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Original poster

So many wedding invites

27 replies

TodayIsMagic · 20/03/2019 11:20

Anyone else in the same predicament? DH and I are both 30, I know in a few years wedding attendance will have probably died down. Its a temporary issue but here we are...

DH and I have been invited / received save the dates for 10 weddings between now and 2021. All of which are from very close friends or family who attended (with their husband/wife to be) our own wedding 4 years ago. We love weddings, we love all of these people. Its the cost (monetary and annual leave from work) to physically be there that's going to be the hard part. 6 of them are outside the UK (in a European country), 1 in the USA, 1 in Australia.

DH is best man for one (USA) and I'm a bridesmaid for 3 (Europe, non-UK). How do we begin to 'prioritise' when amongst the invites are siblings and our best friends? Can't bring ourselves to say 'this couple sent us their wedding details first' as, for example, the summer 2020 couple gave over 2 years notice, we of course said yes as at that time none of the others were even engaged! Since April 2018 when they first invited us until this morning we've received 9 other invites!

I know what we need to do, price up all of them and start being realistic. Including all the hens and stags that go with each. In the confines of Mumsnet I don't want to have to choose, I want to go to all. We were the first couple to get married in our group, had a large wedding in Kos (we live in England). I hate the idea of others saying they made an effort for ours but we aren't for theirs. I'm probably being dramatic, real friends wouldn't actually say this...its just there's nobody within the group I can say is less of a friend than others, plus there's no way DH or I could not be at our siblings weddings. Maybe we'll have to think about only one of us going to a few of them.

OP posts:

Hollowvictory · 20/03/2019 11:22

I think real friends would say that! But give the Australia one a swerve!

ShirleyPhallus · 20/03/2019 11:23

Unless there is a clash on dates I’d go to them all. You want to and this will only last for a few years (well, until half of them get divorced and remarry in 10 years!) so id enjoy it and make the ones in far flung destinations holidays for the year

But be prepared for posters to come on and tell you how utterly selfish and entitled these people are for having invited you

Hollowvictory · 20/03/2019 11:24

Also they are spread over 3 years

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Weddings

SnuggyBuggy · 20/03/2019 11:29

I put the dates in order and a rough estimate on costs and try to work out what you can manage. Are any of them destination weddings or is it just that the people getting married live abroad? I'd make the destination weddings a lower priority.

KindergartenKop · 20/03/2019 16:09

Do you have any kids? Most weddings are child free so bear that in mind!

dreichuplands · 20/03/2019 16:48

Oh I remember that phase, I swear one year we went to one a weekend. I ceased caring I was wearing the same couple of dresses.
But then it pretty much just stops.

GahWhatever · 20/03/2019 16:52

There'll be another glut when your children/your friends children get married. I did 15 in 2013. Fortunately only the day as we were old enough to not be expected to stay late and stay over.
But you are talking about good friends who were there for you. Blow your holiday budget for a couple of years and do as many as you can.

DPotter · 20/03/2019 16:58

Don't forget to factor in any pregnancies on your part as well........

kenandbarbie · 20/03/2019 17:02

I had seven in one year once, but in three years you probably will only have one or two again, or none! I would prioritize weddings over hens and stags and Uk over abroad, family or wedding party over just friends. It's not a big deal to decline though. You can't do everything. Haven't you got any dates clashing?

MustBeDueSomeBetterFeet · 20/03/2019 17:14

Could you combine any/turn any into your main holiday for the year?

Also, whilst some of them may invite you for 4/5 days, could you do some by flying in late on a Friday night and out early on a Sunday morning, reducing accommodation costs? We did that a lot, especially "the year of 9 weddings" as we had once!!

underneaththeash · 20/03/2019 19:14

We had a year like that - 10 weddings! I didn't make most of the hens as we were at other weddings. It was a shame as they got a bit tedious after a while.

Personally, I would say yes to them all, except the Australian one.

KateMadikane · 20/03/2019 21:38

Well I’d say siblings take priority and then look at locations, approximate cost and annual leave needed.
If you’ve always wanted to go to Australia and can afford it then add on a holiday, otherwise avoid that one.
It’s fair enough to want to go to the weddings of people who came to yours but it’s not always going to be possible,

BrusselPout · 20/03/2019 21:47

Siblings/weddings you are involved in - go, followed by UK weddings and then the rest in order of preference/cost. Don't be afraid to say no, particularly when people are getting married overseas

MadeForThis · 20/03/2019 21:51

Do you have/plan dc?

Pregnancy or child free weddings will get you out of a few. If you don't want to go.

BuffaloCauliflower · 20/03/2019 21:54

Do you now have different thoughts about making everyone go to Kos for yours?

BuffaloCauliflower · 20/03/2019 21:55

‘We made the effort for yours and you’re not for ours’ would be a totally valid gripe in this context

DanglyBangly · 20/03/2019 22:02

I think it was this situation that inspired Richard Curtis to write four weddings and a funeral. He went to a wedding every summer weekend for about ten years or something.

Mydressinggownismybestfriend · 20/03/2019 22:03

You’re very lucky

MakeLemonade · 20/03/2019 22:07

That’s over a long enough timeframe and with enough notice that you should be able to save/cut back to make them all work. I’d give hen and stag dos a miss mind (unless best man or bridesmaid).

Was also going to suggest a well timed pregnancy if you want a really good excuse to miss some!

BackforGood · 20/03/2019 22:13

Well, start by saying you can only go to the weddings, and not the stag and hens.
Then make your holiday be combined with some of the weddings.
After that, it is going to depend on your finances.

For me, i'd rule out any that are abroad (unless one of the couple were from that country), but, if you got married and expected people to to travel there, you probably don't feel the same way as me

ovenchips · 20/03/2019 22:20

The timeframe makes it a lot more doable. Sounds like it's spread over 2.5-3 years?

I've got to say I would probably be expecting you to make an effort for my wedding abroad, if I had travelled to Kos for yours. So maybe be careful about turning others' down citing that reason and expecting them to understand. I get that everyone who travelled for your wedding were under no obligation to do so, but once they have I think it does create some sort of reciprocity.

If I were you I would take the hen/ stag dos/ non-essential events out of the reckoning and see where you are. I wouldn't angst about it too much either way. Decide what is doable and just do that!

MeteorGarden92 · 20/03/2019 22:29

Real friends would definitely say that! But then again would ‘real’ friends be wrong? 🤔

DP (soon to be DH) is 32 and ALL of his friends got married last year/ are getting married this year! (Including us, yay!)

My understanding of wedding ettiquette is this;
You’re expected to equal the cost/effort. So if friend X made the trip to Kos for your wedding then friend X is entirely reasonable to expect you to venture to a European country of a similar cost to be at their wedding! Unless you have a genuine reason, and I’m afraid for this ‘we can’t afford it’ doesn’t cut it! You inflicted similar travel costs onto them and they made the effort if you don’t then it’s basically announcing that you care less! (Unless friend X happens to be stinking rich and knows they are much better off than you).

However, if you got married down the road from friend Y but friend Y is now asking you to attend their wedding in Italy... it’s entirely Reasonable for you to politely decline!

I’m not saying I agree with it, but it definitely seems to be the ettiquette!

Also it’s TOTALLY unacceptable to reneg on an invitation you’ve already accepted. That’s a complete wedding no no, so if there’s a wedding you already agreed to but now others have come in that you want to go to more- YABU to change your mind!

In your situation I would price up the cost of each wedding! Completely ignoring the hen/stag do’s and any other ‘optional’ frills which come with along with them (I don’t care what anybody says nobody NEEDS to attend a hen party) and decide whether that’s doable! I would not choose attending 4/5 hen parties over making it to the 6th wedding!

tickingthebox · 20/03/2019 22:33

Hmmm I think you are in for a slightly hectic few years!

Just remember you don't have to go to all weddings AND Stags AND Hens....

You could just prioritise 9 weddings...

Don't forget if you are all in the same circle then others will be in the same boat as you.

StreamsFullOfStars · 21/03/2019 11:28

Well, if you expected them all to travel to Kos for your wedding then of course you should expect to travel, pay the extra cost and use up extra leave etc to attend their weddings.

TeenTimesTwo · 21/03/2019 12:37

Don't do any stag/hen dos
Accept that circumstances change. You might have 2 kids by 2021.
Other people chose to go to your wedding. You are allowed to choose not to go to theirs.
What is it with all these weddings abroad?
If you were to drop all the weddings where you aren't a sibling/attendant, how many would that save you?

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