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Original poster

Would I be unreasonable to ask DH to come rescue me?

54 replies

pleasehelpme2019 · 07/03/2019 01:50

I am currently trying to deal with a family situation. This has involved me having to travel nearly 300 miles to where my family is. I travelled down today and am staying with a friend as I've to attend an appointment at 10am tomorrow.
My plan was to drive down and stay overnight and drive back after the meeting tomorrow (well, today).
I am currently wide awake. I cannot switch off thinking about this meeting (I didn't think it would be this bad).
I don't feel like it will be safe to make the journey home but I cannot stay over again. So I am considering asking DH in the morning if he could get the day off (his works pretty flexible) to get a train down and drive us back in my car?
I feel incredibly cheeky (probably not helping the not sleeping wondering how the fuck I'll get home safely) but I feel it's my only option.

OP posts:
nordicwannabe · 07/03/2019 07:26

For a medical emergency/unable to cope, I would ask and DH would come. But I'd feel it's a big ask.

In this situation, I'd be having lots of phone calls with him for moral support. And if I felt unsafe to drive for whatever reason, I'd stay an extra night in a hotel, maybe part way home.

Whatever responsibilities you have at home which could force you back have other solutions. E.g. if it's childcare, then your DH can do it (and that would be completely reasonable). If it's work, get another day of annual leave (this is a family emergency - I know they only legally have to allow you 1 day, but it would be a harsh employer who would say no!). Anything else can just wait. (unless it's something like a court appearance... But that would be quite a drip feed!)

Meretricious · 07/03/2019 07:26

My husband wouldn’t do that. Even if I was ill.

nordicwannabe · 07/03/2019 07:27

btw, presumably hotel for the night would cost less that a 300 mile train ticket for your DH

mum23kidz · 07/03/2019 07:29

I agrae with others. Just stop onthe way and have a nap. I hope all goes well, and keep us posted on how you go.

OllyBJolly · 07/03/2019 07:29

I was doing this kind of journey three times a week when my father, and then my sister, were terminally ill.

You're describing a very stressful situation and if your DH's work is that flexible, then I would ask. I would do it for my DH and he would do it for me. Can he work on the train?

LuckyLou7 · 07/03/2019 07:32

Book a Travelodge or Premier Inn (or equivalent) as a halfway stop, then you can get some sleep in a clean, comfortable bed, then do the rest of the journey feeling refreshed.

Costwise, it will probably be the same, if not less expensive, than DH taking a train to you.

Good luck today, it sounds difficult. I have had to deal with an elderly parent with early-onset dementia (and absolutely no insight into their condition) who made lots of unpleasant and untrue accusations about various family members. Disengaging was hard, but I am at peace with myself now, knowing they have the best impartial care package in place, and I very rarely see them now. Sometimes it's the only way forwar.

Missillusioned · 07/03/2019 07:36

Don't listen to people who tell you to power through. Driving tired is as bad as driving drunk.
After the meeting when the pressure is off see if you can have a nap. If you can sleep for a couple of hours you will be much safer. After the meeting when the pressure is off you may be more able to sleep.

On the way stop frequently. If you feel tired drink a coffee and then have a nap in the car. One you wake the caffine will have kicked in. Do not continue to drive until you feel alert.

EvaHarknessRose · 07/03/2019 07:44

Instead of dh’s train ticket, spend the money on somewhere to stay tonight, and phone him for lots of support. Hope you got some sleep OP x

Missingstreetlife · 07/03/2019 07:46

Ssyou will be less stressed after the meeting. Everything is worse at night. Good luck with it

Footle · 07/03/2019 07:49

Do you know how much the train ticket would cost?

scubadive · 07/03/2019 08:02

Hope the meeting goes well. One bad nights sleep will not leave you unable to drive. Lots of coffee and stop for a break halfway through or even break the journey into 3 x 100 miles. You shouldn’t drive when too tired especially on a motorway but one bad nights sleep shouldn’t leave you in such bad shame.

scubadive · 07/03/2019 08:03

Shape not shame, sorry,

GooseberryJam · 07/03/2019 08:06

I'm dealing with similar elderly relative issues and staying over in hotels - I would say find a cheap chain hotel (Ibis and Holiday Inn Express are very good and low priced) and stay another night as the least worst option. Isolate yourself and take some down time to recover from the stress of it and you'll probably then feel better able to drive. Flowers

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 07/03/2019 08:25

Berocca tablets and hour long naps on service stations, that’s how I manage after long haul trips.

How far are you traveling? It may feel daunting but you can do it, but if you feel you can’t I would say the better option would be to book a travelodge to have a rest before traveling back rather than a train ticket for your husband and talk a lot on the phone.

If you feel you are about to have a breakdown, then call your husband to pick you up.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 07/03/2019 08:51

How are you this morning? Good luck with the meeting OP.

Esaworry · 07/03/2019 08:54

No. Toughen up. You'll be fine.

JohnnyHatesJazz · 07/03/2019 09:19

No. Toughen up. You'll be fine.

Don't be ridiculous! You really think she would be safe to drive 300 miles with potentially little to no sleep?

Barrenfieldoffucks · 07/03/2019 09:19

I'd do it for my husband without blinking, and I know he'd do the same. It isn't just the logistics, it's feeling like someone thinks you are worth putting themselves out for, and someone to talk to.

How are you this morning?

CaseofEllen · 07/03/2019 09:32

I'm quite shocked at how many people wouldn't do this/have partners who wouldn't do this. I'd do it for DP and he would do it for me if I asked.

You could always split the drive back, even just having him there to talk to and take some of the pressure off could help.

As long as he won't get into trouble with work I don't think it's unreasonable at all.

GooseberryJam · 07/03/2019 09:39

I'd do it as well, and so would DH, but I think what people are getting at is that OP is in a stressful situation where she's going to need her husband's help and support for some time. It might be that there are going to be more urgent moments for it than this, and most people don't have unlimited annual leave / work flexibility / energy. So is there a way to help OP through this difficult situation that would be easier than getting her husband to come down and then drive back up again? Quite a few of us have said the extra hotel stop over would be. OP has said she can't do this but we don't know exactly why - I think it would be worth questioning that as it seems a better option all round to me.

Drum2018 · 07/03/2019 09:44

I'm sure your Dh would rather collect you than have you dead in a ditch. However if this situation with your brother is already causing issues in your marriage he may not be over the moon about it. I hope this care plan meeting you're attending is to let them know that you are not available to assist your alcoholic brother given that you live so far away. He has shown that he can be clean so it's up to him to get better again. What do they expect you to do? The fact your mother has passed does not mean that you have to be responsible for him.

ohfourfoxache · 07/03/2019 09:48

I remember your other thread Thanks

No advice, but I hope today goes ok x

LessLivid · 07/03/2019 11:59

No wonder there are so many avoidable accidents with the number of blatantly unsafe drivers on this thread.

OP, get a Travelodge and I hope it’s not too awful today.

tictac86 · 07/03/2019 12:03

Your super strong op. I hope all is going to plan and your looking after yourself

Singlenotsingle · 07/03/2019 12:04

It's a hell of a long way to ask him to come on the train, and it'll cost a fortune! Like others have said, do half the journey and stay overnight in a Travel Lodge.