Social Services meeting my child without my concent

[NadeFC]

Hi
Social Services had a meeting with my daughter and other parties at her school this week and I knew nothing about it.
Is this acceptable?
Thank you

That is completely natural Nade! I would be the same in your shoes.

Have you been able to access counselling for yourself? I know you will be rightly focusing on your dd but you need someone who you can open up to and share the process of grieving for what has been stolen from your baby and from you. You are rightly furiously angry (in fact the words available to describe that level of hurt and anger don’t exist), I hope that you have someone/ somewhere where you can vent that anger and process the awful emotions that you have likely been containing, so you can concentrate on helping, supporting and protecting your little girl.

I’m wondering if perhaps your manner could have been misconstrued by the school in some way? I’m just wondering if you have unknowingly come across as angry/defensive with the school and they have chosen to speak to your dd alone, just to check that everything is well at home. Written word in particular can be easily misconstrued as this post has shown you.

Nade I see your point. It seems like very poor practice not to have contacted you and discussed things with you first unless you were in some way under suspicion of treating her poorly. That they have added to your daughter's distress is evidence of how SS involvement can impact negatively on the people they are tasked with supporting. It must feel as though they have no idea of the potential damage they can do - damage that the state has already done enough of with the court case.

I hope your daughter recovers from the trauma of the interrogation and that SS become a useful support for you all.

I don't know anything about the legalities of SS but wanted to say I can see why you would be upset by this. Just the fact they've gone behind your back implies a lack of trust from them to you, as well as a lack of consideration for your DD's feelings. I can only assume they felt they had a very good reason and perhaps you need to get to the bottom of that with them. I'm so sorry for you and your DD OP, you've been through an awful lot.

Sometimes socials workers see children alone at school to have some privacy If you are against the sw seeing your child alone then make a complaint and make it clear, but i would say does your daughter mind?

I'm so sorry for what your child has been through in her young life, and sincerely hope she is able to heal and recover the horrors she's endured.

My question op, would be less can they, but more about why did they. This is a decision they have taken. It was not by accident.

As such, I'd contact the school, ask for contact details, and call them, and ask about it,

With your child I would explain that this is not like the court case, it's about helping her, and ensuring she gets the best support she can. That it's ok to talk to them, in fact it's good to, and to be as open with them as she can.

Just a quick thought on not answering private numbers, which you are quite rightly wary of - if you answer and they say they're someone official, tell them you want to call them back to confirm their identity and they need to give you a number to ring them on. In my one experience of almost speaking to someone who wasn't who they said they were, they refused to give me a number. With what you've been through you're right to be careful but there may be services (of many different types) looking to help you and your daughter and often they just need to speak to you. But always check their identity to put your mind at rest.

If you are involved with social services and other agencies, you have to answer private numbers, or you miss things. Answer with caution- but answer.

Well if they're trying to 'help' the young girl, they're going about it like how a bull in a china shop would.
I'd be furious too if had further upset my child.
What was the purpose of this meeting interrogation ?

When I said above that they are not like the police for e.g., a minor has all sorts of rights if brought in for questioning - right to legal representation, right to have a parent/guardian present, right to remain silent etc. etc.

SS seem to operate around some arbitrary regulation called 'the best interests of the child'. That appears to be interpreted in their own sweet way and can seem like a blunt instrument.
It would have been courtesy to have left a voice message/sent a letter to give you a heads up. They are alienating you but that's how they operate I suppose.
I hope they do actually precipitate extra supports for both you and your daughter, so while they have their nose stuck in your family's lives, you might as well utilise them. Start asking them for actual help and see how quickly they'll wind their necks in.

Op I don’t know if you have said but how old is your daughter. If she is 16 or over I don’t think she needs your consent. I could be wrong.

I think some of the replies here earlier on in the thread are pretty mean and judgemental.

This lady is reaching out to a community of mums, a community she thought would understand. You know what? Even if she did come across as a little blunt, I think she has every right given the circumstances. She’s going through such a lot, I imagine her mind is racing at a million miles an hour, who would have time for niceties? It was International Women’s Day last week - let’s practice what we preach and be women who support women.

OP, I can totally, totally understand why the SS meeting has thrown you. It must have been such a shock for you and your daughter and it’s your natural motherly instinct to feel protective over it. Whilst I think it’s right that SS are able to speak to children without parental consent in certain situations, I think you’re right to question why it was decided that they would do the same for your daughter. I think the only way to truly ease your mind would be to phone SS and discuss it with them directly; it’s possible that their reason was simply a precautionary measure and they will be able to reassure you that this is a standard approach in these kind of situations. It might also be helpful for you to feedback to them how shocking & upsetting it was for your daughter - maybe they’ll rethink their future approach in light of that, but if anything, it could be cathartic for you to get it off your chest.

I also wonder about support for you. I can only begin to imagine how traumatic the entire situation would be for a parent. Have you got supportive friends and family? Do you have a ‘safe space’ to talk? Have you thought about counselling?

You sound like a wonderful mum. X

I think op maybe you would benefit from some counselling to help you process what has happened too

Thank you so very much x

I really appreciate you saying this and I can't thank you enough..
I feel vulnerable and struggling as a single parent of a teenager..
It's so hard.. especially with everything she's been through.
I just wanted some reassurance from other mums on here.

Thankfully I met a lovely Education Welfare Officer at her school today who actually understood my challenges and has offered support..