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Original poster

Ds calls MIL mum, I hate it.....

45 replies

madcow72 · 13/03/2019 07:46

Hi all, I'm new to this. So please bear with me.
My son has started calling is future MIL mum, and it hurts my heart... he moved away to live with his GF, which also happens to be only a couple of roads away from MIL and i rarely see him.... why does this hurt so much

OP posts:
SilverBirchTree · 13/03/2019 07:48

Has he stopped calling you Mum? Otherwise I don't think you have anything to worry about. You'll always be his mum, other relationships he develops in life won't change that.

Smelborp · 13/03/2019 07:51

It sounds like that’s just being polite. It’s a good thing if he has good relationships with his in-laws. You’ll always be his mum. Flowers

ElizabethMainwaring · 13/03/2019 07:51

Hello. Tell him it upsets you. He should be able to understand. He is being thoughtless. Just tell him.

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SmallFastPenguin · 13/03/2019 07:55

This is a common thing in some communities if he has moved away then he may have gone somewhere like that. It's a bit old fashioned, along the lines of calling all adult friends of your parents auntie and uncle.

MadameMim · 13/03/2019 07:56

It may be instigated by the MIL. When I first got engaged, my MIL started referring to me as her new third child. Shock I think the expression on my face put a stop to that quickly though! Or perhaps DH mentioned it to her and that's why she stopped.

Either way, worth talking it over with your son.

Hadalifeonce · 13/03/2019 07:59

I used to call my exMIL mum, it didn't seem right to call her by her first name. I call MIL by her first name as she asked me to.

avocadochocolate · 13/03/2019 08:00

My parents used to call their MILs 'mum' too but also their own mums. It didn't mean their affection and closeness to their own mums was in any way diminished; it simply was a way of showing love and respect to their MILs.

MrsArabin · 13/03/2019 08:04

It may be instigated by the MIL Could well be.
My mother always called my grandma 'mum' because grandma wanted it that way. They were never close, and my dad's mum was never considered as important as her own mother.

Yogagirl123 · 13/03/2019 08:06

I am with you on this OP, I would hate my kids calling anyone else but me mum.

I could never call my wonderful MIL mum,, because she isn’t my mum, she has even said in the past you can call me mum if you like, and I know she would be delighted if I did, she always says she thinks of me as a daughter, but I just can’t. It just feels wrong.

The same as I can’t understand parents who’s kids call them by their first names. Being a mum is special, only two people can call me mum.

Kukumbr · 13/03/2019 08:07

Ah, I see why you’re upset, but in some circles it’s just a politeness. I call my MIL mum sometimes, she likes it.

Palominoo · 13/03/2019 08:12

My daughter's previous longterm boyfriend took to calling me MummyName. It was off his own back and funny and endearing.

My sons partner is like a daughter to me and we are very close but she calls me by my name only.

Both my children call their partners mothers by their names but it wouldn't bother me what they called them.
It's how they treat you not what they call you or others that matter.

Slazengerbag · 13/03/2019 08:21

This used to be really common and in some communities it still is.

I get you op I’d be upset if my children called anyone else mum.

downcasteyes · 13/03/2019 08:22

I think this is a cultural thing - in some communities it's common, in others it's not.

I think you should tell your son how you feel, but in a gentle and self-deprecating way: 'I know I'm being silly, I really am, but it hurts me when you call her Mum. I feel a bit pushed out. It's ridiculous, I know you don't mean it" etc. Hopefully that will be enough to send a signal without making him feel defensive or turning this into some kind of strange competition.

Sarahjconnor · 13/03/2019 08:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PinkHeart5914 · 13/03/2019 08:24

I call my mil Mum, she is bloody lovely and has treated me like her family from when I first met her.

My mum luckily isn’t offended she’s just glad I’ve got good in laws

diabeticsanon · 13/03/2019 08:26

you need to tell him he probably doesn't realise you're upset.

HotpotLawyer · 13/03/2019 08:28

It’s normal in some communities to call your MIL Mum.

I call my MIL a name that means Mum because the entire family call her that.

I still call my own Mum Mum, and know she is my actual real mother and that is a rule no one else will ever have.

SamStephens · 13/03/2019 08:29

I call my MIL mum when I’m talking to my DH or SIL about her it’s just habit for me. But then I grew up with everyone - including my friends - calling my Mum “mum” because that’s all I knew her as and “Mrs X” was always too formal.

Maybe speak to him about it?

I suppose I’d hope that my kids future partners would feel comfortable calling me Mum if they chose so I’d feel a hypocrite if i took offence in a reverse situation. I suppose to me it’s just a term of endearment and doesn’t take away from the fact you’re his actual mum.

maras2 · 13/03/2019 08:32

My lovely late MIL asked me to call her mum.
I was only too pleased to do so but asked my own mum's opinion.
She was fine with it.
I'm 65 so it may be an older person thing as we very seldom used 'grown up's' first names, they were either Mrs. or Auntie.

Frenchmontana · 13/03/2019 08:32

Tell him it upsets you. He should be able to understand. He is being thoughtless. Just tell him.

No he isnt. Lots if people call their pil 'mum and dad' it's his decision.

It bares no reflection on his relationship with the OP. It doesnt mean he loves her less or doesnt consider her, his mum. Just that he chooses to call mil it as well.

diddl · 13/03/2019 08:34

I don't think I'd like it either-but surely it's up to him?

Does he call her mum to you when he's talking about her?

How far away is he now?

Perhaps you wouldn't care so much if you were seeing him more often?

Original poster
madcow72 · 13/03/2019 08:34

He still calls me mum and other amusing daft names x

OP posts:
AnnaMagnani · 13/03/2019 08:36

Tell him! He should have the brains not to do it around you.

My MIL thought I was going to call her Mum - no fecking way, I didn't like her plus that would have made my FIL Dad and my own DF was dying at the time. I was furious she could be so insensitive.

It's a common British thing to do but becoming less so. I think your DS is just being an idiot/lazy and letting his GF manage his relationships.

Sexnotgender · 13/03/2019 08:38

My FIL went apeshit because I refuse to call him dadConfused

QOD · 13/03/2019 08:41

My bil, who I don’t like, calls my mum ‘ma’
Makes me stabby

My friend calls her recently ex in-laws mum
And dad. Seems weird. It’s just not me!

I call my step mum by her first name but write to her as WIcked Step mother. Which amuses us