Overhaul my life?

[cuervos]

Hi,

NC for this as I'm a bit embarrassed.

So the story is I feel like I've hit a stumbling block in most areas of my life. I'm coasting really and not very happy. Outwardly people must think I've got a great life. Nice home, holidays, beautiful kids, SAHM etc.

But I'm 40ish, in a rut and bloody lonely.

I seem to spend a lot of time just at home doing very little. My friends have their own lives to live and tbh I feel that they are drifting or heading in their own directions (came as a really upsetting shock to me but have to accept it).

My DH is fine but works and has other interests too that keep him busy although he is very involved with me and the DCs.

I just feel stuck. Bored maybe. I want to change everything. I'm not hugely overweight but I am aiming to lose a couple of stone. I have travel plans to look forward to. But day to day I'm finding myself getting more and more isolated.

Maybe I need a project? A routine that would get me out more? I don't know. But anything that might give me a boost would be a start.

Any suggestions? Thanks for reading if you got to the end of my pity party

What special interests do you have? What hobbies?

Not much really. I don't like sports and this weather is not good for walking.

I like reading but that's quite isolating in itself. Cooking, but again, not very sociable.

I'm a sociable person. But I've found myself in a position where the people I used to spend a lot of time with are drifting.

How about some volunteer work op? It would get you out of the house and give you the opportunity to socialise and meet people.
How about a local charity shop? Or library or church or a charity helping older people do shopping/run errands?

If you like reading, you could join or start a book club...or attend writing classes.

Do you want to do paid work?
You are in a fortunate position if you neither want or have to.
It sounds like you have too much time on your hands. Volunteers are needed in many places - the obvious ones being hospitals, charity shops etc. But what about the National Trust or Theatres?

I was feeling the same way as you last year. I started volunteering in a charity shop two days a week between school hours. I have been enjoying it and have met some lovely people and learned new skills. It is a posh charity shop so there is some lovely things to sell. Even though I enjoy it, I have a still felt that I need something more, so this week I have enrolled on a college course two days a week and I will continue volunteering one day a week. In the past I have done open university courses which have been great but they are mostly done at home alone. Going out to college will be very good for me, I hope!

Thank you. Yes, I think I'll look into volunteering.

I've definitely got too much time on my hands and I know I'm lucky not to have to work. Feel like I should just be grateful for that!

You should be grateful OP but that doesn't help how you feel.
I love the idea of working for the National trust. They have many jobs for volunteers both inside and outside. What about the WI? Many younger people like yourself are members. Many of the ushers at theatres/ events are also volunteers. I plan to do some of the above when I retire. I teach PT at the moment. My teacher pension age is 67 at the moment Absolute nightmare.

Whitedust what has happened with pensions in recent years is disgraceful so I feel for you.

I'm very grateful, but think since I've stopped working I've relied on a very small circle of friends for company and now I'm getting a bit lost.

Hobbies and volunteering must be the way to go. I've considered it before but I think now might be the time!

Honestly, think about a job. A part time job that would fit around your existing commitments (or with small tweaks would work). I don't have to work for the money but I would bloody love a job for all the reasons you say. Health is getting in the way at the moment.

Also, I got a book called Atomic Habits on audio book which was super helpful at getting me into some better routines including some fitness/diet stuff.

You do sound grateful op but just a teeny bit bored

I think the volunteering sounds pergevt

Sounds like me. I work part-time but my family lives thousands of miles away and I feel a bit adrift. Try setting goals that are measurable (S.M.A.R.T.) and so will give you a sense of satisfaction when you achieve some of the tasks towards it. I need a bit of a weight and style revamp and to plan more constructive things. Be good to yourself OP

I was the same, moved to a new area, friends drifted because we all had our own directions.
I joined the PTA and our memorial park group. Both of these don’t require a large amount of commited weekly time, just helping on events etc, but I have gained lots of friends who I see all the time. It has also allowed me to take on the hobbies I love, for example, I love gardening, so I have grown plants for the school fair to be sold for the PTA, no loss for me because they are happy to pay for the materials.

Will look up Atomic habits book

What a great situation to be in OP - treat this like a new start and go and try lots of different things. Like every week set yourself a new challenge. Start with stuff you already like - so join a walking group, or cookery class/lesson. Find your passion- and enjoy!

If I was in your situation I would...

Volunteer at a food bank
do a photography course then sell pictures online
Sign up to a car maintenance course
Do a circus workshop
Learn a language

Thanks, I'll look up atomic habits book too.

I can't think of a job that would give me the school holidays time off that I want/need other than working in a school and that type of work is just not for me! Unless maybe I tried a dinner lady job.

I'm going to set myself some targets, even just getting more fresh air while the kids are at school although the weather isn't helping at all!

I found a great place near me that did exercise classes, i hate "exercise" but found that really fun and made a lot of friends there. It was definitely not a gym. There were plenty of normal people there looking to shed a bit of weight and enjoy themselves at the same time. Pilates classes are good, they're more about stretching than getting hot and sweaty.

The beauty of volunteering is that you tell them when you're able to help.

I think if you put yourself out there and push yourself to do a few things out of the home, you'll meet other people and things will go from there. It's easy to get isolated and then it takes effort to get back out there again.

Tea and crisps that's exactly the way I need to look at it! Positively rather than the pity party I was absolutely having when I wrote this post

I've looked at volunteering and am considering the food bank and also looking at charities that work with elderly people.

I wouldn't mind a creative writing course or something like that but can't find anything in my area.

I'm going to continue with the eating well and am going to try and find some local cookery classes. I think I'd enjoy that too.

Sounds really fun! Enjoy enjoy enjoy

If you like to cook and bake, and want to volunteer you could host a tea afternoon for the elderly. The charity "contact the elderly" run these.

Thanks chips. I'll look into that. I'm a terrible baker but I could rope in the mil for that part!

You could volunteer as an elderly befriender, at a local nature reserve or a charity shop. Also, maybe start a craft - they are really rewarding. Like sewing, knitting, DIY. Look at MeetUp groups.

I have found a online learning surprisingly good.

I am early 40s, married, no kids and I don't work, haven't for years. I spend most days alone but if I'm honest I never feel lonely as I am pretty introverted and I'm not wanting more social interaction.

I do have things I like to do with my time that are productive and rewarding but sometimes its easy to slide into inertia when you don't have a boss or deadlines. Especially this time of year when the weather is still grim.

The recommendation of Atomic Habits is a good one I read that also and found it helped kick start the new year for me. I think also if you want to be more social then you will have a lot of opportunities to get out and change up your life.

Yes, the weather isn't helping. I haven't really felt like this until recently but before I slip into isolation I really need to tackle it.

I have just signed up to a distance learning course with OU. It's a free one so I can see how it goes. I'm actually starting it this afternoon!

I'll register my interest to volunteer with some charities too later on. And a healthy food shop when I do the school run will be a bonus.