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Original poster

what to say when? quick combacks needed

37 replies

Custardo · 09/03/2019 11:06

quite rudely i thought, the first words said when a colleague walked into the room was "oh custy! you look unhappy" (i wasn't) at my quizzical and confused look it continued ..."turn that from upside down and all that".

it was said definatley to put me to the back foot in front of very senior colleagues who then think i am unhappy about the issue we were discussing. i find it hard to think on my feet espescially when something is intended to be mean spirited. what should i have said?

OP posts:
dudsville · 09/03/2019 11:09

"wow, you're exceptionally bad at reading people, who knew?!"

PuppyMonkey · 09/03/2019 11:11

“chill out, It’s just me mardy resting face duck. What’s your excuse?”

Palominoo · 09/03/2019 11:14

I was fine before you walked in the room.

Original poster
Custardo · 09/03/2019 11:15

in the pub - i could be more blunt - but i really need something that would be awome in a professional setting

(tbh in a pub i' tell them to fuckoff)

OP posts:
Original poster
Custardo · 09/03/2019 11:16

...and not make me look like a bitch

OP posts:
UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 09/03/2019 11:18

Appear as cool as a cucumber and smile.
I'm fine, thank you for asking, how are you?
There are plenty of comebacks but in a professional setting you want to appear the better person.

Yayswimming · 09/03/2019 11:19

'I look like this when I'm concentrating- don't worry so much, I don't need to smile constantly to reassure you do I?' (Smile when saying this). Hopefully this will put it back on them and show them up as projecting. I agree they were rude and publicly drawing attention to you.

TowelNumber42 · 09/03/2019 11:23

Oh, you can use my standard go to phrase in such situations (although it might out me as I use it a lot).

What an odd thing to say

Said with neutral, slightly quizzical, facial expression.

I have trained myself to use this as the default words, my knee jerk reaction to any and all random shit. It works brilliantly to give pause which is what I always need. It puts it back on the other person to explain, does not leave you looking like a tit if it turns out they were actually being sensible or distressed, it makes winder uppers have to back track or escalate thus exposing their nonsense.

Works a treat with teenagers, crazy people on the street, husbands, colleagues, all of them.

LaMarschallin · 09/03/2019 11:31

@TowelNumber42
My compliments. It's brilliant and I'm going to shamelessly plagiarise it.
Only wish I'd had it handy for the bitchiest comment I've ever received.
Hah! Next time, though... Wink

Original poster
Custardo · 09/03/2019 11:41

Towers - thats it , thank you.

i once read on here for bitchy comments you should always say " did you really mean to say that?" which i do use - but wasn't appropriate in this situation.

thank you everyone - i will take some others and use then in myy personal life for sure!

OP posts:
Overseasmom100 · 09/03/2019 11:43

I would say...
"Im absolutely fine thank you...in fact life couldnt be better. How are you doing?"

Alienspaceship · 09/03/2019 11:43

I’m fine thank you. I know there is an expectation for women to smile, but I’m all for equality.

PurpleDaisies · 09/03/2019 11:46

I’d say “that’s a brave comment. You never really know what’s going on in people’s life’s and that could really hurt someone already struggling.”

KarineAimee · 09/03/2019 11:50

In work, I think I’d go with, “haha, no I mine, it’s my thinking face, was just thinking about [whatever senior person present thinks is a priority]”

In the pub, same as you!

KarineAimee · 09/03/2019 11:51

*I’m fine

TowelNumber42 · 09/03/2019 11:51

An air of slight confusion along with silence on your part helps too. Your inner Tony Soprano would not quip. Be comfortable with the quiet. Say nothing, just look at them neutrally, wait, always wait, embrace the silence.

It helps that my facial expression are almost identical for I am totally in control of this situation and for I have no fucking clue whatsoever what is going on

My best ex-boss said it was years before he realised and then found it absolutely hilarious as he mentally re-ran many difficult meetings we'd run and realised I was confused as fuck for large parts.Grin

MayFayner · 09/03/2019 12:00

Just “What do you mean?” (with genuine curiosity, not angrily) works quite well in lots of situations.

Original poster
Custardo · 09/03/2019 12:06

Towel - ditto

i'm the same as you - i have a genuine Resting bitch face - it works to my advantage most of the time.

I also adore the power of silence - i have used this as a tool for many years. but it wouldn't have worked in this sutuation.

OP posts:
DuchessOfPhysics · 09/03/2019 12:07

I like the comment 'you're not great at reading people!'' in the situation described above. It's so hard to come out completely unscathed though. The 'mud' either sticks (a bit) or you look super spiky if you don't let it go.

I have a colleague who also comes out with these comments that leave me looking for some come back that dissuades her from these little grenades, but without leaving me look too defensive or bitchy. It's hard.

My colleague says ''oh are you having one of those days again, poor you'' . That remark is made endlessly! If my stapler runs out of staples. It makes me look like I'm really struggling and she's on top of things! That's HER perception anyway and I think she's feeding the office that narrative! If I react too forcefully to say that ''no, I'm not having a one of those days'' I'll look touchy and sensitive.

Waytooearly · 09/03/2019 12:08

I quite like the above suggestion of just being pleasantly silent and letting the other person's awkward comment hang in the air.

Honest my instinct is always to diffuse with humour, like in that situation I would start laughing and say, 'You caught me squinting, I need glasses. Anyway I'm happier now you're here, blah blah.' Maybe I need more gravitas.

DuchessOfPhysics · 09/03/2019 12:12

Is it just me or does ''did you really mean to say that?'' or ''that's an odd thing to say'' seem more confrontational that the original cheeky comment! This shouldn't be the case! BUT, at a meeting, person A makes a cheeky remark with a big grin and unless you can instantly come back with a a cheeky grinned riposte, you seem like The Aggressor, for having called them out on it in public. NO MATTER HOW much they deserved it. Maybe I have a low bar but I cannot imagine saying ''did you mean to say that?'' after a ''laughing'' put down and emerging as the more dignified of the two.

It is very hard to channel absolute insouciance after you've just had a grenade lobbed at you in front of an audience.

Waytooearly · 09/03/2019 12:14

Ooh Duchess, what a weirdo.

Next time say something like, 'I'm actually having a great day. [maybe insert something specific if appropriate e.g., got my reports done ahead of schedule] What about your day, everything okay?'

Original poster
Custardo · 09/03/2019 12:15

yeah you might be right...gah!

OP posts:
Oblomov19 · 09/03/2019 12:20

I too agree that it's very hard to find the right response to this, without coming across badly.

S1naidSucks · 09/03/2019 12:22

I would go with either ‘what an odd thing to say’ or ‘it can be difficult to read people’s expressions, can’t it?’ With a smile. The second isn’t as confrontational and you’re kinda sympathising with the wanker, as far as onlookers would be concerned.

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