Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

I need a god excuse to cancel a meal out with family.

77 replies

crosser62 · 22/03/2019 13:53

I had half arranged a meal out for myself, my kids and dh, my 2 sisters and their kids and my mum as s mother’s day and belated mums birthday.
My sister (who is quite mad and very VERY hard work) has upset my mum.
She does it all the time but doesn’t realise it, or does realise it but doesn’t care.
My mum told me that she wants me to cancel the meal she doesn’t want to go.

So, it’s gone to me to break this off to my mad, very aggressive, very angry, very hard work sister without causing uproar.

Any ideas?

OP posts:
SandAndSea · 22/03/2019 14:33

I also have some v hard work relatives. For me, tiptoing around them didn't work (it's fuel for people like that). I would be calm but utterly straight. Eg. "As you know, mum's upset by you xxx (whatever). We just want to have a nice time without any drama, so we've decided not to do the meal this year."

I wouldn't engage further on it after that. Block if necessary.

MeAgainAgain · 22/03/2019 14:33

just go without your sister though

why should the wh
ole thng hav eto be canceled

Springwalk · 22/03/2019 14:34

Your mum isn’t being very fair to you, expecting you to take the hug from the sister Hmm
Maybe this is why you are all in this position, your mother should have dealt with her years ago.

Don’t use an excuse.

‘I am so sorry darling sister but we have had to cancel the restaurant reservation for this evening. Let’s catch up another time. Love Opxx ‘

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
ChicCroissant · 22/03/2019 14:35

Bit unfair to put you in the middle, OP. I can see why you wouldn't want to get involved between them.

Seaweed42 · 22/03/2019 14:35

Your Mum is the parent of this woman. Why should you carry the can for the pair of them?
Your Mum is pandering to your sister.
You are pandering to your Mum.
Unless your Mother is an 87yr old who's barely capable of speaking then she can do her own dirty work.
Text your sister.
Say 'Mum doesn't want to have a birthday meal so it's cancelled until she feels like it'
And leave it at that.

MrsSpenserGregson · 22/03/2019 14:35

Well - going against the grain here, I'm afraid it's your mum's responsibility to tell your sister that she doesn't want to see her. Pretty shabby of your mum to put you in such a difficult position tbh.

I understand that there have obviously been years and years of crap from your sister, and that your mum is probably devastated by her daughter behaving in this way, but this is absolutely not your problem to fix, and you're not doing your mum any favours by being the go-between here either. Why should you have the hell unleashed on you instead? Really unfair of your mum.

Flowers for you - and for your mum - it sounds really awful.

Springwalk · 22/03/2019 14:35

Hug - hit

MrsSpenserGregson · 22/03/2019 14:36

Ah x-post with a couple of others who agree with me!

JustAnotherPoster00 · 22/03/2019 14:37

Tell her you've come down with a plaque of locusts but I rhink you meant good not god Grin

SandAndSea · 22/03/2019 14:38

My mum just doesn’t want the hassle and to deal with it.

Just saw this. (Smh.)

Your mum's way isn't working. I think you need to decide for yourself how you are going to deal with this situation.

Pinkyyy · 22/03/2019 14:39

This is ridiculous. You and your mother are grown adults and you need to put your foot down and tell her exactly why it's off. No wonder she's the way she is if she's been enabled her whole life.

Ninninannanoonoo · 22/03/2019 14:41

Plague not plaque [inserts irony emoticon] I'll ignore the rhink Grin

LouiseCollins28 · 22/03/2019 14:50

ill child(ren)?

For a "God" excuse though, take your pick from:

The following are good "catch alls

  • Rapture Imminent - house needs cleaning
  • God told me not to come

Specific God related excuses might include

  • Local river is flooded, roads impassable, blood is coming up through the floor at home
  • Frogs everywhere, house inundated with the blighters
  • Kids have come home with lice, now everywhere
  • Mass livestock deaths, roads blocked
  • DH has massive boils on his arse
  • Massive hailstorm, cannot leave house
  • Plague of locusts - Raid supplies overwhelmed
  • Been in total darkness for 3 days, still awaiting electrician
  • Death of PFB - ok this one could be overkill!

Should doubts be expressed, authoritative sources are available

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plagues_of_Egypt#1.Blood(דָם):_Ex._7:14–24

Original poster
crosser62 · 22/03/2019 14:56

The holy excuses are of course fabulous, I particularly like the frog one 😁

OP posts:
EnterFunnyNameHere · 22/03/2019 14:57

@LouiseCollins28

Sorry OP, crap situation, but agree that nothing will change if the sister isn't held to account, although I fully get that's way more hassle!

AstonishedFemalePersonator · 22/03/2019 14:57

I need a god excuse to cancel a meal out with family

Zeus has asked me for a date? Poseidon has flooded my bathroom?

diddl · 22/03/2019 14:58

So your mum wouldn't want to go even if your sister wasn't?

You must all lose out as no one will tell your sister the truth?

Springwalk · 22/03/2019 14:58

Blame Brexit!

Original poster
crosser62 · 22/03/2019 14:59

“Enabled” no, I don’t think that you are grasping how hideous she is, when I say vicious, this is an understatement. She is tolerated but mostly avoided.
She leaves you breathless and shaking from the vitriol that spews from her evil mouth.

OP posts:
LouiseCollins28 · 22/03/2019 14:59

Glad you took that in the spirit I meant it Grin seriously though I hope things get better for you v. soon Flowers

BlueSkiesLies · 22/03/2019 15:05

My sister will unleash hell on my poor mum if she is confronted.
My mum just doesn’t want the hassle and to deal with it.

Your mum doesn't have to pick up the phone to her! Sounds a bit co-dependent with you in the middle.

Why bother having her in your life if she is so awful? Why does your mum?

Elmo311 · 22/03/2019 15:06

It's unfair of your mum to put this on you to tell your sis tbh, but maybe she has because you're the one who organised it? I don't know. But either way, your sis sounds toxic and I'm wondering why you haven't cut her from your lives? Especially if she is as awful as you say.

Bluetrews25 · 22/03/2019 15:06

Sorry, meal is now off, too many of us can't make it. C U Next Time. See you next time.
And go with your DP and DCs only.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 22/03/2019 15:07

I wouldn't suggest that you say to her (either in a text or a phone call) that your child is ill.
Just say "Mum has changed her mind and doesn't want to go out for dinner any more" and leave it at that. If she asks why or pushes for an explanation, just repeat (like a broken record) - Mum just changed her mind. It's not for me to guess why and in fairness, she doesn't have to explain why either. She has just changed her mind, end of. Now can we change the topic of conversation? If you're not going to talk about something else, then I'm done here." and then stop conversing with her.

FriarTuck · 22/03/2019 15:08

'God says he's had enough of Brexit, am building an ark just in case'
'I'm planning an evening of Songs of Praise on catch-up'
'The Jehovah's Witnesses have just arrived at the door and won't let me go'
'God says that you should honour your parents and as you haven't I'm staying home to pray for you'
'There's a burning bush in the front garden - I'm waiting for the fire brigade'
'It's Lent and I've decided to give up family events'
'DM has started speaking in tongues and it's scaring the kids so we're avoiding her'