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Original poster

I really want a C section and I feel I’m being dismissed

46 replies

Shookethtothecore · 10/03/2019 17:35

Hello,
I’m unexpectedly pg with dc3. I have an iginual hernia that I was due to be operated on and already at 16 weeks one forming on the other side of my groin. I really struggle to push to go to the toilet of break wind (sorry tmi)
I saw a consultant in the hospital I went to for my scan and instantly before I even st down she said a c section was unnecessary and I could give birth naturally.
The problem is I’m terrified of it already, I’ve had 2 children before on gas and air so it’s not like I don’t know what I’m doing here, it’s just I feel like I know this time it’s goinf to be a problem and I know I just can’t do it. I realise what she’s saying medically that it’s possible, I just don’t have it in me. How can I get them to listen to me. I feel afraid and I just tear up when I think about having to go through it again.
I know a c section will be painful it’s not that I expect it so be pain free, it’s just I really yink if they make me have a vaginal birth this time something is going to go wrong because I just won’t cope with it again

OP posts:
Creas35 · 10/03/2019 17:37

You have a choice to do whatever you feel is right so speak to your midwife and tell her you are having a c section and she will arrange the consultant. It’s not there business if you can or not, it’s your choice.

Original poster
Shookethtothecore · 10/03/2019 17:40

That’s what I did the first time and the consultant just outright dismissed it. How do I get her to listen? I don’t want to be rude but what do I say? I’m sorry that’s not working for me I want a c section?! She just seemed so well rehearsed in batting off what I was saying and telling me a vaginal birth would be better

OP posts:
SinkGirl · 10/03/2019 17:43

I’ve been there - I had tokophobia and a twin pregnancy and the consultants i saw were so dismissive.

Get info from birthrights and the nice guidelines and (I hate to say it) take your partner with you and get them to insist - that’s how I got a date in the end. Ask your midwife if they have a birth choices clinic in your area. They may make you jump through some hoops but they shouldn’t refuse - technically they can but doing so for no reason isn’t on, and they should refer you to someone else who will do it.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3rd trimester Antenatal & postnatal Childbirth Families
Original poster
Shookethtothecore · 10/03/2019 17:50

Oh my goodness even on twins they were dismissive!! 🙈

OP posts:
SinkGirl · 10/03/2019 17:55

Oh yes - they said that it’s normal to be anxious, pregnancy is an anxious time (with a patronising head tilt) but they wouldn’t even discuss it until my DH insisted (I was 32 weeks by then - got a date that day, but ended up having an EMCS at 35+1)

3boysandabump · 10/03/2019 17:56

They can't refuse you a section. If you're getting nowhere with one doctor ask to see another.

Original poster
Shookethtothecore · 10/03/2019 17:59

Yes I got the patronising chat aswell. She was lovely but explained to me how a baby came out. I said to her this is my third child I fully understand and I’ve done it before but I’m telling you this time it’s different and she just “mmmmm” ed me and carried on talking about how my hernias won’t impact at all because the pregnancy is what is going to make them worse not the labour so by that point I may aswell go through it all Hmm

OP posts:
Jackshouse · 10/03/2019 18:02

Look up and print out the NICE guidelines that tell you it’s your choice. At your next appointment show them the guidelines and say you will be having a c section. Tell them you know all the risks of a c section (look them up) but you still want a c section.

Original poster
Shookethtothecore · 10/03/2019 18:04

Thank you. I will do that, my husband actually works in law and can be very forceful in negotiating but I wanted it to be with as little animosity or stress as possible so wanted to have a respectful conversation about it with the consultant and feel like I was actually being listened to irrespective of her thinking I should have one, just listened to would be a start! I guess it’s not happening then and I’m going to have to go into this a bit more bolshy

OP posts:
MynameisJune · 10/03/2019 18:09

NICE guidelines are only that, guidelines and lots of trusts are no longer following them for elective sections. That’s not to say don’t try, but they are not obliged to give you a section so be aware you may end up out of area at a hospital further away to get what you want.

It’s shit and I’m not saying it’s right, but just be aware that even with NICE guidelines they can still reject your request.

Prequelle · 10/03/2019 18:12

Birthrights are brilliant for this, I've got so much info from them.

I would straight up say to her, if she isn't willing to facilitate your request then you want a referral to a consultant who will allow you to exercise your rights to maternal birth choice as recommended by the NICE. I would take your husband to all apps regarding this so you have a united front, strength in numbers

Kittykat93 · 10/03/2019 18:44

I had a bit of a traumatic birth and recovery from having my son, and I worry about birth the second time around if I'm lucky enough to have another one day.

It frightens me that I might be refused a section.

Palominoo · 10/03/2019 19:05

I am aghast that a c section can be demanded.

I never knew that.

But with the Op, I do agree that her wishes should be considered as she does have a medical problem.

I disagree that anyone who doesn't have a medical problem should be allowed one.

mynameiscalypso · 10/03/2019 19:09

Why shouldn't they @Palominoo? Not trying to be goady but genuinely interested about why women shouldn't be able to have autonomy over how they give birth? I admit to be slightly biased as I've been agreed an elective c section in principle already (16 weeks).

Bumpitybumper · 10/03/2019 19:12

@Palominoo
As there is no definitive evidence that vaginal births are safer or indeed cheaper in the long term I would love to hear why you are so shocked or think they should be restricted?

troubleswillbeoutofsight · 10/03/2019 19:13

They can't refuse you a section I'm pretty sure any consultant can refuse what he/ she considers unnecessary surgery

Tolleshunt · 10/03/2019 19:13

What on earth does it have to do with you whether any other woman has a c section Palominoo?

OP, insist that you want a c section. Make sure you are aware of the risks (and also the risks of VB, which are usually glossed over by HVCPs) and just insist. Ask outright: 'are you refusing me a c section?'. If she says yes, insist on being referred to a consultant with more modern views.

Flower777 · 10/03/2019 19:14

If you can’t push to Pass wind then how on earth could you push a baby out.

I feel really sorry for you and understand your fear. You are getting some great advice here so I will just suggest that you find someone to advocate for you and wish you all the best.

Flower777 · 10/03/2019 19:15

Also, a planned c section can have minimal pain. My second one was planned and was very calm and straight forward. I had pain relief afterwards as needed.

PrawnOfCreation · 10/03/2019 19:17

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mynameiscalypso · 10/03/2019 19:19

How is it unnecessary surgery @troubleswillbeoutofsight? If there's a baby in there, it has to come out and if a woman doesn't want a vaginal birth (for whatever reason - including no reason at all), there aren't any other options.

troubleswillbeoutofsight · 10/03/2019 19:41

How is it unnecessary surgery
I'm neither saying it is or it isn't as I'm not medically trained to do so. However the consultant is and it's their call.
I made the statement in response to someone saying They can't refuse you a section
I don't think we have 'rights' to demand surgery that a consultant does not think necessary for the safety of a mother or baby

PiebaldHamster · 10/03/2019 19:46

Really hope you get your CS

Tolleshunt · 10/03/2019 20:04

You don't think women have a right to autonomy over their own body, troubles?

Original poster
Shookethtothecore · 10/03/2019 20:22

Thank you everyone. I asked about the passing wind and going to the toilet and she said well the baby comes out from the womb not the bowel so it will be fine. I said that I realised that but it is the motion of pushing that oops the hernia out to the point of it being too painful for me to continue, so surly it will have an effect. I also vividly remember on my first birth being told to push like I’m doing a big poo in my bum area by the midwife so that’s what left me confused.
I am going to do lots of research and keep a little file so I can be factually informed and feel like I could argue my case, i was absolutely caught off guard on our first meeting. You have all given me hope. Thank you.
And as for body autonomy, I cannot describe to you the feeling of no control I had on my first birth, it was scary, I was very disrespected and things happened to me I specifically asked no to and wasn’t even explained what was happening to me. It was aweful, but not a difficult birth by anyone’s standard. It still caused me a huge amount of distress and I remember thinking after that although I was very greatful everyone got through it safely, it was one of the worst and most degrading experiences of my life

OP posts: