At breaking point - minor issues mounting up and feel overwhelmed

[Diorissimo1985]

I'm so exhausted and on the brink of tears all the time. DD is upstairs crying in her cot as I got so frustrated trying to get her to nap I gave up and stormed out. She is poorly (15 months) and won't eat or sleep well. She just wants me.

I'm so tired from working, the nursery runs, getting home and cooking and cleaning. Bath time, bedtime, sleep, do it all again the next day. DH is busy at work and not pulling his weight at home and I feel I'm being a shit mum, shit employee, shit friend. I've got dozens of texts and emails I haven't replied to from friends.

I'm so unhappy today. I'm sorry I just needed to get that all out. I know I am lucky in the grand scheme of things - I have a family and a home and job. It's just too hard today and I'm sad and angry.

If you’ve given calpol, you can try ibuprofen per the nhs advice - I had to do this once or twice when they were really under the weather:

www.nhs.uk/common-health-questions/childrens-health/can-i-give-my-child-paracetamol-and-ibuprofen-at-the-same-time/

Can you get a break at all? It's absolutely exhausting at the best of times, without a poorly child or DH who is busy with work stuff so not present.
Is there anyone who can look after DC so you can have a break?
I know it's easier said than done, but you do need to look after yourself too.

You’re an amazing job. I think it must often feel worse with a partner because it’s yet another person to please or has expectations.

Focus on your daughter, work, the running of the house, friends and DH in that order. He can sort himself out with a bit of notice.

It is so hard somedays. I'm in the same boat. I have two and there is always one crying. Bought a new double buggy to see if getting them out woukd help and couldn't put it together as both were crying! You are not alone and the wanting to run away happens here a lot! It doesn't mean you don't love her it's just really hard. But it's so much worse cos she's sick and it's not forever. You havn't run away yet so give yourself a pat on the back. You are doing great! She might actually need the extra sleep and will hopefully go down fairly easy later xx

Hope your day got a bit better
@Diorissimo1985. If little one is still miserable then definitely worth making a GP appointment in the morning to check for ear infection / urine infection or similar.

Teeth tended to be the main culprit in our house. Seemed to cause pain in the mouth so then a refusal to eat and often then stomach ache.

In terms of coping, is there any where local that parents tend to go? We have a local coffee shop and a local library and both were good places to go to meet people. I think it's easier if you have a few friends to sound off too / generally talk rubbish with.

The days are so long with a poorly child. Keep saying "this too will pass...!".

Thank you everyone

Just had a long bath and feel better. DD sleeping soundly and DH cane home early (working at home on laptop but at least he's in the house).

I do try to get out to baby groups but people don't seem that friendly here. I have a couple of friends but they both work too so it's hard to find time. I am quite lonely to be honest.

DD is poorly to be fair, she had a vomiting bug over the weekend but that's finished now. It's the crying I can't cope with - I was crying too today!

Thanks everyone for the support - I am so grateful as it felt like rock bottom this afternoon

Hi, My dd (12 months) has also had the vomiting bug and has been glued to me virtually all weekend (better now thankfully). It has made her very clingy but I have gone with it, because it has stressed me to see her poorly like this, so I have just cuddled her (in front of the TV etc) and read a book when she dozed. My usually helpful dh has also been poorly, so I have been doing more than usual and feeling the effects. I have to rely on dh (he works full-time) because like you, I have no extended family (none) and no really good friends who I feel I can call upon because they are also busy.
I have two other school aged dc added to the mix (but I don't work). Quite frequently, I feel it is one long round of chores and I am literally scrabbling for 'me' time. Today, I have literally felt, like I have moved from one childcare task to a housework task, school runs, visit to GP, ferrying to afterschool activity on and on. I love having my little tribe but I know I underestimated just how hard work it would be, especially without some kind of support network.
Getting out definitely helps (dd is crawling/walking) and into everything so sometimes it just helps to get out of the house and I have a small weekly routine established now.
Only thing to add is that I feel like this too and others do too, you are not alone.

Lavenderdays thank you for replying. + for you, I really sympathise

How are you doing today?

I moved when dd1 was a baby and I do agree it’s hard to make friends, in general and at baby groups. Often I found other overwhelmed mums that have their own network aren’t the easiest people to find to build up a group with as they don’t have the same need to add friends.

I posted on my mumsnet local for any other mums new to the area - I’d been here two years when I’d done that but it was brilliant and I made two amazing, supportive friends from doing that. There is also a mums meet-up app now.

I worked full time and struggled as nobody ever wanted to meet at weekends - although I did find one person when I really persisted and it helped as dh very often away or working at weekends and a real low point for me. When I cut to 4 days it got easier to meet people on my day off.

What I would say is stick at it, if you go to enough kinds of groups eventually you make friends as you become a regular face. It took me about 3/4 years before I felt I had any kind of community but it was worth it.

I do find you have to go several times for British people to start talking to you (unlike mid westerners, for example).

If you’ve no network, I would really put effort into that, it’s worth it. When I’m having a crappy day now I’ve got a few people other than dh I can meet or talk to and a couple ‘in case of emergency’ friends. It takes time and effort though.

Thinking of you today. I hope you have a better day. Your posts have brought it all back to me - some days/weeks are just dreadful.

I second earlier suggestions - child in buggy, headphones on and walk, walk, walk. (Obviously without headphones if no screaming!)

I also used to strap my DD into her car seat and drive around, singing or playing the radio. If she (miraculously) fell asleep I’d get a cup of tea from a McDonald’s drive through, park up and either read or sit staring into space for an hour.

Some days are so hard.

Thanks for checking in, you're all angels. I had a good day as I was at work - I picked up DD from nursery and was told she'd been lovely all day ... why is she a shitty madam at home with me?!

DH working late again so I did tea/bath/bed but didn't get overwhelmed. Today is an alright day thank you so much for all the support

Take some time to have a relaxing evening, little acts of kindness to yourself.