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Original poster

Teachers breaking confidentiality?

37 replies

Ipithombi · 26/03/2019 16:09

There was an incident involving my son outside of school hours while he was at home. He was chatting with a girl from his school via WhatsApp (she is also 12) They were both using inappropriate language, lots of swearing and a comment about wondering what sex is like and maybe wanting to try it (horrifying, I know!) I check his phone very regularly and so does the girls mum and we are both mortified and very disappointed in our kids. We approached each other the next day to talk about it. We both agreed to deal with our children ourselves and not to involve the school as it happened away from school and we just aren’t ‘those’ parents. Suddenly my son’s teacher appears and tells us that she has been told about the messages from another student. Both of us turned to her and told her we don’t want the school involved. We have both confiscated our kids phones indefinitely and they have both had a serious talking to. Today I received a phone call from the principal. This teacher went and reported the matter to him!!! He has called my son in to discuss it and I have been told I have to come to the school tomorrow to have a meeting. Not only that but this teacher has also told the entire staff about the incident and it is apparently the latest gossip in the staff room (I have a friend who is a TA at the school) I am absolutely furious!! Is this not some sort of safeguarding issue? Are teachers allowed to disclose things like this to other teachers? I am so mad because we specifically said we don’t want the school involved and they have involved themselves anyway! What would you do?

OP posts:
BelleSausage · 26/03/2019 16:15

The teacher is absolutely right to report. It is what we are expected to do. They would be in trouble if things spill over into school time at a later date and they had with held information.

We always, always have to tell. We are told never to promise confidentiality because we cannot give it. By this I mean we cannot promise to withhold details about incidents from relevant staff memebers. It would be a different thing if she was telling other parents.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 26/03/2019 16:17

I thought you were going to say that other parents had been told, not the head!

Teacher is absolutely in the right to report it, I am afraid, and you don't have a leg to stand on. It's a safeguarding issue.

CatherineMaitland · 26/03/2019 16:18

"Not only that but this teacher has also told the entire staff about the incident and it is apparently the latest gossip in the staff room (I have a friend who is a TA at the school)"

Correct me if I am wrong but surely your friend as TA should not be passing on this information outside the staff room ?

PotteringAlong · 26/03/2019 16:18

It is a serious safeguarding issue, that’s why the teacher has told the head...

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 26/03/2019 16:19

Sorry, forgot to address your "what would you do?" question.

I'd go in to the school as asked and discuss the situation with them.

What else were you planning to do?

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 26/03/2019 16:21

And yes, if anyone has breached confidentiality it is the TA who has been passing on what is discussed inside the staff room to you, a parent who is not on the school staff.

I can see that that might need taking up with the school as it is worryingly unprofessional of the TA.

mineofuselessinformation · 26/03/2019 16:21

This has got to be a reverse thread....

PolarBearDisguisedAsAPenguin · 26/03/2019 16:22

The teacher had to tell the head. Your friend shouldn’t be telling you anything that goes on in the staffroom regarding pupils. You should be reporting her.

insancerre · 26/03/2019 16:22

Your friend needs some training on confidentiality
She should not be discussing this with you
The teachers have done nothing

BelleSausage · 26/03/2019 16:24

The TA is the only one who needs disciplining here.

I would go in and be as open as possible. If you get defensive it will look like you are hiding and enabling potentially abusive sexualised behaviour in children.

All they will want to do is connect the home-school dots and make sure everyone is on the same page and on the lookout for any further inappropriate behaviour. They won’t punish your son.

LL83 · 26/03/2019 16:24

If these two children are speaking inappropriately then it is likely others are too and school should be aware and perhaps increase their focus in this area and resolve it for whole class. Yabvu

Holidayshopping · 26/03/2019 16:25

Go and complain then. I suspect your friend will get the sack.

LaurieFairyCake · 26/03/2019 16:26

If a student tells the teacher then they have to report it

Original poster
Ipithombi · 26/03/2019 16:28

It’s a tough one but I hear what you are all saying about my friend who is the TA. She only told me that everyone is talking about it not any other details. Many of the staff and TAs are also parents at the school which is why it upset me. Is it right for the school to become involved in a matter that happened outside of school though?

OP posts:
FoxSquadKitten · 26/03/2019 16:28

I couldn't get worked up about it, tbh.
Kids swearing/talking to each other about sex, at that age, is normal isn't it?
Then the teachers finding out, and keeping a note of it in case of any future concerns, meh 🤷‍♀️

anniehm · 26/03/2019 16:29

The teacher had to report because it is a safeguarding issue and obviously not just a private conversation between two curious 12 year olds if another child was involved. As for being gossip, well it shouldn't be gossip but the staff should be told if they have contact with the wider group of children who are aware of the situation. I hope they can deal with the wider situation in a way that is appropriate but be aware there's no confidentiality when it comes to safeguarding - no matter what a child says to me I must report, I have a duty that would make me negligent if i didn't.

Original poster
Ipithombi · 26/03/2019 16:29

Very true. In my anger and embarrassment I hadn’t really thought of this.

OP posts:
SilverGoldBronze · 26/03/2019 16:29

The teacher has acted absolutely appropriately. The only person who hasn’t as far as I can see is your TA friend. She should not have passed this information to you.

Original poster
Ipithombi · 26/03/2019 16:31

You are all right and have calmed me down and made me see sense. Thank you!

OP posts:
Hollowvictory · 26/03/2019 16:33

Well uf you complain about your friend she could lose her job. She and the sweary kids are the only ones who've done anything wrong.
What would I do? I'd be very disappointed in my child, not sure what consequences would be. Possibly removal 9f phone 8f they aren't grown up enough to have one sensibly

Bellatrix14 · 26/03/2019 16:42

Actually if this was classed as safeguarding the teacher should not have told other members of staff about it (unless very relevant) as it is not their place to know. I have reported several safeguarding concerns, I don’t then go and tell everyone afterwards Confused That was unprofessional of them, yes. However it was also unprofessional of your friend to discuss it with you.

HRPuffinstuff · 26/03/2019 17:02

WhatsApp has a minimum age use of sixteen. As a responsible parent you should not be allowing your child to have the app in the first place. The school would be perfectly reasonable to report under age use to have the account deactivated.

Quartz2208 · 26/03/2019 17:02

There are two things - one even though it happened outside of school it was raised by another pupil at school - she was absolutely correct to raise it with you and then to the principal and to speak to your son and you at school - in effect it has become a school issue

As to the school staffroom if correct it depends it should not be gossiped about (and your TA friend was the one who broke confidentiality) but mentioned perhaps in a team meeting yes

Original poster
Ipithombi · 26/03/2019 17:15

I am fully aware of the age restrictions on WhatsApp. As a ‘responsible parent’ his usage is strictly monitored and he has no passcodes on his phone nor is he awarded any privacy which is why this was discovered within minutes of it happeneing. My son has been dealt with accordingly and has lost the privilege of having a phone in the first place. He has no access to other social media and is not a member on any other social media platforms. I view WhatsApp as a way to communicate with his contacts and classmates at no cost. There is no age restriction on normal text messages, how is WhatsApp more dangerous than a normal text message? The only difference is one is free and the other costs money? Or am I missing something?

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 26/03/2019 17:18

I’m s bit surprised it was the talk of the staff room.Sadly this sort of thing isn’t that uncommon. Are you sure your unprofessional TA friend is not also a bit of a drama queen?