Need to start using a walking stick. Feel very sad about it.

[MayorMumbum]

To cut a very long story short, I'm in my mid thirties. I spent most of my childhood in and out of hospitals having major orthopaedic surgeries (25 of them) for some congenital leg issues. I had my last surgery at 19.

I always knew my joints had a shorter shelf life than most people and the Dr's expected me to start needing replacements etc in my forties. However in the last couple of months my hip and knee are both in quite a lot of pain and my limp is a lot worse than normal as a result. I am waiting for referrals etc but in the meantime the GP has suggested I start to use a walking aid, a walking stick or crutch, most of the time.

Now I know I'm being ridiculous but I am really, really upset by this. I know I need it and that it would help, but I feel that by doing it I will finally be "accepting" I am now disabled and that I won't get any better and it's now just going to get worse. I am worried my DH won't find me as attractive and I'm worried it will embarrass my DC's and that they will get picked on at school (also worried about stares on the school run, I already find it very stressful).

I suppose I just need to vent and get some support on how to fully accept this is the new normal and how to get brave enough to start using a walking stick out and about - the school run etc. And what if sometimes I have a good day and don't need one, will people think I'm faking it the rest of the time?

I'm just feeling really sad about this situation even though I know there are a huge amount of people worse off than me and I am eternally grateful to the NHS for even getting my legs working for as long as they have. I'm just having trouble accepting the situation .

Oh OP I'm sorry to hear this I understand it's such a big step to take to start using one. Almost like there is no turning back.

Incidentally, I saw that Selma Blair has been totally rocking the walking stick 'look' lately. She has a really cool one and is really open about her need for one and what she goes through. She poses for a lot of photos with it and I think it's quite awe inspiring really.

I had to start using a stick quite a few years ago, although a lot older than you. I got a 'hiking pole' as opposed to a walking stick and felt a lot better with it.

My mum has used a stick for most of her adult life due to hip and back problems, I have never been ashamed of her or her disability and it makes me quite proud that she doesn't care what anyone was to think BUT I don't think anyone will 'think' anything of you using an aid some nosey buggers may ask why... but thats what the stick is really for ... to smack them round the head 😂😂😂

There is a mum at the school who uses one sometimes and then sometimes walks fine without it. Nobody blinks an eye!

There's a whole troup of nordic pole walkers come down our lane regularly. Ok some look in their 90s, but there's a trendy pair who cannot be a day over 40 towards the back, I like looking out for them as I'm invariably at the kitchen window doing something when they pass. They were the latest colour co-ordinating walking gear, the sort you see advertised in the Sunday papers, all matchy matchy and very smart, last week when they were along it was sunny and they were in short sleeves, one of them had fabulous leggings in a purply blue pattern with coordinating purple short sleeved top.
I just did a quick search and think it may have been these, awesome price:
www.decathlon.co.uk/leggings-fh-500-legging-w-id_8519296.html
thought that particular lady must spend a fortune on 'gear' as she always looks so smart.

No reason you cannot look equally trendy with a stick.

Unfortunately I am not as glamorous as Selma Blair .

I think it's just because I know that when I start using one it will free me of so much pain that I'll never stop, and then it's forever and I'm not even 35 yet .

I started using one at 45, my youngest DS was 6. I debuted it at DS’s birthday party in a theme park. Honestly all the little kids just asked, “Why do you have a stick Tink?” I said, “Because it helps me walk further and I think we’ll do a lot of walking today.” They all agreed I was being very sensible and nothing more was ever said.

DD once had a boyfriend gently ask her if I’d been in a crash or something. She was quite confused and asked me why on earth he would ask that. I said it was probably after seeing me limping about the house. She said, “Oh yeah! I honestly never think about it.”

I’m trying to say, it will just be normal for your kids, and I bet your DH won’t be bothered: he must know you have dodgy joints already. Be brave and go for it and you’ll soon reap the benefits of less pain and more energy.

(If it helps, imagine your stick as a secret dickhead detector and see how many it helps you identify once you have it with you, probably less than you would imagine).

I dont know your medical history but if they can replace your knee and hip you should not need the walking aid for ever.

It must be so hard though but think less pain it must be worth it

I totally get why it feels like a psychological watershed for you, but there's no shame if it's going to make you more comfortable and mobile.

There are some really pretty/funky walking sticks now. Or alternatively my dad has found a gorgeous vintage stick that's beautiful wood and really well made. You can totally rock it!

I do sympathise - it must be a big 'leap'. If it makes you feel any better - you wouldn't find this any easier if you were forty or fifty years older. A previously fit and active relative of mine left hospital with a walking stick after a stroke in her mid seventies. It took all our effort to get her out to step out of the house - because she was afraid the neighbours would laugh at her! And of course anyone who noticed was just relieved and delighted that she was still with us and still able to enjoy life.

But back to you - I wonder if a crutch might be less mentally dislocating? (As more likely to be interpreted as temporary.)

Also, it may be that you're projecting the mores of a different era of childhood into the current generation. I have the impression they would not want to be seen making fun of disability. Hope I'm right.

In the end - just think how much easier your life will be. Isn't that worth the temporary trauma?

I’m 30..and occasionally I need to use a wheelchair and a mobility scooter.

I am also seriously considering a walking stick.

I have osteopenia and I can only walk around 30 minutes pain free at a time. Sometimes I don’t manage 30 mins

I was diagnosed at 30 with a degenerative muscle wasting disease and told at the time that I would eventually need to live in a bungalow and use a stick. In my head, I imagined it would be when I was in my 50s but in fact, I was 35 when I started using the stick sporadically. It was really hard to come to terms with.

I bought a really funky one (Switch Sticks have a good range and they fold down to put in my bag if I don't need it). My uncle also gave me an antique one that belonged to my grandfather that I use for special occasions.

The kids' friends sometimes ask why I have one and I usually just say that I need with walking and they seem happy with that explanation.

There are advantages - people tend to offer seats, open doors and generally be kinder when they see the stick.

HTH

Ah it is a bummer isn't it ? I took me 4 years to accept I would benefit from using a wheelchair for distance FOUR years i wasted having to find a seat or be like a snail when we w ere out . It will be fine your stick will enable you to get about safely and have support, pride is a bugger though

I'm sorry if I've upset anyone on this thread with issues more serious than mine! I was in a wheelchair for a few years when I was younger so I do appreciate its not the end of the world. Just having trouble getting accepting it.
They may replace my one hip but with my other leg it's next to useless so this would be the start of a permanent change, not a temporary thing until the issue is "fixed". I'll never get there, unfortunately.

I know how you feel. I have a chronic illness and I was given a walking stick about 5 years ago but refused to use it for ages, I wasn't even 30 yet. I have since bought a folding walking stick, I carry it in a backpack and now get it out once it is absolutely necessary. It sucks but I haven't noticed much staring, one of the mums asked me about it at school pick up I just said my condition is chronic and I use it if I need to.

I had to start using a crutch at 33, then an injury at 35 meant I needed 2. I am disabled and my condition is progressive. I wore myself in to the ground, and was not coping with the physical exertion. At 36 I had to chose between remaining at work full time but in a wheelchair, go part time with crutches or give up work and recover a little mobility that I had lost due to exhaustion rather than illness. I chose the wheelchair. It gave me so much more energy that I could refocus in my family and my own health, I was able to reduce pain meds a little and reduce the side effects, regaining a piece of myself in the process. It wasn't easy. I've been bullied and discriminated against. But I'm happy with my choice.

I get where you are coming from. Having a long term chronic condition is always going to involve compromises. Choose the outcomes you want, your route to getting there will become clearer and you will feel more confident choosing it.

I should say that I don't use my wheelchair all the time. I walk when I can. I rest when I can. When I can't walk, but can't rest either, I use my wheelchair.

I had a stick from the age of 21 to 26 until fusion surgery, I took it clubbing, pubs etc. I’m now 31. You can get some really nice ones online!

once you use a stick you will realise how many more people actually use one buy a smart funky one and if all else fails if people look smack them on the shins with it

I get it and can relate a bit as I had back surgery and was self conscious with using a stick and worried my DH would see me as old and not fancy me any more. Fake it till you make it was my mother’s advise and I just had to do it. I always dressed up a bit when going out at the start and made sure I had make up on to give me confidence. I used a hikers pole and tried to limit how much I used it - it’s funny once I got used to the idea myself it faded away as an issue and no one seemed to ask much about it after the initial queries.

Oh yes, the wheelchair transition. That’s a tough one. I “came out” to some old friends the other weekend and they were massively supportive and we had a fab day out in the fresh air rather than skulking around indoors somewhere.

I don't think anybody is upset by your thread at all we are just sharing experiences you have enough to be getting on with without thinking you are worrying us

Its hard psychologically but will make life easier.

I’m sorry you are having to come to terms with this. From what you say it may improve with joint replacements. Could that be jeopardised if your movement deteriorates more due to not using a stick now? If so can you almost treat it like revision for an exam. it’s not your favourite activity, you’d rather be going out with friends/not feeling the embarrassment of the stick. However the exam/surgery will happen anyway and go better if you revise/use the stick.

I'm not disabled but I walk a lot over rough terrain and bought an old fashioned wooden walking stick after I fell a few times and was worried about lying injured and undiscovered in remote places.

I like to look nice and didn't want to look like an old biddy with a cane so I painted it bright pink!

I now get other dog walkers asking me about it and it's a positive talking point.

Its saved me from falling over, being knocked over by boisterous dogs, helped me climb up steep places as I can hook the stick around trees etc and it's even helped fish one of my dogs out of a river, a canal and a reservoir!

Once you use a stick you will be so thrilled at the safety it gives you that your confidence will soar.

At the moment I use mine when out with the dogs but I siykdnt hesitate to use it in slippery conditions without them and if I become infirm.