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Original poster

Which school year is worse for bullying/queen bee treatment (girls)?

41 replies

WillDeleteThisLater · 17/03/2019 22:13

Which year at school is worse for bullying and/or general meanness activity among pre-teen and teen girls?

Teachers at our school say years 8 & 9 but I'd love to hear other opinions from mums with older kids and teachers.

Also are all schools as bad as each other in this regard? If not, what is it that your school does to stop such awful behavior?

For full disclosure, I have a struggling kid.. I am wondering what is normal and how far we let it go before taking drastic action like moving.

OP posts:
Leeds2 · 17/03/2019 22:19

For my DD, now 21, I think Year 8 was the worst. The girls all seemed to grow up a bit after that or, at least, there were more prepared to challenge the Queen B behaviour.

I am sorry that your DD is having a bad time.

TapasForTwo · 17/03/2019 22:25

For DD it was year 10. She had a horrific time.

Daddylonglegs1965 · 17/03/2019 22:25

Sorry Op I would say years 7 and 8 were worse for DD. She is now in Year 9 she’s not part of the popular tribe and has never wanted to be. Half way though year 9 and she has 3 or 4 friends who have similarly been shunned by or similarly opted out of the popular cliques. She has had a difficult time but I think she is quietly happy now and has developed ways getting through school and not attracting attention from the troublesome kids.
Does your DD have other interests and friends outside of school and could she try any new activities within school. It’s a horrible time and everything can be compounded by social media. We have always insisted DD keeps her phone on charge downstairs so she has some respite from whatever was going on she also blocked lot of kids. She has also helped other girls stand up to bullies and has spoke out when things are happening to other kids (I’d only someone had helped her when she was having difficulties).

Tweennightmare · 17/03/2019 22:30

Also my Dd definately year 8 . Unfortunately we relocated at this year back to the Uk ( from a school she loved overseas) so she started a new school then. It was hell . All the problems were around friendship groups . She was desperately unhappy couldn’t break into any friendship groups messed around by a few girls so much so that we made the decision to move her back overseas (my DH was still there) and I remained in the Uk with my DS who was half way through A levels .She settled straight back in to year 9 no problems since ( we returned back to the Uk for A levels, new school no problems this time, she has made some lovely friends)

toffee1000 · 17/03/2019 22:32

It probably depends on the school, and also the year group itself. Some are probably worse for bitchiness than others.

Nnnnnineteen · 17/03/2019 22:32

Y8 is not going well here.

Original poster
WillDeleteThisLater · 17/03/2019 22:34

It's a real mixed bag from the responses so far! She is a sensitive kid so takes it all so personally. As bad as the bullying has been, it has been when she has been frozen out of her friendship groups that has been much worse. Starting again is tough..

@Daddylonglegs1965 - there are very few activities in the school which doesn't help as the girls have far too much time on their own!

I'm sorry other DDs have also suffered Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
WillDeleteThisLater · 17/03/2019 22:37

@Tweennightmare gosh that sounds rough! It was so clearly the school then if she enjoyed her school abroad so much. Were the schools that difference in their dealing with pastoral care?

@Nnnnnineteen - sorry to hear your DD is in the same boat. It is utterly horrible. I'm very worried about what this does to their self esteem.

OP posts:
HollySwift · 17/03/2019 22:38

It used to be Y9, but it’s definirely more Y8 now. Y8 is vile all round, not just girls!

They start to get much more human in Y10, and there lovely by the time they leave school. Grin

alwayslearning789 · 17/03/2019 22:41

I clearly remember Year 8 as being the worst.

MrsApplepants · 17/03/2019 22:45

Definitely year 8

Nnnnnineteen · 17/03/2019 22:47

My dd is the fat, uncoordinated, spotty nerd and has fallen out with the gorgeous, tall, slim queen bee. I absolutely know my dd will get come into herself soon, but at the moment, nothing is going her way socially or physically and her self esteem is through the floor. I have removed all SM apps and am cheerleading as hard as I can, but nothing I can say compares with peer approval :(

ALannisterInDebt · 17/03/2019 22:51

Year 10 is not going well here, it seems it's the year that alcohol is at parties and boys are thrown in the mix.

Lots of jealousy and competitiveness (a vast difference in moral standards is throwing friendship off kilter as they realign with like minded friends) big learning curve for us....

Tweennightmare · 17/03/2019 22:52

Willdelete . I dont think they were that different and I will never know wether she might have experienced similar problems with existing friends at that stage if she had stayed in her old school but we are long term expats and Dd had been to 4 other schools prior to this move in year 8 and always made friends ( with 2 moves after year 8) and this is the only time we ever had problems with friendships . Dd is fairly confident and very friendly and handles change well but this almost broke her and there was no way we could have left her at that school . She was totally excluded and had no friends at all. I honestly believe it is that age with girls I think a combination of puberty , insecurity and noticing boys for the first time. My niece experienced really severe bullying In year 8 (as a result of a boy) and she had never changed school or her friendship group up to this point

Daddylonglegs1965 · 17/03/2019 22:54

I would hang fire re moving just yet things may settle down. Have you spoken to the school OP? Keep communication channels open with your daughter it is difficult as they can be moody hormonal and lash out at us. It wasn’t an easy time and DD’s confidence took a massive battering. Try and have some quality Mum and daughter time doing something she enjoys if you can. Even just going out for a walk or somewhere nice for a drink and cake.
It helped when a friend of a friends daughter at DD’s school in the year below had similar issues. I told DD and asked DD if it was a bit like that when she had had problems the year before (following being excluded from a friendship group and all the nastiness involved when the girls that had ditched her really wanted to stick the boot in to impress the popular girls as to how much they hated DD). The friend of a friend whose DD has issues still desperately wanted to be part of the popular cliques and her mum got her 3 or 4 sessions with a counsellor specialising in children’s issues which really seemed to help her enormously. Would this be something you might consider OP.

Smotheroffive · 17/03/2019 22:56

Years 8,9,10 I'd say. Weve seen some of the most upsetting and worst of life through those years, all of it! After that they seem to have decided their people and all settle down (just in time for the hard gcse studious attitude).

There was cutting, and threatened suicides, some awful emotional blackmailing, drugs pregnancies...yr 10 was a complete revelation from the moment of settling.

Once new groups are found and established, they can focus on their studies properly.

I was told 8&9 and I would agree they are the most intense.

Keep the girls busy with outside activities and other friendship groups too.

TapasForTwo · 17/03/2019 23:01

It was jealousy over a boy that caused DD's problems in year 10.

Drogosnextwife · 17/03/2019 23:07

For me (I'm in Scotland so it's primary classes here) so for me it was primary 6 (I was 10/11) and second year in high school (I was 13/14) . Those were the worst years, I contemplated suicide on more than one occasion. Always the same person and I know it wasn't just me that was targeted but they were good at making everyone isolate you.

beenhereages1 · 17/03/2019 23:09

DS has fortunately had a great time so far, however I know a lot of his female friends have had friendship issues- usually over boys etc

They're year 10.

PickAChew · 17/03/2019 23:18

Year 8 is peak horrid. Both boys and girls are hormonal and friendship groups in complete flux.

willstarttomorrow · 17/03/2019 23:20

Here it was year 6. Single entry primary and far too many parents working in the school, it was awful and they needed to move on. DDs friendship group has changed entirely at High School. It is not without problems but they tend to sort it out amongst themselves. Instagram seems to be the problem so I keep an eye on it and encourage things outside school with various friends. It seems that there are one or two who will try to divide and conquer.

CluedoAddict · 17/03/2019 23:27

Year 9 definitely.

GrimDamnFanjo · 18/03/2019 01:26

I'm a school governor and for us year 9 is a difficult year.

Tavannach · 18/03/2019 01:30

Year 8

Original poster
WillDeleteThisLater · 18/03/2019 08:24

So years 6-10 are bad for a lot of people, possibly peaking in years 8&9. It sounds like the school was right..
Goddamnit!! Sad

What is it about how we raise girls that means even friendship groups are toxic, never mind the bullying stuff?

And how come no-one is ever parent to one of these girls.. Do we chose what we see?

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