Any parents of SEN kids around to hear me moan?

[Roscommonet]

Just that really.

Pickachew I know what he was like as a bachelor and believe me, he rarely looked presentable, but he got away with it as he is freakishly talented at what he does. So they overlooked him turning up looking like he’d slept in a bush.

You sound like you are doing amazingly, despite life's best attempts to crack you. Small thing you may not to address now, but the clothes fastening thing can be sorted (if you ever had a spare hour or a local tailor type person) v easily, let me know if you want suggestions.

DH is undiagnosed. The kids get their autistic traits from him and their ADD stuff from me. I’m fairly certain I have some ADD things going on, really rubbish executive function for example, plus sensory stuff.

I’m a SAHM by the way. I should have this licked. I had a v successful career pre kids, but that was when I only had to think of one thing at once and the house wasn’t covered in shit.

Drop a bag of washing off...pick it up clean dry folded. (But maybe smelling if sone weird commercial soap.. so maybe not good if ypur dc used to your preferred brand.... Or some places will pick it up. If you know colours won't run mix it up.

And Or just get your cleaner person to take out washing for you from machine etc . It s daft to not want cleaner / household help more time when you could pay to have someone but just explain you'd like them to help tidy as well...

Do you get dla for the dc? Spend it making your life easier .

Completely understand. 5 dc (aged between 12 and 4) with similar needs to yours and an autistic dh. Drowning in laundry. Younger 2 are mostly toilet trained at school but have accidents most days at home.
I usually have at least one set of bedding (including duvet and pillow) on the line daily. Life has got a bit easier since youngest started school but not much and I'm going to throttle the next person who tells me I should be working now that the dc are all at school.

I see Husband (probably) has an Autistic Spectrum Condition. My DP is diagnosed with this.

In my experience this means a lot of apparently logical strategies are total non starters and DP/Husband is doing his best already. We have our own unusual set up. May I humbly suggest the illogical strategy of getting a second washing machine?

Nnnnnnineteen, the clothes thing sends me to the edge of reason. He can’t do buttons or laces, but the real problem is that he can’t work out what order things go on in, or which way is the right way round, and he can’t mentally rotate them never mind physically, so unless something goes on right first time, he moves on to the next item as that one was “wrong”. I love him with every fibre, he is beautiful and funny and kind, but this sends me mental.

He’s started having weekly OT to help with it, but there’s still a part of me that wants to scream when he puts on his trousers but forgets to wear pants, or puts on his school t shirt on over his jumper.

Haha! You need to remind him of that, then!

Bedding wise, Ds2 has:
4 waterproof backed Terry mattress protectors.
Topped with a mosaic of bed pads.
Nice but reasonable priced sheets.
Several sets of cheap, identical duvet cover and pillowcases. I prefer nice cotton but these are thin polycotton because they was and dry quickly and I don't feel too bad about ditching them when they're crusted in solid mess or barfed chips.
All seasons duvet. Thinner components are easier to wash before mess dries on than thicker ones.

We moved into this house just over a year ago and it's the only house we viewed that didn't have a utility room. The living space suited us better, though. Easier to keep them out of each others hair. I still wish I had a utility room I could put a lock on, though. If you have one, it's worth you doing that. We used to have a numberpad lock on our bedroom door, so we could keep things out of reach.

Neome In my experience this means a lot of apparently logical strategies are total non starters and DP/Husband is doing his best already.

OMG that’s my marriage. There.

Pickachew I’m saving your post, that’s like a masterclass.

We only have 100% cotton bedding because I hate the feel of anything else, but balls to that, the kids don’t care!

And down duvets! Why have my kids got those?? I’m such an amateur.

Elliejjtiny five kids and people ask why you’re not in work?

And you can pick up duvets for £10... which makes it cost effective to throw out if gets mucky than clean.... Also pillows and cases get the cheapest reasonable quality (ds used to pick nose til it bled profusely at night....had to throw out much bedding .)

And make bed in layers waterproof cover then sheet then waterproof then sheet so you just rip off one layer set at night....

You need (a personal assistant) to take photos of his clothes in the order they go on, or if you are more artistic than me, draw a big old timeline on his wall. Pants, vest, trousers, top. Put a red blob on the bit that goes at the back of him. Put a strip of Velcro behind all buttons. Buy the laces that don't need lacing (there is a technical thing but wine trumps memory). Get crew neck not v neck jumpers. Set them out on his bed facing down when he gets dressed. I appreciate these are all a bit pie in the sky tonight, but with practice, they should help!

Is that for the husband, or the child, nineteen? :o

And make bed in layers waterproof cover then sheet then waterproof then sheet so you just rip off one layer set at night....

That is GENIUS.

And yes I have a nosebleeder. He’s had it cauterised twice but it still happens sometimes.

And how’s this for stupid? We bought him one of those really high desk/bed things from ikea and it’s REALLY hard to change the sheets! Argh!

Nnnineteen, we had a visual timetable for him for dressing and yes, if I lay it all out like a boy then he might manage most of it. But I forget. or I get behind and then it doesn’t always happen. I’m going to do another visual guide for him.

We only have Velcro or slip ons in this house, although the default setting of them all, when not naked, is shorts, wellies and a t shirt.

I'm not surprised you forget, you are incredibly stretched. Maybe when you are chatting and putting him to bed, pile it up in the right order and way round (ie trousers back to front, then top back to front, then vest back to front, then pants back to front) so it's all ready to go in the morning. None of this is easy, it really isnt, but hopefully a bit of time training will mean less time in the long run.

M&S do clothes for kids with sensory issues / asd as my friends boy has a fear of buttons! He is asd and M&S do a school shirt with Velcro, not sure what else though but might be worth taking a look

Roscommonet

Blummin heck, can I just say that your sleeping bag solution is genius - an I've stored that away in my mental arsenal, so thank you

Re: socks, is it the toe seams bothering him? Would wearing them inside out help?

Also re: clothes orienteering - do you think he'd navigate them better if there was coloured tabs? So all t shirt/jumper hems and trouser waistbands would have a sewn in green tab (or anything that works like colour in a decent sized 'spot' using a sharpie pen or some sort of iron on label thingy) at the front on the inside (so next to his belly button iykwim). Tell him he needs to look for the green tab/spot and that that's the hole he goes in and he's got it on correctly when the spot lines up where his belly button is. Sorry, don't know if that makes any sense 🙈

Sorry cross posted with you Nnnnnineteen with marking clothes.

Holy shit.

Bad night, up at 1, 2 4 and 5 with child 2. Child 3 threw his pull-up down the stairs and it exploded and child 1, with the continence issues, pooed on the sofa. Proper poo. Chenille sofa.

I am so fucking sick of this.

So, I’ve just dropped 2 ginormous bags of washing at the laundrette, and am about to hire a carpet shampoo thing. The kids were horrid on the way to school and eldest called me a “shit head” so they’re now on an iPad ban. And everyone is sleeping in their own beds tonight, end of.

I've got one of those waterproof mattress protectors on my sofa with a sheet on top. 5 year old's pull up leaked again last night so I've got to wash all his bedding including the duvet.

Oh OP I’m sorry for this nightmare for you.

Chuck a load of bicarbonate on the offensive stuff. It really helps with smell. Do you have Napisan? This is for soaking nappies and it’s non bio, but it does get rid of stains and smells. Well worth having.

Something else for you - those Ikea fleece blankets that cost £3. They dry in literally 20 minutes. We had them on sofas and beds and each child had their own colour. They are useful to have around.

Did you have a think about the cleaner? And also- I think someone asked upthread about DLA? If you don’t already have this you shouldn’t look at it. The form is difficult to fill out for SEN as it’s designed for physical disabilities but Ipsea has a guide to each question from a SEN point of view. It’s not easy and took me weeks to fill out - but we did get DLA.

its worth pointing out that guilt plays a massive part in the difficulty for being a parent of SEN. Worth thinking about counselling or reading a bit about this : it’s so easy to beat yourself up about your kids problems and how you’re coping with them.

‘Should’ look at DLA not shouldn’t!