Visitation after death - any legal experts out there?

[Viscousmilkshake]

Just looking for some advice. Scenario:

Married to husband, have a young child age 3. Both husband and I are no contact with husbands family, big family fall out a few years ago. Husbands parents are on all sorts of medication to include antidepressants, Valium, antipsychotics, they are just not stable and are constantly sending threats through social media. They are in an unhealthy relationship together and are just spiralling downwards.

Husband is no contact now but I've always wondered what would happen if something happened to me? He is adamant that he would never let our child have a relationship with these people but could I put a will or some sort of legal document in place to stop these people coming into my child's life if anything happened to me? He is willing to sign something also.

I've no idea how legally binding such a document would be, but I'm in a slightly similar situation in that if I died I'd very much like my siblings to have care of my DC. However, unless DP kicks it at the same time I've no choice but to leave them with him, as he has PR. What I've done is have it in my Will that my siblings are guardians to my DC so at least they have a say in its upbringing.

No. Even if you had it drawn and he sighed who would be there to flag it?
If he was happy with the arrangement and so were they no one is going to raise the fact you objected to their involvement.

I have a sister who is godparent so could I write in a will that she would take my place and share parental rights with my DH if anything happened to me?

No. That's not how that owe

Fat fingers.
You can't just hand over power like that. He would be their only living parent and as such would be allowed to make any and all decisions. Of course he wouldn't be able to put them in immediate danger. However this would have to be proven and he would have to be shown as an unfit parent.

My family would raise that I have objected to their involvement, I've kept al abusive messages etc and forwarded them to my family. Myself and DH are very close with my family and NC with his, I know it is highly unlikely that DH would allow his family access if anything happened to me but I just want to make sure that I've done everything just to protect my child if worst came to worst.

You are just going to have to have trust in their father to do the right thing by them.

As others have said no you can’t dictate that it would be up to the surviving parent

Would it be a case then of just documenting everything and keeping everything as evidence to show that his parents are not fit to have any involvement so if anything happened to me there would be a better case?

You both make wills and nominate legal guardians.
You can attach a letter outlining the reasons.
However, of one of you dies and the other remarries, their will is null and void. A remarriage invalidates existing wills; a lot of people don't realise that and this is where things can go wrong.
I am not a lawyer and have no legal training at all, but this is based on my personal experience and the advice given to me and DH when making our own wills.

Just want to know if there is any legal document we could both sign now so there's an agreement in place.

Looks like both DH and I should make a will then with a letter attached. Remarriage after death doesn't even bare thinking about, absolutely horrific.

You can get a basic will document at the post office.
You write one each, ask a 2 people to witness it and the job is done.

You could do that today, then sort out a more detailed document later.

You can't dictate that even in a will. The surviving parent's wishes will take precedence.

Make sure you store it in a safe place and give copies to someone you trust.

Again if the father decides to allow access to his child he would trump your family and your letter.
He would only have to argue that things have changed and he's made an informed decision.
He would not lose rights to your family for allowing his family access unless they could be proven to be an immediate danger.
The only thing your family could fight for is access of their own. They would not be allowed to dictate who the father decides will be allowed around or what he does with his child on his time.

I think you could leave instructions that his family are not to be involved in case something happened to both of you at the same time.
I don't think that leaving a sibling as a guardian has any legal bearing if there is a surviving parent. The surviving parent has total authority - I don't think there is any way you can leave another person OR in your will.
The only person who legally has authority over someone else's children (barring as involvement) is the Queen, who is the legal guardian of her immediate heirs iirc

Why is the thought of remarriage “horrific”?

Agree, you can't do anything about a surviving parent's wishes, but if they are in agreement now, they ought to write it down and make sure people know.
I know so many people who didn't know about the remarriage thing.
One family near me where the second wife inherited everything, including the family home that the children's maternal grandparents had paid for.

If we wanted it documented now that we are both in agreement that we don't want DH parents involved in the case of death of both parents do we just put this in the will?

Is it worth just documenting somewhere that we both are in agreement together now that any children we have will have no contact with DH parents even if it has no standing later, just so that it is documented? Where do we go to do this, family solicitor?

Do you not trust your DH to stand firm if you’re not around?

Of course I do but if I didn't do everything possible in my power to protect my children then I wouldn't be doing my job as a mother.

You could do that but he could take them to see them as he would be alive and you are dead. If your family were to 'enforce' it, it would probably involve lengthy court times which I think would be unfair on your husband and he would most likely win . He would be their parent no one else so it's his decision. It would be a waste of time and a bit of a slap in the face to your husband to sign papers. It sounds like you really don't trust him to make decisions for your children when you're not there.

I'd be very offended if my husband said to me that in the event of his death, he didn't trust me to do what I'd promised and do he was going to get his family to try and enforce it. Be careful - you don't want to trash your relationship now over something which is unlikely to happen.
I think what is worth doing, is noting your wishes in your will, so that if anything happened to both of you, his folks couldn't try for custody or access. Also I think it's worth leaving money on trust for children to protect them from losing out if there is a remarriage down the line. Lots of kids have lost out because their parents didn't realize that a new marriage invalidates existing wills.