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Original poster

Social Services meeting my child without my concent

88 replies

NadeFC · 11/03/2019 22:51

Hi
Social Services had a meeting with my daughter and other parties at her school this week and I knew nothing about it.
Is this acceptable?
Thank you

OP posts:

ILoveMaxiBondi · 12/03/2019 00:59

I’m amazed they did that OP. Did they just spring it on your DD at school?

Original poster

NadeFC · 12/03/2019 01:07

Thank you so much for your response.. it's exactly the advice I wanted from my question.
I haven't refused any contact or any meeting.. I'm more than happy to be open to them as I have nothing to hide.

I asked my question as I've had no contact witht from them apart from a few missed calls from a private number..

OP posts:

dreichuplands · 12/03/2019 01:09

It would be unusual to hold a multi agency meeting without the main carer having been told about it. Was this organized by social care or did school host it, or maybe CAMHS? If your dd is thought to be gillick/Fraser competent and the meeting was health led and she chose to have it without you then maybe that is the explanation.

Original poster

NadeFC · 12/03/2019 01:13

Jeez.. calm down.. I washing dishing anything out.. I was asking for support.. I'm a single mum of a teenager and facing some difficult challengers.
I'm certainly not rude.

OP posts:

dreichuplands · 12/03/2019 01:14

Have you been told what kind of meeting was held? A s47 investigation wouldn't usually take the form of a multi agency meeting. I would talk to the agencies involved.

YogaWannabe · 12/03/2019 01:16

Your poor DD
I’m really pleased they are taking an active role in her welfare, hope everything works out for her

LikeDolphinsCanSwim · 12/03/2019 01:17

Reply to the question.. don't question the question.. it's not construitive..

To be fair, this was pretty rude.

Original poster

NadeFC · 12/03/2019 01:20

How dare you whoever you are.
It was a person outside my family home.

OP posts:

Original poster

NadeFC · 12/03/2019 01:24

Hi.. it was organised by SS..
I'm just unhappy that I wasn't informed to attend.. my daughter was so distressed when I came home that afternoon from work..
Felt pressured and like she was back in court being cross examined..
I'm so upset

OP posts:

Justagirlwholovesaboy · 12/03/2019 01:25

@NadeFC I’m so sorry, your daughter has been through something awful, you probably feel you could have done something to prevent this. Social services are trying to help her. Let them

MummySparkle · 12/03/2019 01:28

Yes. Mine did. Because it's easier for them to talk to the child without consent than it would be to to demonstrate the need for talking to the child of you withheld consent.

Original poster

NadeFC · 12/03/2019 01:39

Why are most of you being negative toward me..
My daughter and I have been through an horrendous 2 plus years.
I was just asking for advice on a process and now feel ridiculed as a bad parent..
Sorry I asked for advice now

OP posts:

Justagirlwholovesaboy · 12/03/2019 01:46

@NadeFC this isn’t about you though is it it OP? This is about your daughter, and what is best for her. You can get annoyed and blame other posters, doesn’t help. Unfortunately your daughter needs help and you need to be willing to receive it

Original poster

NadeFC · 12/03/2019 01:53

Wrong.. it's about a family..

OP posts:

PyongyangKipperbang · 12/03/2019 01:57

I can see why they spoke to her without you there, on the basis that she may be able to speak more freely on her own.

But to not inform you, or her, that it was happening is not on. To have that sprung on her with no notice must have been incredibly upsetting for her and I would be demanding to know who decided that this was a good idea.

Original poster

NadeFC · 12/03/2019 01:58

She needs help.. For what?
My daughter is starting EMDR therapy this Friday..

OP posts:

Sparrowlegs248 · 12/03/2019 02:00

Ok it sounds like you and your family are still going through a rough time, and I understand your concern if your daughter was upset by the meeting with SS. However, you are coming across as being a bit abrasive, blunt in your replies and like you're not at so all willing to listen to anyone else's thoughts. If you are still very upset then I imagine that's the reason.

I hope your daughter gets the help she needs, it much be very difficult for you all.

Ellenborough · 12/03/2019 02:07

It seems odd that they would do this unless they suspected you’d withhold consent or coerce her / speak for her in any interview you were present at. I’ve no idea about the legality of it though. Personally I would have thought they’d have to get some sort of court order to interview a 13 yo without parental knowledge. But I’m guessing here.

Original poster

NadeFC · 12/03/2019 02:08

Thank you so much for understanding where I'm coming from.
I'm fine them talking to her alone as I've nothing to hide and if she has things to talk about without wanting me there, that's good too..
It was purely the surprise for her as she suffers from anxiety and needs to be aware of what's happening.
She was called from a lesson, put in a room with 3 adults questioning her..
She felt like she was back in court getting cross examined.. she was distraught when I got home from work..

OP posts:

dreichuplands · 12/03/2019 02:12

Are you in communication with social services?
It is quite difficult to get social care involved in your family so they must have quite high levels of concern.
Are the other agencies, including social care, aware of the therapy that is about to start?
It wouldn't be unusual for CAMHS to coordinate with social care and education if a young person was in severe distress. The more unusual part is not including a parental figure.
You are best placed to know if this was an unusual oversight or a deliberate decision made for specific reasons.
If it was an oversight then social care should apologize, if it is reasoned then work on building a relationship with social care.

Justagirlwholovesaboy · 12/03/2019 02:13

I stated this was about your daughter and your response was it was about family. Maybe this is why she needs to speak to someone alone. She needs to tell her opinions rather than family opinions. She needs to be able to tell her story without anyone emotion near

ClaireElizabethBeuchampFraser · 12/03/2019 02:13

I completely understand your anger OP, your dd has been through so much and has had another traumatic meeting foisted on her.

I say this gently, (as a means of explaining the reactions of other)your posts do come across as angry, as well as defensive which is only natural considering what you and your little girl have been through. I believe that is why you are receiving more negative responses.

Can you contact the school and tell them that you want to work with social services and the school as a team and that given the fragile state of your daughters mental health, you would like to be involved when social services are going to speak to her, even if it’s before hand so you can pre warn your dd? They definitely need to know the impact that meeting had on your dd, so that they can look at better supporting your dd in the future.

I am so sorry that your beautiful baby girl has been through what she has! Similar happened to my friends dd and her abuser walked away free. It made her dd physically unwell and destroyed her pre conceived ideas of justice. The justice system is letting down far too many children and victims of sexual abuse!

Original poster

NadeFC · 12/03/2019 02:15

I don't mean to be blunt or rude in my replies.. and I'm thankful for advice given..
Suppose I'm on the defence as the last 2 years have been about defending my daughter.

OP posts:

Snugglepumpkin · 12/03/2019 02:16

If you had missed calls from Social Services that is probably why you didn't know about it.
If they cannot contact you, they won't just go away as they still have had concerns raised which must be pretty serious if they feel the need to move ahead so promptly when you consider how overworked & understaffed they are.

Aridane · 12/03/2019 02:19

I hope the interview by SS without you there to support doesyset her back further

I cannot begin to imagine what you and DD are going through

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