I really want a C section and I feel I’m being dismissed

[Shookethtothecore]

Hello,
I’m unexpectedly pg with dc3. I have an iginual hernia that I was due to be operated on and already at 16 weeks one forming on the other side of my groin. I really struggle to push to go to the toilet of break wind (sorry tmi)
I saw a consultant in the hospital I went to for my scan and instantly before I even st down she said a c section was unnecessary and I could give birth naturally.
The problem is I’m terrified of it already, I’ve had 2 children before on gas and air so it’s not like I don’t know what I’m doing here, it’s just I feel like I know this time it’s goinf to be a problem and I know I just can’t do it. I realise what she’s saying medically that it’s possible, I just don’t have it in me. How can I get them to listen to me. I feel afraid and I just tear up when I think about having to go through it again.
I know a c section will be painful it’s not that I expect it so be pain free, it’s just I really yink if they make me have a vaginal birth this time something is going to go wrong because I just won’t cope with it again

You have to be quite blunt sometimes and say "I feel that you are patronising me, and I'm asking you to please stop it. I am serious about my request, and I would like you to stop being so dismissive of my wishes. If you are unable to then could you please refer me to another consultant who is willing to listen to their patient."

We deserve choices and to at least have our opinions and fears discussed

Oh poor you, OP - sounds really painful. I’m not a medical expert but based on what you’ve said I fail to see how pushing a baby out could do anything other than massively aggravate your hernia. Even if it didn’t cause permanent damage it sounds as if it would be horribly painful for you.

Sadly, I think a lot of childbirth professionals dismiss c-section requests almost by default. As others have said - even if you had no medical need for a c-section (and to me it sounds like you do) - the NICE guidelines support your right to choose. Be polite but firm with the midwives / doctors. You may well need to stand your ground but it’s your ground to stand and your body that’s affected. All the best

What’s a “medical reason”?

Panic attacks so bad that you can’t breathe, can’t eat or sleep? Trauma from sexual abuse? What’s a “good enough reason”?

Have you discussed your previous birth with your midwife? You were assaulted and it sounds horrific One of the reasons that I want a c section is because I'm concerned about the lack of bodily autonomy. A vaginal birth might be fine but I am concerned about the impact of birth trauma on my ability to bond / look after a baby. My midwife was totally on board with that. Have you had any professional help/counselling? It might also help (and in my case, my mental health team have strongly supported my request for a c section). I absolutely think you should have a c section if that's what you want; you might have to have the same conversation with several people but you have such strong grounds for it.

I have never discussed it with my anyone. My second child was born in the area we live in now so a compleatly different trust, that child was born in a birthing center and it was a much better experience but I still locked myself in the toilet cubicle and had. Panic attack before and they had to coax me out. I feel worried about talking about the first one as I did it again on my second, but I went weird with my second, very structured and rigid and “in control” of him and wouldn’t let anyone hold him (even my husband I hated holding him” and I honestly think it was me trying to gain some control over something as it brought things all back up. This is another reason I feel a c section will be better for me this time, I really feel like I need it to be as calm as possible. I will speak to my midwife, I’m worried about her thinking I’m silly and being dramatic or moaning, but I guess I have to a bit or it will just happen again and I really think that this time there is a medical reason not just an emotional reason for more intervention.

I don't think you're being silly or dramatic at all and I'm sure the midwife won't either. Wishing you all the very best

Well be respectful and get batted away if your main worry is being what you would call respectful!
The consultant wasn't respectful too you.

I think you need husband there.

By the way I had section for largely emotional reasons because I had enlightened consultant...

That’s very true. She wasn’t respectful to me at all. I need to do my research and be informed of my rights and see her again. If it gets no further then I will send my husband in

Sounds to me like it's a good idea to find a sympathetic midwife and have a full talk through of your thinking to try to disentangle the medical and the emotional, that way it will be easier to ask for what you want.

I think you should be able to opt for a c-section but if it's for emotional reasons, the process can be disempowering too unfortunately - especially if you're stuck in bed in a postnatal ward for a bit having to call for help whenever your baby wakes.

Not being cynical but they have targets for getting c-section rates down, so they're incentivised a bit to push back when women request them. Stand your ground and they'll probably rapidly agree, it doesn't have to be a massive conflict just showing you mean what you say.

You poor thing. So many women have bad birth experiences. it's really frightening.

I wanted a C-section with my first (I even went to church every week to actually pray for one!) but my consultant was head-tilty and patronising. Luckily I ended up being 3 weeks overdue and they discovered a medical reason, so I ended up having my c-section.

With my second, I was terrified they'd make me do VBAC so I looked it up and discovered you can insist on a c-section on mental-health grounds, even if that just translates as "I'm too scared to have a vaginal birth." I had a lovely consultant that time tough, and she booked me straight in.

Good luck. Definitely take your assertive, legally trained DH with you to as many appointments as possible. And consider counselling for PTSD after that first birth.

I think it's worth saying (although I realise that nobody has explicitly said the reverse) that emotional/mental health reasons for wanting a c section are just as valid as physical health reasons - I realise not all midwives/consultants share this view though.

Ehlana puts it brilliantly. I'd take your h with your to your next midwife appointment and request another consultant. The one you saw sounds like a condescending cow, tbh.

You don't have to see her again you can ask to see different mw.

At my hospital it was literally pot luck..in waiting room it was two consultant one known to be bitch the other amazing.

I had googled extensively and knew if I got bad one I would have said my piece then asked for another one

I mean different consultant

Staggers me with all other movements women have made,we are still allowing ourselves to be dictated too on how we give birth...

Nothing to add, just wanted to show my support. I'm sick and tired of women not being listened to in antenatal and postnatal healthcare.

You should be listened to and they should care about how you're feeling, and choices you are making!

In my experience it was midwives who fully understood what I wanted and why, so I would definitely talk to yours. Mine even offered to come to consultant appointments with me. You don’t need to wait for your next appointment, you can call them and ask to seen them sooner.

Imagine if men gave birth. C sections would be the norm and childbirth would be considered archaic and barbaric

@prequelle I said that to my sister. If men had to give birth a gaurentee you it would be different. It sucks it really does