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Original poster

Would I be unreasonable to ask DH to come rescue me?

54 replies

pleasehelpme2019 · 07/03/2019 01:50

I am currently trying to deal with a family situation. This has involved me having to travel nearly 300 miles to where my family is. I travelled down today and am staying with a friend as I've to attend an appointment at 10am tomorrow.
My plan was to drive down and stay overnight and drive back after the meeting tomorrow (well, today).
I am currently wide awake. I cannot switch off thinking about this meeting (I didn't think it would be this bad).
I don't feel like it will be safe to make the journey home but I cannot stay over again. So I am considering asking DH in the morning if he could get the day off (his works pretty flexible) to get a train down and drive us back in my car?
I feel incredibly cheeky (probably not helping the not sleeping wondering how the fuck I'll get home safely) but I feel it's my only option.

OP posts:
Original poster
pleasehelpme2019 · 07/03/2019 01:51

I mean drive us back after the appointment not now in the middle of the night.

OP posts:
ladyme · 07/03/2019 01:51

Wait and see how you feel in the morning but that's a good back up plan. I would do that for my husband if he really couldn't cope.

Just try and get some sleep now x

Original poster
pleasehelpme2019 · 07/03/2019 01:53

I just feel like I've already put him through loads and this whole situation has already put a strain on us.

OP posts:
frenchonion · 07/03/2019 01:53

It sounds like total faff! Can't you pull over somewhere quiet and have a kip? Or stay in a cheap B&B or something?

Butteredghost · 07/03/2019 02:00

Honestly I would do this for my partner if it was a medical emergency or something but I wouldn't be happy if it was just because they didn't sleep well. I never sleep well (insomnia) and you'd be surprised how well you can do the next day if you power through. Stop along the way if you need to.

Justagirlwholovesaboy · 07/03/2019 02:04

Depends on the situation, you mentioned a family issue and meeting. Is this a bereavement and will reading if so not unreasonable, if it’s just a family get together then yes it is. Hard to say without facts

Original poster
pleasehelpme2019 · 07/03/2019 02:14

Short version, I have a brother with alcohol/substance misuse and mental health issues. Since my mum died I'm pretty much all hes got.
Hes had a support package through adult social care and seemed to be doing well and he was 'clean' for quite a while but now it's all gone to pot and theres a care planning meeting.
It's going to be hard, not least of all because I'm going to have to disengage from this situation due to various things he has said/done, including but not limited to, false accusations for attention which could cost me my career.

OP posts:
Justagirlwholovesaboy · 07/03/2019 02:23

This will be a tough meeting, maybe having your hubby close by will help. But it depends on if it will jeopardise his job? I would suggest logging off and trying to get some sleep, driving may actually give you time to clear your mind of all this

whywhywhy6 · 07/03/2019 02:34

See how you feel tomorrow. I’d drive back with plenty of rest stops.

HopeIsNotAStrategy · 07/03/2019 02:42

It’s unreasonable to ask your husband to travel that distance twice in one day, that is not a practical solution.

You will think more clearly in the morning, everything seems worse at this time of the night. All of this is sortable tomorrow, try and rest now.

Topseyt · 07/03/2019 02:58

I do feel for you.

My DH has a brother like yours, into drugs and alcohol abuse. I'm afraid for us the only solution was to disengage totally and have virtually no contract now. It was a sanity saver.

I wish you all the best for the meeting. Not sure about DH traveling down and then driving back in the same day though. That would be a very long day indeed and he would be very tired.

There might be little option but to stay one more night.

Topseyt · 07/03/2019 02:59

No contact, not contract. Bloody autocorrect.

Stupomax · 07/03/2019 03:05

I did a similar trip last weekend - Friday I drove 350 miles, then Saturday I drove about 300 miles home again, with a really bad night's sleep in between.

I was OK for the drive itself, but I was completely knackered afterwards. I slept from 5pm to about 7am the next day.

I'm doing it all again next Friday except I have to do both trips in one day :-/

ArmchairTraveller · 07/03/2019 03:26

Why can’t you stay another night? Absolutely, I’d do that sort of thing and have for family members in need of rescue, but this isn’t really an emergency.

ApplestheHare · 07/03/2019 03:31

Sorry to hear you're going through a difficult time. Don't ask your poor husband to travel miles just because you can't sleep. He'll be in a better place to support you when you get home if he hasn't. You can do the drive with plenty of rest stops. Or if you're unsafe to drive you'll have to go out of your way and stay another night.

MrsTerryPratcett · 07/03/2019 03:32

I wouldn't ask. That's a huge effort for him when you will have to travel back anyway. Just stop if you feel too tired to drive.

Toothypegs469 · 07/03/2019 06:13

Personally I would ask as he may not mind but state if it is a problem you could book into a travelodge halfway down? Then you’ve done half the journey and can have some rest before driving the rest of the way home the next day? That way if he’s really not into it he doesn’t have to say yes as there’s another option. But you may find he might be up for it, you don’t know unless you ask :-)

ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 07/03/2019 06:24

I wouldn't ask, and my husband wouldn't do it! That's a very long way....

CarpetGate · 07/03/2019 06:31

Sorry, but that would be CU of you.

CarpetGate · 07/03/2019 06:31

Lol, I mean VU

Loopytiles · 07/03/2019 06:34

Sorry you’re in a tricky situation, but I think it’d be U.

PinkSmitterton · 07/03/2019 06:41

Hope today goes ok Flowers and I hope you got some sleep.

I would do it for DP and he would do it for me. He did similar things during a family crisis in the past.

If he called then I would come: I know he wouldn't ask unless he needed me to be there. Sometimes it's about feeling supported as well as the practical side.
Consider staying over somewhere and giving yourself a break as well as pp suggest if that would help.

Look after yourself as best you can

Cravingseaside · 07/03/2019 07:15

I wouldn't ask. But if I did ask my DH would do it because for me to ask would mean I really couldn't do it iyswim.

LeesPostersAreInFrames · 07/03/2019 07:16

Just to let you know I've driven after a week of patchy sleep (camping) - It's doable safely if you plan in plenty of stops as others have said, and don't be afraid to add stops and sleep on one if you need. I did on a really early stop and it sorted me out for the rest of the journey. The strong coffee then 20 minutes shuteye (set your phone timer) method really does work, even if you don't actually drop off to sleep.

Good luck for what sounds like a difficult morning. Xxx

Stayawayfromitsmouth · 07/03/2019 07:23

www.idriveyourcar.co.uk/
This may be a better idea than inconveniencing your husband.