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Original poster

Has things ever worked out well long term with a guy who said he wasn't looking for anything serious on the first date?

30 replies

JudyOha · 23/03/2019 12:01

Has things ever worked out well long term with a guy who said he wasn't looking for anything serious on the first date?

I know it's very rare for people to change their minds but it does occasionally happen.

Tell me your stories of any such incidents working out and what you thought the trigger was :) thank you.

OP posts:
iklboo · 23/03/2019 12:05

DH was my FWB. We've been married 15 years this year.

There was no specific trigger. We just found out we liked spending time together.

Original poster
JudyOha · 23/03/2019 12:07

@iklboo Thank you for your reply :) was it him or you or both that initially only wanted FWB

OP posts:
dancemom · 23/03/2019 12:08

No. Don't get into something hoping it will change. He's told you straight up who he is and what he wants. Listen to him.

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Loopytiles · 23/03/2019 12:09

Wouldn’t bother.

iklboo · 23/03/2019 12:09

Both mutually. I'd come out of a long term relationship I'd been in since I was 14 so wanted to 'live a little' if that makes sense?

WickedGoodDoge · 23/03/2019 12:11

DH was supposed to be a one night stand but he never went away. Blush We were then FWB for quite a while until we both agreed we wanted more- neither of had been wanting anything serious when we met. Celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary in May. Grin

when asked by DC!>

bjs2310 · 23/03/2019 12:18

My dh was never getting married, never having children and never moving out of his mother's home. We have 2 children and been married 12 years. Suffice to say we don't live with his mother either Smile. Things can change - he fell in love.

TurquoiseLagoon · 23/03/2019 12:28

My bil and his wife were both "not looking for something serious". He was out of a ltr and I think she was busy with work. Anyway, now they're married. She genuinely wasn't bothered at the start though, I think both parties would have to be on the same page for it to work

RedHatsDoNotSuitMe · 23/03/2019 12:29

whilst I'm sure there are lovely and genuinely heart warming stories of those who have ended up happily ever after (and there are already a few on here), I don't think it's fair to be with someone that you want to fundamentally change. And if you DO want to change them, then you're with the wrong person.

sorry to be a misery.

mynameiscalypso · 23/03/2019 12:31

I've been with DH 10 years. Early on he told a friend that it wasn't a long term thing. I remind him of this from time to time especially now I'm expecting our first child.

Arowana · 23/03/2019 12:37

Neither DH nor I were looking for anything serious when we first met, and we've been married for 15 years now.

But the thing is, we were both young (22) when we met so we had loads of time to change our minds. It didn't happen quickly - we'd been together five years before we moved in together and got engaged.

Liz38 · 23/03/2019 12:48

Together 19 years, married 14. He told me he wasn't looking for a relationship, I suggested just giving it a go and seeing what happened. I did always know he might not be up for a relationship but I now have my suspicions he could be ok with it Grin

DolorestheNewt · 23/03/2019 12:53

I definitely had much better relationships with the guys who said they weren't looking for anything serious than I did with the bloke who said on the second date that he was OK with it if I couldn't have children.

Wheretheresawill1 · 23/03/2019 13:22

No I wasted 3yrs- he was just a c**k

Craiglang · 23/03/2019 13:31

I wasn't looking for anything serious on my first date with my now DH. Told him so. Didn't want kids. Didn't want commitment.

12 years and 3 kids later...

BlackPrism · 23/03/2019 13:37

I told DP I wasn't looking to be tied down. We've been together nearly 6 years however it only took me a month to be persuaded, if it dragged out for more than a month or so I'd reconsider.

PersianStar · 23/03/2019 13:49

I was really not interested in relationships and only agreed to meet my work colleague for a drink because I had nothing better to do that night.... 3 years later I’m sat in our new house feeding our 15 week old baby.

jackparlabane · 23/03/2019 14:23

I met and was vaguely friendly with now-DH when I was seeing someone else. Once I'd split up with them then nDH and I had a one-night stand, and another, and another, until we stopped having time to see anyone else and eventually stopped denying we were in a relationship (23 years ago, now). But if one of us had pushed for a relationship from the start, or even hoped for it, I don't think it would have worked - we needed that year.

Echobelly · 23/03/2019 14:27

A slightly different angle - after a couple of dates DH said to me that he didn't see it going anywhere as he was looking for something serious and he wasn't sure I was that (which, in retrospect I think meant 'My mum won't approve of you and I suppose I ought to look for someone she'll consider more marriage material'), but I knew he didn't mean it when he said it and he started to call me more frequently after that and it was back on! 12th wedding anniversary this summer.

Witchend · 23/03/2019 14:28

Apparently my dd said he wasn't the marrying sort on first date.
Dp are coming up to their 50th anniversary shortly.

LunaLovesgood · 23/03/2019 14:29

I married mine. We were both fully expecting it to be a fwb thing..

CoolCarrie · 23/03/2019 14:34

Yes, and I’m married to him!

riotlady · 23/03/2019 14:36

My partner and I were friends with benefits whilst he was in an open relationship with another girl Blush We did that for a while, then were just regular friends, then he left his girlfriend for me, moved in and I got accidentally pregnant a few months later.

By any logic it should be a disaster but we’re very happy, have a wonderful daughter, and are getting married next year!

NewAccount270219 · 23/03/2019 14:41

Oh, OP you asking this question has made me sad. Of course you'll find some stories that seem to tell you what you want to hear (though note that all of them so far have been where both began not wanting anything serious, not where one did and wore down the other) but for every one of them there's 99 that didn't. Don't fixate on a chance that this guy will change his mind - find a new one whose mind doesn't need changing.

Justawaterformeplease · 23/03/2019 14:53

What he probably means is that he’s not looking for anything serious with you unfortunately. Been there, wasn’t worth it, don’t do it!

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