Argh business speak

[StealthPolarBear]

"lenses" grrrrrr

People talking about working in silos irritates me hugely.
I don't like "take ownership of".
Or "put it to bed".

Gus Hedges' legacy lives on.....

I'm goinf to come up with a new one. Any suggestions? Socialise them on this thread and I'll talk to them in my next agile reach out session.

Kicking things into touch seems to have gone out of favour a bit now, thank goodness.
I do get aggrieved by people needing to be a "team player" though.
It's all balls, isn't it?

I suggest

'Carb up the aggregate'

Meaning 'Let's get a temp in to cover Carol's maternity'.

I will float it in the forest, see if it gets snagged by any branches

I haven’t worked in an office for a few years, but last time I did, everything was being turned into a “hub”. So instead of a group or a team working on a project, you were a hub.

And things were always needing to be impactful.

Glad I work at home now, where the only thing that’s impactful is the dog’s farts.

OP "I will float it in the forest, see if it gets snagged by any branches"

I love that!! Use it and report back when people take it seriously. It will be in use by your whole workplace by the end of the week, I reckon.

I had one boss that had a annoying habit of saying " That's just fine " i was never sure if he ment That's just about fine ie it could be better but it will do. Or that's Just fine, great stuff well done .
I never asked in case I didn't like the answer !

How about....

'the winner takes it all' or
'can you hear the drums' or
'and you must pay the price'...….

Oh, no wait they are Abba lyrics. Go on dare you...in your next meeting you have to get in three Abba lyrics. (Nb: Other challenges are available). I bet it's just as useful and as confusing whilst being pointless as all the management speak...and way more fun for you.

Ooh yes an you hear the drums (a combination of hearing rumours and the writing on the wall)
How about dancing queen, for a colleague who everyone loves and is very popular but a bit useless.

I hate the phrase 'piece' and I have to sit on my hands every time I hear it said. The only thing that piece should be used in conjunction with is cake gavel

I really hate end of play, as in this needs actioning by end of play today......I am not in the fucking school playground I am at work! It really annoys me!

Used to hate it - that's until I discovered the hilarious side:

I joined the corporate world as a graduate trainee. American firm with roughly a bazillion abbreviations, a decided affinity for buzz words of all sorts and the usual business speak. I didn't understand half of what people were saying at first. It was like learning a foreign language.

Then I ended up attending this one event on my own owing to circumstances and was allocated a seat next to these colleagues working for the same firm but in a different field. And that's where I learn3d about the joy of ...

BULLSHIT BINGO!

I've been happily advocating for the practice ever since and, after being promoted to executive, have been purposefully indulging players.

"Lean in" is what I'm hearing most at the moment.

'Breakout area' for the small corner of the office with a kettle and microwave.
'Managers huddle' when arranging meetings about meetings.
Another vote here for 'Granular' and 'piece'. Everything's an 'education piece' where I work.

“Drilling down one more click on services, we actually think of multiple swim lanes of opportunity around business.”

That one stuck in my head from an article with lots of fantastic jargon examples in the FT a while back ... struggling to do a proper clickable link on my phone, hope this works:

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.ft.com/content/cec8d2ca-66e9-11e7-9a66-93fb352ba1fe

You must all work in my office

Let's look at that through a different lens
Socialise the document
Levers
Mechanisms
Reach out
Touch base
Across the piece
Soft sign off (pretend to approve something, then renege on it later)
Boil the ocean
Talk to a paper

"Daily stand up" - team meeting where everyone tries to list all the work they currently have on so no one realises they have nothing to do

"Doing a deep dive" was the rage where I work a couple of years back.

Daily stand up" - team meeting where everyone tries to list all the work they currently have on so no one realises they have nothing to do

That was the 'huddle' where I used to work.

Daily Huddle. To talk about the work we have and how we're going to do it. Ten of us saying our job title and then describing our workload.

Followed by managers coming around and constantly interrupting you working to update them on how your work is going.

Will you achieve your targets today? How can I help you to do this? What could stop you achieving?

On the days when there were all day management meetings (cue: expensive lunches brought in so they didn't have to break off the meeting and lose the flow) the while office performed at a far more consistent rate and achieved their workload.

Odd that.

So glad that I'm out of that.

OP Have you tried this yet
I will float it in the forest, see if it gets snagged by any branches
has it snagged on ?

or how about ' roll it down the hill and see if it bounces / see which way it turns ' or in normal speak take it for a test run , ask the customers if they like the product / idea

I haven't :) in at a big important meeting tomorrow so there's potential there, not sure if I'm brave enough.
How would boil the ocean be used? Is it suggesting something is too much - "we're not trying to boil the ocean, just warm a rock pool"?

I don't mind the lens but I think of it as essay-speak.

In my place everythings is "a piece of work" that "lands". And much talk of our "offer". I've just tensed up writing that.