What is the worst thing your child has done?

[Elnudzio]

I would say either ripping a whole bowl of spaghetti hoops over or screaming through the notebook.

I was talking to a lady at the beauty counter and dd who was about 4 got a tester lip stick and drew on the lady’s skirt!

Not my kid thankfully, but I saw the nail bar owner's little girl bite a customer in the salon the other week. Hard enough for the customs to yelp and knock the UV lamp off the table.

Bit a lady standing next to us in a queue at a supermarket. I was mortified!

Well built woman on a train had on beige tights that had a bit of a sheen to them and my son aged around 4 started singing "Two fat sausages sizzling in a pan" whilst pointing at her legs.

The situation not helped by other passengers laughing.

Palominoo that's made me actual LOL

Small child in a bathroom showroom shouting, "I've finished!"

Possibly not the worst, but certainly quite embarrassing - explaining how cows mate at the top of her 5 year old voice to her little sister while in a public toilet cubicle when i knew there was someone in the next one. We hid in the loo, until i heard them leave

Including the phrases 'climbing on top' and 'shaking his seed in'.

My five year old has absolutely no filter and regularly embarrasses the heck out of me by stating the obvious. Recent gems are, Nana you're so round like a ball! Mummy that man has got a leg missing (yes I can clearly see!) mummy your boobies are so big! Mummy why is that man wearing a dress? (it's not a man). I always really tell him off for being rude but I honestly don't think he's meaning to be. Makes me cringe.

Used the corner of the living room carpet as a toilet because he couldn't be bothered to go upstairs. Numerous times. It's carpeted.

When I was 3 my mum left me in the car on my own whilst she went to see a patient (seriously what the fuck, she wasn't generally neglectful). She came back to find me and the car (particularly the windows) covered in red lipstick. She felt guilty about it for years. I vaguely remember it.

Spat vimto all over a plush white carpet...many many times.

Daubed nail varnish all over a friends bedroom.

Tipped a whole 5 litre tin of white paint all over dh ‘s garage.

Almost completely, single handedly wrecked my newly renovated house from the skirting boards to the ceilings in every room.

Ate the birthday girls name (that was written in icing) off of her birthday cake just before the party started. Luckily her mum is his godmother and saw the funny side. He wasn't even 2 at the time...

Palominoo that is fucking hilarious 😫

Mine is normally pretty well behaved but he once (aged 2) just looked me right in the eye and poured a bottle of water out over the carpet. I said DS why did you do that?! He replied BECAUSE I IS A BAD MAN!

Never repeated the phrase, still no idea!

When DS was 2.5 we went swimming. A very very large lady in a black and white swimming costume got in the pool, DS shouts “look mummy,whale”. I was utterly mortified.

Around the same age, we were walking through the park when a lovely old gentleman stopped to chat and let DS stroke his dog. I don’t know the medical name for it but the man had some kind of tracheotomy and was having to cover it over as he spoke,he had a very gravelly voice. DS’s favourite book at the time was Boris (the orange puppet book) every time I read it I’d put on a deep,gruff voice. As we were parting ways DS shouts ‘Bye bye Boris’ in his best ‘Boris’ voice. Oh gosh I felt absolutely awful about it, he was such a nice man.

Another time, again around the same age he told my lovely mum ‘Nan-na, you smell like ol’ ladies’ 🤦🏼‍♀️

DS said to the lady at the check out "you've got dirty teeth" (her teeth were quite brown)

Shut me and my DM out of the house when we'd both popped to the wheely bin. She was about 2. Next door's son had to break a glass panel in the front door to get me in. She'd scampered straight upstairs and liberally scattered some powdered toothpaste all over the bathroom.

Age 2 sitting in his pushchair on a busy bus, pinched a very glamous elderly woman's bum she laughed and remarked "don't they start young" ! I couldn't apologise enough.

Found a stray biro and coloured in the front of my Converse.
And drew massive circles, I say drew I mean carved, intoon the walls in the hall. Which to be fair were covered in horrible paper and motivated us to decorate but she didn't know that!

Oh Gawd, I'm burning up just thinking about this. Ds was about 2 or 3 and used to take ages going to the toilet, we were at PILs and they have 6 sons, one of them needed to shower so while ds was on the loo, bil had a quick shower. Bil left the bathroom, I went back in and saw to ds without incident. Two days later, during a Christmas dinner with about 25 of us around the table ds announced that his uncle's willy was much smaller than his dad's - it's only 'this' big (demonstrated with finger and thumb). Awkward. He also (around the same time) told my dad's wife that her breasts were very low down. He's in his twenties now and quite tactful thankfully.

Oh god Bertie 😳

DBro when he was about 5 “That’s the nasty old bat from next door” Our next door neighbour was the stab the ball and throw it back over sort... My Mum was FURIOUS and I (7) couldn’t stop laughing. She bollocked my Dad when we got home.

DD when she was 4 “My Mummy says you’re a twat” To ExFIL. To be fair, he is a twat. Racist, homophobic, thinks women should be seen and not heard, nor should they be out of the kitchen

I once drew a picture of my Grandma - her body was a big round ball. I don’t remember it but she likes to torment me about me fat shaming her regularly

My much younger siblings are identical twins. Hilarious for me, not so much my parents. They got upto all sorts of shit. From sitting each other’s exams as teens to confusing our Grandmother on purpose, “I saw you do it” “No, you saw one of us do it. But you don’t know which one, do you?” GENIUS.

When she was 2, and DS was about 6 months, I left them both sitting on my bedroom floor with a book while I quickly ran to the loo. Literally a one minute wee and I was back.
In that one minute, my DD had got hold of a lot of sudocreme, painted herself and the baby from head to toe in it, smeared it across the tv and half of my clean bed linen
Sudocreme does not wash off easily - off of children or linen

DS6
Shitting at the park and covering it with a little poo cairn of stones.
Deciding to be racist.