Finding this weird - hand me down clothes

[Slippingcareer]

My PIL are very generous people, as an example, when I was pregnant they told me to pick the cot I wanted and they were buying it. They’ve also bought my son whose 7mths lots of gifts etc. They have other grandsons who are in the age range 7-10 years.

When I was pregnant I didn’t find out the sex of the baby but they sent up a bag of shoes that their grandsons no longer fitted into. I thought it was a bit ridiculous as I could have been having a girl, and also toddler boy shoes don’t tend to stay in good condition! However it was 1 bag so I let it go.

Now they’ve sent up 4 large black bags of boys clothes from 3 mths to 5 years. When I started to sort through it the clothes are in terrible condition, bleach stains, holes, missing buttons, so washed out that I can’t read the size label etc.

Does anyone else agree with me that this is just odd? I am 35, my DH is 42, we are financially ok and only have 1 child.

I have purchased other 2nd items for my son like his pram and next to me crib, so it’s not like I’m precious about everything being brand new.

My MIL would be horrified at putting toddlers in second hand shoes - but wouldn't care less if the shoes were 'boys' or 'girls' - what possible difference can there be in the feet of a 1 year old boy and girl?!

As to the clothes, I do agree, sometimes in our hand-me-down bags something slips through that's not in great condition, but as a rule, my sisters and I only pass on stuff that's still wearable (although again, we don't pay much attention to boy/girl-ness - the kids wear what fits that we like the look of - my 5 year old boy has a pair of rainbow waistband, gold-spotted leggings he was passed down that he absolutely adores, and my niece looks fantastic in his old converse raincoat.

Weird. When sorting out clothes I do 3 piles very nice goes to friends or family, abit battered but wearable to charity shop stuff like you describe to the clothes section in the recycling centre.

Sounds like they just can't be arsed recycling them or sorting through them. So pass it on for you to do.

Good condition second hand clothes come in handy, but not stained raggedy shite.

I must have the best SiL everything I got was freshly laundered and ironed!

We are the unofficial dumping ground for my parents and OHs parents. All sorts of junk gets passed our way as it ‘may come in handy’. I say thank you and then It literally goes straight into the boot and then to a charity shop or recycling centre. And it’s getting worse - yesterday DD (16) received a parcel from her 64 year old great aunt with some clothes she thought DD could wear for her work experience. Not cast off designer items but ancient, dated M&S and C&A stuff. It cost my aunt a lot to post it and DD will have to write and thank her. And then it will follow the rest straight to a charity shop where hopefully someone with a passion for polyester and shoulder pads will snap it up.

It does annoy me a bit as it creates work but they mean well so I just suck it up.

I had a similar situation - bags of fusty bitty clothes that i simply didnt need or want, i had to just be blunt in the end and say i didnt want any of it!

I dont have a problem with people buying or using second hand clothes but it just not something i want to do for my dc.

Again I don’t think many people would put their girls in boys shoes and runners. I disagree.

It's 4 bin bags of clothes, I'm not sure how much 'work' that can have given you. Are you ill and unable to look through the bags? Could your DH do it?

Personally I would ask them if you minded if you passed on anything you didn't use or if they wanted them back. If you really can't be bothered to sort through them don't, maybe pick out one thing that's ok and either give them back or pass them on.
I passed everything down from one son to the other and it's surprising how much stuff is in decent nick. However I'm very anti-waste and actively buy second hand and fix clothes or recycle where I can. I would do the above if someone passed on bags of stuff. My mum (who has dementia) often buys inappropriate or broken stuff from charity shops for the boys we say thank yo with good grace and deal with it appropriately (keep, recycle, bin)

I had similar but with friends passing on huge bags of stuff. When I sorted through it, more than half were only good for rags. Many others went to the charity shop because they just weren't to my taste or I just didn't want to store them for 5 years until they fit.

Now that my DS is 4, I somewhat understand it. It is hard to throw out a much loved fleece etc, and I would rather find a home for it and see it being worn by a friend's toddler. But I think I have learned from my own experience and only pass on good stuff!

Is there any real difference between boys and girls trainers? I look for my size, not gender when shopping for my own trainers and my DS currently has women's hiking boots, he liked the colours. Also toddler trainers were outgrown before they were anywhere near outworn.

If this is the worst problem your inlaws cause you, you're very lucky.

It cost my aunt a lot to post it and DD will have to write and thank her.

WTF would you make a 16 yo write to thank an Auntie for second hand cast-offs? Quick phone call / text message / email is plenty.

Ok I can honestly say I wouldn't be too happy at receiving tons of other people's old work out clothes. (It old toys that I seem to get landed with).
I'd go through it pick out what I want and sort the rest into rags / sell on for the charity shop.

But given the threads on here of people lending clothing and looking for it back years later. Just double check they are giving not lending!

I would say no more.

The thought of more clutter in my house would send me barmy.

You'll probably be surprised how much of it comes in useful (spares, playing in the mud, potty training etc) even if you don't like a lot of the stuff.

I’d never pass on clothes that were worn out or dirty. I’d feel rude and lazy and it’s my job to get rid of them. I’d only give things that could be used. I don’t think you’re unreasonable although I’m not fussed about gender specific clothing.

EdtheBear

I’m not ‘making’ the 16 year old do anything. She was the one to sigh and say ‘ I suppose I’ll have to send her a card’. I was as surprised as you are but I’m certainly not going to discourage good manners. In fact I was actually very proud of her.