Any parents of SEN kids around to hear me moan?

[Roscommonet]

Just that really.

Listening to the moan and sympathising, at least my DS can rotate his clothes. DD still isn't toilet trained properly day or night despite being 4 and in Reception and otherwise NT we think, so all her clothes are basically mildly smelly.
We have a cleaner weekly and she will tidy (aka put them all in the Lego box) toys. I'd be switching cleaners.
My current moan is play dates. Nobody will arrange them with either DC and I think it's down to DS because DD's friends' parents know what he's like.

One thing no one seems to warn you about is the amount of misplaced bodily fluids!

How much money can you throw at this? Ikea do small item delivery from £3.95 - you could stock up on spare waterproof sheets, ordinary sheets, lidded bins - just more of every thing. And whiteboards so you can put lists on them.

Just to say my eldest has different issues (medical, bowel & urine) so I totally get you with the constant washing of bedding etc.

This is my best bed mat. No tucking in but doesn't move, washes well and dries fairly quickly. Easy to hang over radiator. I have 3 of them & one I'd always in the wash and one on the bed and one spare. www.incontinencechoice.co.uk/bed-and-chair/bed-pads-draw-sheets/washable-bed-pads-draw-sheets/fusion-washable-bed-pad-90x90cm-without-tuck-in-flaps-2000ml.html

On top of DD I layer a flat sheet, then a thin duvet with a duvet cover on. If this gets wet there's a fleece blanket at the end of the bed. Sometimes I only have to wash the sheet, but if the duvet's also wet the whole thing goes in with the duvet cover on. Dry it with the cover on too.

Yiure doing an amazing job. It is incredibly frustrating to work so hard and feel like youee getting nowhere with the workload so I just want to send appreciative vibes to everyone who's in this position. Your work us appreciated, even though the kids and DH don't notice.

Do apply for DLA. Forms are endless but photocopy it before you send it off so you can easily reapply.

Thankyou all. I fee less “alone” today.

We get DLA for two of them thank goodness. They both have EHCPs too so that’s one bit pretty much sorted, although we are about to go to Tribunal over the Care of one of them. We’ll win, it’s just more stuff for me to do.

Another handhold here.
I only have 1 DC (ADHD/ASD - formerly known as aspergers). And a DH who shows asd type traits (and adhd traits, and is somewhat dyslexic but just copes with it and occasionally asks for help to spellcheck things).

DH has been under a significant deadline looming for a month, swore he would take time off this week after working straight through the past 3 weekends, but took half a day.

Dd May be hf, but dear lord, can have her moments and is going through puberty and school stresses so everything is ramped up at home, her "safe space". So no food is right, nor any clothes, and she's constantly "bored" but won't accept any ideas to do things that don't involve using me. Meanwhile I have a lot on that need to get sorted as my boss is caring for his terminally ill wife and my Cub pack are going away this weekend and my exam (night class) is coming up in 2 weeks.

I agree with layering the beds, that really does help (we have had various issues over the years, and it has saved much angst in the middle of the night).

We have always worked on 1 thing at a time. There are usually lots that need to be worked on. But only doing 1 means we have a better chance of success in that 1 and then move on to the next.

So maybe work on getting them all to not worry about accidents happening, but that all results (dirty underwear, pull-ups, sheets - whatever) go to their correct places. Show them all the right places, and physically put a pull-up into the bucket/bag/spot so that they see. And put a dirty underpants into the hamper or beside the washing machine or wherever your spot is.

Then start working on catching up on the laundry, can they help fold the clean things or otherwise get involved? And learn to tell you if they need something instead of just pulling it all out - or at least leaving it the way they found it.

Hugs

Have you tried the reverse method for getting dressed. You dress them, they do the last item of clothing. Once they're reliable with that, they do the second to last and last etc.
Ditch the clothes with fastenings. Not worth the hassle. You should be able to get elasticated stuff - we found until age 10, then it gets trickier. Chunky plastic zips. No buttons.

Yes, we do reverse chaining with Ds2. In the right mood, he can do everything but on a school morning he'll finish off putting on his docks, after I've placed one over his toes and put his shoes and maybe his jumper on after I've sent him back to do it, 3 or 4 times. He gets distracted by the noise coming out of his head because its6at least 10 minutes since he told me that grandma and grandad have a Sony telly and a million other things he constantly has to be telling me.

If iPad ban makes your
Life more difficult(And it would mine) dont use it for name calling. ( or respond and deflect ....thanks darling yes i do have a very nice head)
Hardly worth it. Ignore
There are bigger battles.

Ah yes, reverse chaining. I knew it had a proper name!

I keep spares of the DC sheets next to their bed. 2x in DS's cupboard more space, he's a boy! and one in DD's room.

I also involved him in the cleaning up of hidden poo. Not as a punishment, more as a matter of fact 'this is what we do now' inconvenience. I.e. making his hiding that he'd made a mess far more inconvenient to him than dealing with it at the time. Once he twigged that, I always thanked him for telling me, reminded him where it goes (bucket in the shower) etc. May not be the most pc parenting way but it definitely worked.

I also had the issue with DH. I found assigning a day to his washing worked for me. DH's weekly work clothes wash has to be done by Wednesday evening. Even if it's the only household task that gets done on a Wednesday, that's ok, as long as that load of washing is done.

I’ve found my people. It’s so, so hard and so, so lonely.

I’m going to break at some point.

Hugs to everyone on this thread.

Op I think I love you for having a child like dd2 who also can't rotate or sequence her clothing. While it can amuse and baffle her for hours trying to work out which way pants go on - it wears you down over time. I also have the serial shitting continence problems to manage - normally they're now tolerable but we're mid regression at the moment. Plus the eldest who I am sure is somewhere on the well socially masked end of the autistic spectrum is horrifically overhyped for birthday parties and being very challenging of late and DH tends to hide a fair bit if he can get away with it.

They're cute as hell when they're asleep though!

I'm with you here- especially with the multiple changes of bedding. The youngest has 5 complete sets of bedding. Including duvets.

My tip is buy a load of nursing home soluble laundry bags. They only dissolve in high heat but it means that in the middle of the night all I have to do is shove the vile bedding in a bag. Come the morning all I have to do is shove the bedding, bag and all in the washing machine. 60 degree prewash or 90 degree prewash if it's bad.

His duvets are from bedding heaven on Amazon. Slight seconds which usually means some wonky stitching but a 4 tog duvet is about £15 and machine washes and tumble dries beautifully.

And urine neutraliser gets disgusting smells out of just about anything. Including sofas and yes btdt.

Our biggest issue here is new clothes and shoes. Because we don't do new and are still squeezing into pants 2 sizes too small. New clothes get put into drawers to be inspected in his own time. Shoes are a whole different kettle of fish.

Sending hugs, empathy and lavender
🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀

I've also heard reverse chaining or similar called "error free learning" i.e. you only get them to do what they can already do 99% of the time and then make it a bit harder next time.

OK so currently trying to work out which I hate more:
Parents who bang on about how brilliant their child is on FB.
Parents who post memes about being kind to children with SEN but never make moves to be kind to my child with SEN.
School banging on about how lucky my child is that they haven't excluded him permanently yet.

They need locking in a room together.

We do have comedy moments. Put some dried fruit to steep in tea, overnight, to make a tea loaf for ds2's packed lunches. Ds2 spied the bowl, after dinner and insisted it must be pudding. Even went rummaging through the fridge for cream to gave with it 😅

Oh I definitely hate the "oooh we must include everyone... share a photo of this little angel who didn't get anyone coming to his birthday party because he's... special" FB brigade more than anything else (especially since the photos are usually click bait pilfered from elsewhere on the internet.

Hopefully DD2's difficulties have literally been life changing though - I'm desperately pursuing a career change to train in speech therapy after what we've been through with her and her communication difficulties. Thankfully the chief queen bee mother in DD2's social exclusion at school (the daughter desperately wanted to be DD2's friend but mum kept blocking it and wouldn't even let her say hello on the playground) has moved schools so things have opened up a little bit more for DD2 socially now at least. She's a fantastic kid - amazing dry sense of humour and comic timing and so incredibly kind natured - they're really missing out on a lot cutting her out because she sounds a bit funny (her speech has come on amazingly though) and is off-kilter with sensory and coordination stuff.