Aren't people weird when it comes to presents?

[Bedsidedrawer]

I had a special birthday recently. It struck me that some people can buy thoughtful gifts and others either don't give a toss or don't have a clue.
I get that I'm a grown up and most birthdays I don't bother or notice but this time I did.
I actually find it interesting, the psychology of it. For example I bought one person in my life a special piece of jewellery and extras for a special birthday. They handed me something for significantly less money (they are not short of money) which is obviously poor quality and a bit naff. I'm genuinely perplexed how people aren't embarrassed. More the lack of thought than anything.
Perhaps I'll get flamed for being an ungrateful cow but I'm not sobbing into my pillow. I'm genuinely grateful for the nice gifts and the good people in my life. I'm more curious rather than hurt. I genuinely don't understand why some people are like this with gifts.
Would make a good essay topic

Perhaps they don't know what you might like or can't be arsed to think about it.
Maybe they don't want to spend so much on you? Gift giving can turn into crazy money.

We had an aunt who gave us the weirdest gifts, I did keep them on show for her visits, she was a sweetie otherwise.

Agree.

In my opinion gifts are about the recipient not the giver but too frequently it seems to be the other way around in my experience.

I agree with your point as far as effort and thoughtfulness goes, and it's clear some people don't think about it until the last minute and probably just buy something in a panic.

However, your posts reads as though you are quite materialistic, given the emphasis you have put on how much the gift was worth. The best gifts I've been given have been made (photo albums of memories) or an activity/event for me and that person to enjoy together.

With 5 days to go til my big '0' birthday I'm excited to see any gifts my kind and lovely friends may buy me!

I think it's nice if someone makes the effort to give something thoughtful, but you rarely know the exact details of people's finances so it would be crass and entitled to expect gifts of a certain value.

My cousin who we are close to bought my daughter a clearly labeled and obvious tiny size, toddler beanie hat for her 16th birthday.

Strange enough but at the time my daughter had a massive head of dreadlocks.

Very odd.

I remember scouring the shops one Christmas with a prem baby, looking for a specific cardigan for mil. Def wasn't cheap - or nice come to that!!
I got a necklace that cost £2.75!!
The prem baby got nowt.

I absolute hate buying presents for other people. I don’t have much chance to browse shops with having a toddler and working so often end up having to try and think of something last minute.

Once I’ve chosen I get very anxious about whether the person will like it, what they will be thinking about me for choosing it etc.

I think people give how they would like to receive. Perhaps this person would rather buy things for themselves and don't enjoy surprises.

It works out worse when you're the over-gifter sadly.

My mother used to buy the most awful gifts; I just started telling her not bother as birthdays really aren't such a big deal anymore. She still kept asking, so I agreed she could give me money.

YANBU. This is why I usually just give people money, of course, then I got on MN and found out I wasn't giving enough (even if it was all I could afford) and therefore 'cheap' and 'tight' and not 'covering my plate' so now I don't know wtf to do but I'll never give a photo frame because honestly who likes those?

Families have different present buying standards. My parents & siblings buy things that are useful - garden tools, gloves, kitchen kit etc to tie in with people’s hobbies. None of them would dream of buying flowers, perfume, tickets to a show. they only buy for family, not friends & no more than £50
My ex’s family don’t really bother with Xmas and go for less expensive throw-away fun things for birthdays.

Give over, OhMrTumnus. The OP quite clearly said " I'm genuinely grateful for the nice gifts and the good people in my life. I'm more curious rather than hurt".

Why be mean?

I don't want people to spend time and effort choosing gifts for me. In fact I don't ever want gifts. So
If someone was kind and thoughtful
they would just get me a drink or something very small -
Preferably I don't want any gifts.

If people spend lots of time and effort on a present for me then they are making me feel obliged to do the same for them. It's annoying.

Non of my close friends buy gifts for each other and we all think it's great.

I have no need or desire for gifts - I have plenty 'stuff'!. Seriously give money to an animal charity and I will be happy!

I agree, I think with DH and family presents to have to buy all my friends presents too is too much.

Sometimes it is a hint to be honest. They are trying to get you to tone down your spending so they don’t have to go to that effort. You sound very kind and generous but quite often friends don’t want to get in to a cycle of having to buy expensive thoughtful gifts every year.

My in laws.

I have a December birthday. Every year I receive a scarf from each of my husband's parents, grandparents and aunt for one of birhtday or Christmas.

In fact, his aunt buys us the same things every year. A scarf, a hoody and some cushions.

It's the mindlessness of it that gets to me. That over the course of the years I have received 15+ scarves. That maybe, just maybe, a different kind of present would be nice. That maybe nobody needs 3 new scarves annually. That maybe one year I'd like to choose my own scarf, but don't feel like I can, because I am already, by their efforts, the top global consumer of scarves.

I've been bought many "thoughtful and perfect" gifts over the years. That is, in the eye of the giver. I've hated quite a lot of them, so maybe they are not as thoughtful and perfect as the giver thought?

Now I ask for people to give me nothing or a token gift from (suggestion of items I will like and appreciate). Many people still refuse to believe this is what I really want and buy me something "thoughtful and perfect" that I hate.

I agree with the person up thread who said that gifts are meant to be about the recipient and not the giver but too often it's the other way round.

Certain in laws of mine do this! They will request certain gifts, but will buy you "surprises in return"

One Christmas she requested a White Company dressing gown for herself and a Barbour shirt for her husband. She bought DH a Ralph Lauren wallet and I got 3 shower gels from the Avon!

I have given up hoping to receive ‘nice’ gifts because in my experience, people often buy things quickly wo making a massive effort.
And it’s also easy to get things wrong. I’ve done it myself a few times.

Nowdays, i much prefer the little things that are given outside any special occasion but chosen because ‘clearly Mad would love that’ rather than because it’s xx birthday (or Christmas....).

My MIL used to get me a pile of shite from charity shops (nothing wrong with charity shops but it was the lack of thought that upset me - I remember getting size 8 slippers despite not wearing slippers and being a size 5 one year, etc). Another one of the many benefits of ditching her cheating fuckwit son....

@MsSquiz, MIL used to be an Avon lady. Once there was an offer in the catalogue that if you spent a certain amount on shower/bath products, you got a free dressing gown.
Guess what I got for my birthday? It wouldn't have been so bad if it wasn't a size L-XL. I'm a 6-8

but quite often friends don’t want to get in to a cycle of having to buy expensive thoughtful gifts every year.
Thoughtful doesn’t have to mean expensive though.....

My friend was going on and on about what a lovely gift she had got me at Christmas. She also mentioned she was waiting for it to arrive via courier. I was worried about how much she had spent so I went out and spent more than I would have on her. Fast forward to Christmas day and I open my gift of a smelly jacket from the charity shop- said label attached. I still am bewildered- and I feel cheated.