clothes and waited for each stage to pass them on so not inundated. But we always asked do you want them.
If they don't want them back dump them if you don't think they're fit for a charity shop.
If there is even one or two things suitable let your DC wear them.
Don't insult them by saying anything but get rid as l couldn't bear bags of stuff around the house.

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Original poster
Slippingcareer · 26/03/2019 17:20

I wouldn’t insult them but it has generated a lot of work for me. I’d be surprised if people welcome hand me downs with holes in them. As for the gendered clothing remark they were shoes. Again I don’t think many people would put their girls in boys shoes and runners.

OP posts:
BlackPrism · 26/03/2019 17:22

Clothes are clothes, not girl and boy clothes. It's v good for the planet to reuse but if you think they're sending too much just say you have enough for now

BlackPrism · 26/03/2019 17:22

Are runners trainers? They're literally the least gendered shoes

WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 26/03/2019 17:23

oh, damn, I’ve obviously been doing it wrong as DD has often had trainers from the ‘boys’ selection, because I/she likes them. Silly us.

How much work? More work than fagging round the shops buying stuff?

CabbageLeaf · 26/03/2019 17:24

I have been swamped with hand-me-downs from the early nineties by a well-meaning relative. Most of it hideous and completely out of date. I was polite about it, but hardly kept anything. It's a kind thought and some people would sew up a hole, for example. I understand your annoyance but yabu.

sackrifice · 26/03/2019 17:25

You aren't their recycling factory.

Next time the offer comes, say thanks but nothing has been suitable so far so it's best they take them to the charity shop themselves.

TheQueef · 26/03/2019 17:25

We always used to pass on clothes if they had any wear left.
They will come in for forest school or messy play.

gamerchick · 26/03/2019 17:28

I think if you bag it up as clear rags, charity shops sell them by weight or something.

*Not sure though, best to enquire.

You're being dumped on for people's crap. Tell them you dont want any more of other people's clear outs.

Expressedways · 26/03/2019 17:29

Maybe they just don’t like waste? Offering hand me downs is perfectly normal and babies don’t need gendered clothes but I agree they’re pushing it to extremes if they’re giving you worn out toddler shoes and babygrows with holes in. Just go through the bags, keep anything in decent condition that you like and give the rest to the charity shop. And maybe you could claim lack of storage and ask them not to give you anything that’s too big right now as you have nowhere to store it until it fits.

knitandpearl · 26/03/2019 17:32

I had something similar OP. About a quarter of the stuff was usable (I'm not scared of second-hand clothes either, I got loads from the charity shop myself) but the rest I had to sort out and work out what to do with.

I think ppl put it away with good intentions but don't realise years later they're in crap condition. Or think 'it'll do for messy play' about every item!

QueenEhlana · 26/03/2019 17:33

Where are they getting all of this? Is it all from their other grandchildren? Because no charity shop would sell clothes in that condition.

If at least a few items are nice and usable, it's not so bad. But if they're all hideous and in bad condition then I think your DH needs to tell them to please stop, you have no room for more things.

jackparlabane · 26/03/2019 17:33

Let them know what would be useful - IME waterproofs and wellies are good as they don't get worn much but are expensive. I have to tell my ILs that I don't have space for stuff more than a year above the gcs' age, which reduces it a lot. If your baby is only 7 months you don't need shoes yet, but trust me, small kids wear shoes for such a short time it's worth having some random pairs for when they grow out of others suddenly.

May be worth telling them you have lots of other donations so only bother passing stuff on if it's really nice. SIL saves me a few items a year - named characters, jackets, costumes, but donates run-of-the-mill outgrown stuff locally.

BigFatGiant · 26/03/2019 17:34

Its odd that they’ve bothered to keep and pass on clothes in unwearable condition but have to disagree with you on the point of shoes.

Chocolateisfab · 26/03/2019 17:36

Op you have become a convenient recycling centre.
Time to stop it..
Before long it wil be secondary school uniforms complete with blazers and football boots.

And dirty footy socks.
Envy not envy.

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 26/03/2019 17:37

Oh come on! Ds2 has dressed almost exclusivity in hand me downs from his brother and his friends, but there's no way on earth I'd welcome a bag of five years worth of clothes in a shit state of repair.

Why on earth would OP want to fuck about replacing buttons? She's got a 7 month old!

DifferentViews · 26/03/2019 17:40

I agree with you about not wanting to keep, or sort through horribly stained or worn out clothing, although, in my experience, it isn't a very big job and you might find one or two useful items. The rest either bin or charity shop depending on their condition.
I will disagree with you about the shoes though. My dd always chose shoes from the boy range as they were much more practical. She wasn't into the pink, whites and purples that predominated the girls range. She preferred the blacks and browns from the boys section and i have to say, they were a lot sturdier and meant she could run around in the woods without getting stones etc inside through the open part of the mary jane type shoe.

Shookethtothecore · 26/03/2019 17:45

This drove me nuts when I had ds. I have. I issue with hand me downs, but I already had a ds1 2 years older was by the by. People used it as an opportunity to offload bin bags of old shite on to me. I appreciated the nice tidy clean little bits but honestly on every bin bag of crap there was about 2 usable bits. It was actual more work for me to sort, store and recycle multiple bags when I had a newborn. I’m pg again and it won’t be happening on this one

applesarerroundandshiny · 26/03/2019 17:52

I was always grateful for any hand-me-downs which friends passed on to me for DS. Not everything was suitable but what wasn't I'd just put out in a charity bag. We aren't in any financial difficulty- bit as they say 'every little helps'!

flitwit99 · 26/03/2019 17:53

My sil used to do this regularly. It was like she'd gone through her son's drawers and just shoved absolutely everything in a bin bag and passed it on to me. I'd get things with holes in, stained, odd socks, once a pair of wellies covered in mud thrown in the bag alongside the clothes, all sorts. Out of a whole bin bag there would be maybe a couple of jumpers worth keeping.

And the worst was that she would generally hand the bin bag over at some family event and she and mil would go on and on about how lucky I was to be receiving this bag of crap she couldn't be bothered to sort out herself and take to the charity shop.

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel · 26/03/2019 17:55

Give them to a charity shop and advise them the clothes are only fit for textile recycling. Most of the charity shops round my way make money on old clothes and fabric by selling them by weight to companies that recycle them, or you can put them in the Oxfam recycling bins. Please don't put them in the household rubbish bin. And yes it is a bit rubbish to have a load of old tat dumped on you.

WatchingFromTheWings · 26/03/2019 17:58

My sister used to do this. I'd get bags of clothes that were beyond use. I was given several pairs of socks where one or both of the pair had the entire heel missing! And shoes that were beyond wearable. 'They'll be fine for the garden' apparently. 🙄

Frouby · 26/03/2019 18:01

Yanbu OP. I pass on and am happy to receive hand me downs. But have stopped accepting them from dsis as they are either borderline wearable or the same size that ds has just grown out of.

I pass on outgrown stuff to my ndn, but sort it first. Only non stained, non tatty stuff goes around. The rest I take to the charity shop in a rag bag.