Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

At breaking point - minor issues mounting up and feel overwhelmed

38 replies

Diorissimo1985 · 04/03/2019 13:06

I'm so exhausted and on the brink of tears all the time. DD is upstairs crying in her cot as I got so frustrated trying to get her to nap I gave up and stormed out. She is poorly (15 months) and won't eat or sleep well. She just wants me.

I'm so tired from working, the nursery runs, getting home and cooking and cleaning. Bath time, bedtime, sleep, do it all again the next day. DH is busy at work and not pulling his weight at home and I feel I'm being a shit mum, shit employee, shit friend. I've got dozens of texts and emails I haven't replied to from friends.

I'm so unhappy today. I'm sorry I just needed to get that all out. I know I am lucky in the grand scheme of things - I have a family and a home and job. It's just too hard today and I'm sad and angry.

OP posts:
GirlfriendInAKorma · 04/03/2019 13:11

Just to say, you're definitely not alone.

I've been there and will no doubt be there again.

It's so hard when everything comes to get you at once - poorly child, half arsed husband, demands from friends etc.

Calpol and cuddles and CBeebies for little one. Tea and biscuits for you.

Do the bare minimum today and get through it Thanks

Original poster
Diorissimo1985 · 04/03/2019 13:16

Thank you for replying, I appreciate it

OP posts:
Fuzzyheadache · 04/03/2019 13:17

I think you probably need a break. It can get so much so quickly. And it does seem so unfair when your carrying so much. I know it’s hard, but when DD is better, book a day off to do anything. Even if it’s just binge watching tv. Let the responsibilities go and have a day.
If you was anything like me I used to save holidays for when DD was ill, but if your not careful, you will take more time being off because your run down

WiggleXX · 04/03/2019 13:19

There are moments for every parent when it is too much.

Those are the moments you make a cup of tea, leave crying baby safe in cot, shut the kitchen door and drink that whole cup of hot tea.

It's ok.

WiggleXX · 04/03/2019 13:22

Once you've done that we can help you form a plan.

Does half arsed husband get home at the same time every night?

Do you have any spare budget to work with?

Original poster
Diorissimo1985 · 04/03/2019 14:03

Just back from shop and DD hysterically crying as she's exhausted. Tried to feed her she's just screaming screaming screaming so I've left her again in her cot and come downstairs. This is awful I can't cope and she's a nightmare. I love her so much but I want her to go away

OP posts:
Original poster
Diorissimo1985 · 04/03/2019 14:04

I just want to leave and close the front door and go for a long walk. I can't deal with this screaming, nothing I do makes it better she is just railing against me and can't catch her breath for crying

OP posts:
Original poster
Diorissimo1985 · 04/03/2019 14:06

wiggle DH gets home after DD is in bed.
I have no spare money. My take home pay is 1200 and nursery fees are 880. We need that small income for food etc. It almost isn't worth me working but I think I would go insane at home all day all week

OP posts:
Babysharkdododont · 04/03/2019 14:11

Oh love, sounds like you're having a terrible day. Can you both wrap up warm and go for a long walk in the pram? Sometimes the whinging is just more bearable in a wide open space xxx

hedgeharris · 04/03/2019 14:11

Some days with dc are really crappy - when mine just started nursery they got so sick and under 3, you often feel like you’re always cartjng tired or sick children around.

I think most of us feel overwhelmed when people are sick, and the ‘they just want you’ excuse makes it harder.

Don’t make any work decisions when you’re feeling overwhelmed, can you plan a rest/something for yourself for when dd’s better to lift you a bit?

BeetlebumShesAGun · 04/03/2019 14:12

Just to say I could have written all of your posts OP. My children are older but I feel exactly the same, just overwhelmed and like I am trying to do everything but winning at nothing. It’s really really fucking hard some times.

All the cliches are true - carve out some time for yourself. Get DH on board. If all else fails, speak to your GP. My DH has anxiety and depression, but today he has firmly told me I need to seek help as he recognises signs of himself in me.

Things can and do overwhelm us. It’s not possible to be perfect and there is so much more pressure on women today I feel.

Here if you want to moan some more!

Lardlizard · 04/03/2019 14:15

Your dh is going to have to pull his socks up

WiggleXX · 04/03/2019 14:21

Agree get out and walk with baby, the fresh air should conk her out hopefully. Take your headphones and tune out for a bit.

Oh it's tough but made a gazillion times worse by tiredness.

Your short sharp shock immediate answer is to write out dc timetable and dos and dont's, stick it on the fridge. Plan overnight weekend visit to friend or family, hand dc to oh, leave.

Your hopeful long term answer is a fairer split of domestic duty, this could work well if to begin with you could switch one of your work days to one of his off days and he has to do one day a week min so he learns it. That would give you a free time window when dc at childcare.

If you entirely can't trust him to keep dc safe then can you enrol the help of his family to come around and help him? Or are you so fed up it might be easier as a single parent.

These are big questions, best not approached when knackered but possibly useful to illustrate to him what needs doing. Dc has two parents, he needs to pull his weight.

WiggleXX · 04/03/2019 14:23

Also keep you job, no matter what, work isn't just money it's your sanity too and you are perfectly entitled to it.

CoperCabana · 04/03/2019 14:27

I would second a long walk or a drive if you feel able. We have all been there. It’s bloody tough but you will get through it. Is there anyone you can call to give you a break? Brew Cake Flowers

CaseofEllen · 04/03/2019 14:47

You are not alone OP! I am also feeling the pressure today, poorly dog refusing to eat, baby due any day now, trying to be a good mum/partner/daughter/sister/friend. Some days you just have to do the minimum and let that be enough! I hope you find time to have some Cake+Brew+Wine later. Sorry it's so shit right now but that fact you're worrying about this sounds to me like you're a great mum/partner/friend already xx

WiggleXX · 04/03/2019 15:14

Other fail safe anticry mummy manoeuvres are

bath for water babies
music on and dance
double check the list - check nappy/cloth fit, scratchy labels/toes&fingers for caught threads/temp/drink/food
tiny bit of chocolate
calpol

and if none of that works

SOS A FRIEND!

and order take out.

Original poster
Diorissimo1985 · 04/03/2019 15:56

Okay DD has been asleep nearly an hour (far too late in the day and it will affect bed time but fuck it) ... have sat with a cup of tea and a biscuit and watched Frasier. Feel a bit better and very, very guilty about finding it all so hard sometimes. I have no family here and all my friends work/have their own families ... how do others manage?

OP posts:
FaFoutis · 04/03/2019 16:01

I managed just the same as you are managing - felt overwhelmed and miserable but got on with it anyway.
It gets much better, in fact it gets really lovely at times.

MummaGiles · 04/03/2019 16:07

Oh gosh OP I recognise myself in your posts so much. Being a mum is HARD. You’re doing great. This will pass. And for now - tea and biscuits.

MotherWol · 04/03/2019 16:15

We've all been there. I'm juggling FT work and DD, but if one of my friends messaged me and said they weren't coping and needed a break, I'd do whatever I could to help. Is there anyone you could ask for some support?

Original poster
Diorissimo1985 · 04/03/2019 16:39

No, I truly have no real life support here - we relocated 8 months ago, no family here and I've made a few mum friends but they all work full time or part time. And I don't know them that well, if you know what I mean

OP posts:
Original poster
Diorissimo1985 · 04/03/2019 16:40

DD awake again and frantically screaming and crying again. Why do 15 month olds cry? I've tried calpol, teething gel, offered snack and drink, checked nappy, offered cuddles, sat with her, walked with her, took her outside... nothing is getting through

OP posts:
CaseofEllen · 04/03/2019 16:45

Could she be poorly OP? Worth making a GP appointment to make sure all bases are covered?

redeyetonowheregood · 04/03/2019 17:29

Hello, just wanted to say that this all sounds very familiar. I had times with mine when I had to leave the house and stand outside to calm myself down and times even now when I just want to leave. It can be hideously difficult and you are not alone.

Your little girl is trying to tell you something and it really is so frustrating for both of you that you don't know what that is. If you are sure that it isn't anything major (check her temp, look for rash etc...) just do whatever it takes to get you both through the day and night and see what tomorrow brings.

I have no great advice on coping going forward. We too had absolutely no-one around, I worked part time and did pretty much everything in the house because my husband was working full time and long hours and we were so broke when the children were little. It just gradually got better but it took years. Sorry, not helpful but it does eventually get better.