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Can’t face everything falling apart

49 replies

FrothAndBubble · 18/03/2019 21:36

How do I face everything falling apart? I’m not strong enough to be strong for the children if it’s over. They love their Dad especially the youngest. We have a new home and have just moved to a new area (a year ago) but I feel the rug has just been pulled from under me.

DH took up a hobby and has been out 2-3 times a week straight from work, not getting back until after we are all asleep plus the hobby takes up a chunk of Saturdays too. It’s good that he enjoys it and I’m genuinely pleased he’s found a hobby he enjoys. I have at times resented the amount of time away from me and the kids and if I’m honest that I have to now do his share of the jobs on those days. He’s also started running 2-3 times a week before work too so it’s gone from being at home for some of the time in the morning before to leaving before we are even up. The combination of the early morning running and the evening/Saturday hobby at once have felt pretty life changing as it feels like we hardly see him. He’s out doing his thing and having fun whilst I race about, hanging out washing and sorting out the kids bickering, loading and unloading the dishwasher, tidying up etc.

Now he has said we have no common ground anymore and he is much more fun when he’s not with me. His friends don’t understand why he stays when he tells them what it’s like. He then listed all the things he enjoys that I don’t to prove his point and told me it’s over.

He’s not come back after work today and when our middle child text to ask if he was back for tea he told her no as he was going for drinks and dinner with a friend. I’ve pulled on all my willpower and resolve not to text or call him today and I will have to find more reserves for when he gets home as what I want to do is have a hug and ask to make up. If I ask for that and he refuses I’ll be in bits so I’m trying to make myself strong enough not to ask.

OP posts:
HeyCarrieAnneWhatsYourGame · 18/03/2019 21:40

I’m so sorry this is happening to you. If that was my husband I would be utterly furious. Why aren’t you cross? Maybe you’re nicer than me but I would be telling him that this isn’t on. Why is he just allowed to opt out of family life?

SummerHouse · 18/03/2019 21:45

He has told you it's over in an extremely horrible way. He does not sound like he is worthy of you. He sounds cruel and selfish. I would give him all the space he wants whilst you really think about if you actually want to be with him. Flowers

PoptartPoptart · 18/03/2019 21:46

Sorry to ask this op, but are you sure he is out doing his ‘hobby’ and not actually seeing/spending time with someone else?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

jellycatspyjamas · 18/03/2019 21:48

I’m sorry to say, there’s another woman - he’s peddling a classic, predictable script. Sort out your affairs and leave.

mineofuselessinformation · 18/03/2019 21:51

No, don't sort out your affairs and leave.
Sort out your affairs and make him leave.

dontdoxmeeither · 18/03/2019 21:58

Hope you manage to resist. Sounds like he's checked out of all his bloody responsibilities. What IS it with people who do this and leave the other partner doing all the running around?? So utterly, despicably selfish Angry

Mammajay · 18/03/2019 21:59

Why did you ever put up with him taking such liberties and now he is trying to turn it on you. Outrageous. Heartbreaking for you.

nicenewdusters · 18/03/2019 22:37

So he got married and had 3(?) children. Now he's got a lovely new hobby along with early morning runs which mean he's pretty much opting out of family life. Well lucky him!

As for his friends saying why does he stay with you when he tells them "what it's like" - why, what exactly does he think "it's like" ?? How old are his friends, fourteen ? Hold the front page - married man has responsibilities and is expected to fulfill them.

Why d'you want to give him a hug? I'd tell him to fuck off and go and stay with one of his new friends, then he can see what that's like. If he's more fun without you, great, crack on, go and have fun with your mates, or mistress, or new racing bike, or whatever it is. Oh, but perhaps explain to your dc why you've decided to abandon them.

If he says it's over, fine. Pack his bag and leave it on the front doorstep. I'd be beyond furious OP.

Palominoo · 19/03/2019 00:22

Listing all the things you don't have in common = I'm seeing someone else.

Boot him out, it will be tough at first but it will get better.

He has already distanced himself from you physically and emotionally and is unlikely to want to work things out so the soon you become proactive in sorting out the split the better you will feel.

AlunWynsKnee · 19/03/2019 00:31

I agree with jelly. There's another woman. Sorry :( Get angry. Or play a longer game.

Modestandatinybitsexy · 19/03/2019 07:20

Sorry you're going through such a tough time OP.

I agree with the above, his behaviour has been terrible and he's ending your relationship in the worst way. You need to get rid.

How did last night go?

Foonababoonalagoona · 19/03/2019 12:20

I am sorry everything feels like a pile of shit at the moment , but looking on the bright side ... At least when he's gone you know you can manage. You are one woman show now anyway doing everything yourself.
I certainly wouldn't be asking for hug I'd be asking for the front door key.

KindergartenKop · 19/03/2019 17:16

Make sure he gets 50% of access/work of those 3 kids OP!
Good luck, he's a dick.

lolaflores · 19/03/2019 17:22

I really feel for you OP. Perhaps his mid life crisis has landed a bit earlier than most...it usually brings out the twat in some people.
Right now, you will only draw all his ire and spite because you r in the way of hi. Having a good time.
With whomever he is doing with that.
Annoy the shit out of him is my advice.
Don't be a walk over.
He thinks he can just walk away.
Newsflash. Not in reality.
Be firm. Be adult and fight for what you and kids deserve.
This isn't about revenge, it's about compensating all your time, energy and investment in him.
The useless Fucker

ShakeYourTailFeathers · 19/03/2019 17:26

Wow. "Kids and housework are boring...I'm off"

what a cock.

FrothAndBubble · 19/03/2019 20:54

I’ve done what I know I shouldn’t have and pleaded him to stay with reasoning and apologies.

He still hasn’t decided and is having time away to think about it. I bring out the worst in him and don’t give him what he wants sexually or in life. I feel like shit but I love him and love us as a family. I haven’t eaten and have barely slept. I had to come home from work early as I just broke down there. He has gone to his hobby and then goes away with work early tomorrow. I just want to make it right for him, for me and for the 3 kids.

OP posts:
nicenewdusters · 19/03/2019 21:11

I'm sorry OP but he has decided. He told you before it was over for him. He's now just trashed you again.

Did he say where he was going to mull over whether he was going to abandon his wife and children.

What did you apologise to him for ? You haven't done anything. He's a nasty mean shit of a man. Who drops a bombshell on their wife, who works and looks after their children virtually single handedly, then swans off to their hobby to think. You may love him but he certainly isn't worthy of your love.

Get angry, get legal advice, get rid.

mineofuselessinformation · 19/03/2019 22:06

The thing is, you can't make it right if he doesn't want to - it needs to be the two of you that do that, and he's made his position clear.
Whether there's another woman in the background, or whether he's just a selfish man child, the outcome is the same.
I've been in your position, and I tried everything I could to make it work - it made no difference in the end.
I'm sorry you are going through this.

IncrediblySadToo · 19/03/2019 22:14

I’m really sorry, but without a doubt he’s having an affair.

Harsh as this will sound, the best way to deal with this is to accept it is over.

I know how you feel & what you want, but it’s not going to happen. He’s checked out. Yes, you might guilt him into staying, but it won’t last and while he’s there you’ll be walking in egg shells and eroding your last shred of self confidence.

Imagine him with someone else. Imagine him having sex with her, telling her he lives her, planning a future with her. See what’s really happening and get angry enough to take the lead and tell him to stay away.

It’s bloody hard, but you’ll feel better for it in the long run.

He’s a contemptuous bastard

I’m sorry he’s turned out like this.

LittleScottish · 20/03/2019 07:18

Do you believe there's a hobby as opposed to another woman, OP? Flowers

8FencingWire · 20/03/2019 07:22

Well, he can go, but he is having the kids 50/50. That’ll be a barrel of laughs for him. Selfish twat.
Hugs OP.

Singlenotsingle · 20/03/2019 07:28

He's absolutely, totally selfish with no thought whatsoever for you and the dc. It's all about him and what makes him happy.

Don't ask for a hug. Don't ask for anything. To you have to get angry, not needy. Without a doubt, there's an OW in the background. Pack his bags and kick the selfish, lying bastard out.

FrothAndBubble · 21/03/2019 02:10

Well you were right. There is someone else (in addition to the hobby). He won’t say who but I suspect someone at work.

I am told It’s all my fault. I treated him like shit for years and drove him to it.

OP posts:
Ella1980 · 21/03/2019 02:14

It's not your fault. I divorced my ex not because he was having an affair but because he was ridiculously controlling. He said it was my fault the marriage had failed because I didn't do what he told me!!

Love my life now and am happy again.

Follow your heart x

Smotheroffive · 21/03/2019 02:21

If you are upnot sleeping OP. Be packing all his shit together when he leaves in the morning you can throw it out after him, with your best wishes! Be clear he's broken his vows so he can do one.