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Original poster

Have I let my son down?

30 replies

DailyMailFail101 · 19/03/2019 21:33

I have just had my sons reception parent evening and I feel really deflated and unhappy with the school, can anybody help me put things into perspective?

When my son started school he already knew all his phonics, CVC words and some ‘tricky common words’ and he could write a simple sentence his preschool taught him these skills, I always compleated his homework and helped him with his reading etc at preschool. I looked at my sons school work book today and it was awful, very messy, no proper sentences formed and his writing was atrocious, it is as though he has gone backwards in his ability? I feel he knows less now than when he started school! I’m at a loose end on what to do.

After the appointment with the class teacher myself and my husband had to fill in a school preformance review, I gave lots of positive feedback but had a few concerns I wanted to raise a few issues such as the gender stereotypical labels in the classroom (all the boys has pirates/robots etc on their pegs while girls have princesses/fairies etc) the teacher replied with something along the lines of ‘oh I hadn’t thought of that,’ am I right thinking ‘WTF’ has she been asleep though the whole of the #metoo movement? I don’t want somebody so unaware of important issues teaching my child.

Secondly I raised with a governor the state of the school dinners and amount of sweets been given at school. I asked why unhealthy pudding are being served daily to get the response ‘most kids are used to puddings’ I asked about the unhealthy breakfasts of waffles and daily chocolate brioche ‘ all breakfast are in the recommended calorie brackets’ I wanted to reply with ‘well so is six teaspoons of sugar but I wouldn’t feed my child that for breakfast’ but I bit my tongue.

I feel utterly rubbish that I have let my son down, am I being utterly stupid or are my concerns valid? What do I do now?

OP posts:
Blankiefan · 19/03/2019 21:41

I think both are valid concerns to raise. It is possible however that you'll be marked as "that parent" (I'm also "that parent" and deal with the eye rolling but it's better than not raising issues I care about).

Original poster
DailyMailFail101 · 19/03/2019 21:42

*being given

OP posts:
Original poster
DailyMailFail101 · 19/03/2019 21:43

I have never spoken to the school about anything before but I think I am probably ‘that parent’ now.

OP posts:

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whatsnewchoochoo · 19/03/2019 22:51

Why do you feel you let him down? You sound great

My mum was "that parent" - I bloody love her for it

ARandomPoster · 19/03/2019 23:20

You haven't let him down at all.

Is he happy at school? Does he enjoy going? Has he made friends? Does he enjoy the (unhealthy) meals? Does he cope with the different rules?

If the answer is yes to most of the above questions then that gets a thumbs up from me. School is not only about a formal, academic teaching. Especially in EYFS. School is about learning to interact with a whole range of adults and children, learning to understand expectations, following rules, accepting differences. Eating strange food in a loud place with different people. Managing time.

If you really hate the school then look for somewhere else, but it sounds like your child started reception at a level way above his peers. Although it would be great if the school were stretching him further, they also don't want to risk alienating him from his friends. There is plenty of time in the coming years for him to be told to write more, write neatly, add more detail, set it out this way. In the meantime he's settling in nicely and coping with what he's asked to do. By the time he's in y6 chances are you'll look back on these years and think how lovely it was when he was comfortable at his own pace instead of being run into the ground and programmed to pass the SATs exam.

bombaychef · 19/03/2019 23:33

You've not let him down at all but sounds like it's worth looking for a move. E.g The pegs thing would do my head in. I feel so strongly about the negative effect of telling girls ( and boys) that that's what girls do etc etc - narrowing options when they should be broadening horizons.

AlwaysCheddar · 20/03/2019 05:43

Question the English / writing.

The pegs... get a grip.

Desserts ... kids for decades have had these desserts. They will have burned off the calories running around at lunchtime, hopefully not with boys playing pirates and girls pretending to be princesses.

Guylian2019 · 20/03/2019 05:51

You do realise the puddings are usually made with vegetables etc and are not sugary. There are very strict guidance policies to adhere to.

CatToddlerUprising · 20/03/2019 06:00

I think you’re being unfair about the teacher and the #metoo movement. That movement is to do with sexual assault and harassment. Not sure how the link comes in with robots and princesses?

yearinyearout · 20/03/2019 06:08

Guylian I doubt you can make chocolate brioche from vegetables but if anyone has a recipe I'll take it.

aleC4 · 20/03/2019 06:20

Not sure about the breakfasts but guylian2019 is spot on about the puddings. They may look like big chunks of cake but the majority of them contain very little sugar.
Schools have very strict guidelines to follow now on the school meals they provide and will have to follow local authority guidance.

pictish · 20/03/2019 06:29

“I don’t want somebody so unaware of important issues teaching my child.”

As far as I’m aware you don’t get to personally select your child’s teacher. That gripe is so petty I just can’t believe you. Yes you can mention it (it so happens I agree) but no you may not take the haughty attitude that she is not fit to teach your son over it. You don’t get to choose.
Pay for a full time private tutor if you want everything to your own liking.

Hughes12345 · 20/03/2019 06:33

Teachers have got more things to worry about than pirate and princess pegs. It’s a non issue.

pictish · 20/03/2019 06:33

Seriously, who the fuck would be a teacher these days with all the parental whining and demanding that goes on...as if parents are doing them a favour allowing them to teach their precious children?

Newsflash - it’s not their privilege.

AuntieCJ · 20/03/2019 06:35

Yup, that parent for sure. Stop it.

pictish · 20/03/2019 06:36

Oh and if school dinners aren’t good enough for him, make him a packed lunch.
There now...problem solved.

pictish · 20/03/2019 06:37

And yes, you are letting your son down...by being a pain in the ass.

AssassinatedBeauty · 20/03/2019 06:45

The food thing, if it is a big problem for you then send him in with a packed breakfast and a packed lunch.

I would have been a little surprised at the needless separation into boys and girls pegs, with such stereotyped imagery. But surely it hasn't taken till now to notice? And rather than make a huge thing of it you could just simply and politely feedback to the teacher and explain why it's an issue. The BBC programme "No More Boys and Girls..." has a good explanation. It's got nothing to do with #MeToo though.

The work issue, again it shouldn't be such a huge issue. You need to communicate with his teacher. Most schools set aside a short time each week after school for parents to have a quick chat with their class teacher. Parents evening shouldn't be the first time that you speak to them.

IHeartKingThistle · 20/03/2019 06:55

Most reception children can't write sentences. Many can't write their name. Some won't have started phonics at all.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 20/03/2019 06:56

Have you not seen any of your son's work since he started school? I'm wondering how the standard can suddenly be so shocking? Also, is it possible that you were essentially "helping" him before, to the point that the homework produced didn't really reflect his knowledge?

Anyway, don't fret about the pegs and a bit of brioche. Just focus on the learning.

GreenerDarker · 20/03/2019 06:58

Was the teacher concerned with his writing?

I bet he still knows all his phonics sounds.

When he was in preschool was he blending and, more importantly segmenting independently? How much support was he getting writing his ‘simple sentence’? The end product of Writing a given sentence eg ‘a cat sat on a mat’ with someone guiding you through the process will look very different to a child independently writing something self directed eg ‘catboy jumps and kicks the baddies’. It won’t mean they’ve gone backwards though.

pictish · 20/03/2019 07:00

What has the #me too movement got to do with pirate and princess pegs anyway?

scarbados · 20/03/2019 07:00

I always compleated his homework and helped him with his reading etc at preschool.

Whose homework was it if you completed it? Has he 'gone backwards' because he's doing his own work now instead of you doing it for him?

HotpotLawyer · 20/03/2019 07:03

It isn’t normal or nevesssry for children in Reception to be writing in complete sentences. Or much at all.

The puddings in school dinners are made to recipes with very low sugar.

Quite right about the labels, and she listened and will change it.

Relax, let your Dc enjoy school.