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Original poster

7 months pregnant when my husband tried to commit suicide

43 replies

klm843 · 03/03/2019 21:23

Hi, I’m 38 +1 weeks and on 3rd December my husband tried to take his own life. I received a call on my way home from work telling me he loved me and our 4 year old son and that he was sorry.... the line went dead and I couldn’t get back through. I called 999 and my family. He was taken via ambulance to hospital where he was almost sectioned. The support from the NHS has been appalling virtually non existent, therefore I have been responsible for him and my son and myself since. I feel so alone. I know it sounds selfish but I feel like this whole pregnancy has been about him and his problems I feel as though he doesn’t care or consider what I feel about this whole situation. I could of lost my husband and given birth within weeks whilst trying to raise our other son alone. How would he of felt knowing what could of happened. I feel as though he doesn’t love me as he was willing to hurt me by doing what he did. I’m nervous to have my new baby knowing I’m putting him at risk of hurting himself again I feel like I can’t open up with worry of how it will effect him. I’m trying to keep everything going as normal for my 4 year old but I’m screaming inside. I don’t what to do

OP posts:
babysharkah · 03/03/2019 21:26

I'm sorry I have no advice at all but I hope you're ok it sounds totally shit.

purpleboy · 03/03/2019 21:26

I'm so sorry to hear your going through this it's horrific.
What were his reasons for wanting to do it? What did he do? Does he have history of MH? Xx

Original poster
klm843 · 03/03/2019 21:31

He tried to hang himself in the hall in our home which is a constant reminder also, he has since been diagnosed with bipolar depression which is so hard to live with. He previously drank a lot of alcohol which emphasizes the condition but has been trying to get healthy; gym, food, alcohol free. Although at times he lapses and I feel so let down. It has been such a struggle emotionally to deal with this especially whilst my hormones r all over the shop but each time he lapses I feel like it’s a personal let down as I have been there for him and supported him every step of the way to his recovery

OP posts:
eclipse1808 · 03/03/2019 21:32

It sounds to me like you desperately need help yourself. I’ve been through this with DP except DS was weeks old instead of unborn. I understand why you feel he doesn’t love you but you have to remember that someone who feels so strongly as to try to take their own life, would not have any room left to think about the people they love. Has he been to his GP? There’s an online councelling service we got reffered to (because you need to talk things through too) can’t remember what it’s called though, maybe justtalk? And our GP managed to get DP some free councelling too.

Your DP needs to hear what you’re thinking if you keep it from him it will probably do more harm than good.

I hope things get better for you soon OP Flowers

eclipse1808 · 03/03/2019 21:34

Going to AA really helped DP even though he didn’t think he was an alcoholic, if he ‘lapses’ he could really do with it if he’s prepared. I’d say that helped us more than the councelling services did

Thisimmortalcurl · 03/03/2019 21:34

How awful for you both .
Has he started meds ? Seeing anyone ?
Have you googled any carers or partners of Bipolar support groups that might be in your area ?

SignOnTheWindow · 03/03/2019 21:45

Oh, you poor, poor thing. What a difficult, horrible situation. It definitely sounds as if you also need some external support with this - depression affects the whole family and not just the patient.

If it helps, when I was suicidal, I genuinely felt that my family would be better off without me. It wasn't that I didn't love them enough to want to stay alive, I just couldn't see how things could get any better. Medication and the right care saved my life. It sounds like your husband is doing the right things by eating healthily and exercising. The fact that he is managing this is positive. Relapses do happen, which I know is so hard on you.

Original poster
klm843 · 03/03/2019 22:03

He has underlying issues from his childhood which seem to have triggered his condition. The alcohol has been a catalyst for what happened. He refuses to take meds which is all he has been offered, I arranged for him to see our gp who is amazing but this is so out of his field so he advised counseling. We managed after a while to find available counseling in our area which he felt started off good but has only attended 3 sessions and not continued. I feel I need support but have nobody to turn too, my mum was there at first but she is old in age and I don’t want to trouble her anymore with my problems.

OP posts:
Cranky17 · 03/03/2019 22:32

Op you poor thing, what a difficult situation.

I lived in very similar circumstances, but my children were older. I’ve now left the situation for other reason (and I’m not suggesting you do that at all) but I didn’t realise how much the situation had taken it’s toll on my own mental health.
The feeling of not knowing what sort of mood to expect from the day. Trying to squash my own feeling so not to rock the boat.
I had 9 months of counselling which helped enormously although had to get a loan to cover the cost.

Cranky17 · 03/03/2019 22:33

Is his mum around?

NeverSayFreelance · 03/03/2019 22:33

I'm so sorry OP. You have to understand that when someone decides to end their life, it's usually because they feel like they are a problem. So whilst you see it as being abandoned, your DH would probably see it as relieving you of him and making your life easier. It's the horrible way depression messes with your mind. However, you're also well within your rights to feel the way you do. It's an awful situation.

You could try giving Samaritans a call. They are free, available 24 hours a day, and they help anyone who needs it.

You'll get through this Thanks

Original poster
klm843 · 03/03/2019 22:37

It took his mum 3 weeks to come and see him after his attempt.... she is useless. So no support at all from his family

OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 03/03/2019 22:40

Honestly? I'm really sorry and no doubt this advice won't be popular but I think you need to step back. You need to stop trying to help him and just focus on yourself and your children. You can't help someone who won't help himself. He's refusing treatment. He won't take medication and stopped counselling. He will drag you all down with him if you let him.

Original poster
klm843 · 03/03/2019 22:41

I do think I definitely need some sort of support myself, I feel so trapped and because of all the hurt and emotions it’s making me question if this is worth saving as a marriage. I know that sounds totally selfish and inconsiderate but I honestly need to think of what is best for my children. I’m at my wits end and don’t know what to do, I’m trying to prepare for our new son who is due any day and should be focusing on that when I cant

OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 03/03/2019 22:42

Oh and get support for yourself, get counselling and tell your midwife about the situation.

AnotherEmma · 03/03/2019 22:43

Cross post.

" I know that sounds totally selfish and inconsiderate but I honestly need to think of what is best for my children."

It's not selfish or inconsiderate at all. You are absolutely right to think of what is best for your children.

NeverSayFreelance · 03/03/2019 22:45

It's not selfish. You're not a qualified mental health worker (I assume). It's not your job to know how to fix your DH. But you are a mother, so you need to do what's best for your children.

Squeegle · 03/03/2019 22:46

Very very hard situation for you. Agree that there is a limit to what you can do. You really need to look after yourself and the kids. I think the GP could be your first port of call- they may be able to direct you to some support. Have you got good friends? Can you be honest with them? In your situation I expext you feel a lot of guilt about not being able to help him; but in honesty he has to find this path himself- all you can do is support not lead. Flowers

Starlight456 · 03/03/2019 22:48

My exh took an od when my Ds was 6 weeks old . Tbh my over ridding feeling was anger.

I think it killed our marriage . It was for me been unable to put my ds’s needs before his own . We split before my Ds was one .

I don’t think there is anything I could of done differently.

I would get support from your family and friends .

Cranky17 · 03/03/2019 22:49

He will drag you all down with him if you let him.

This is what I found, I found myself in a very bad place. My ex wouldn’t do anything to help himself, ate crap food, slept late, wouldn’t visit the gp and in the end it hit too much and I felt myself going under, it’s been nearly a year now and my heath, self esteem and confidence has improved so much..

After the hospital visit did social services get involved?

Original poster
klm843 · 03/03/2019 22:58

No social services contact whatsoever in fact nobody has been out to visit or check him/us at all, he has received maybe 2 phone calls over Christmas but that was it.

I know what advice I would give to someone else in my situation but it’s hard to listen to common sense when you’re in this situation yourself.

I’m so torn right now and feel I can’t deal with anything until my unborn baby arrives

OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 03/03/2019 23:02

You don't have to make any big decisions, but please do talk to your midwife and GP, and get some counselling for yourself.

Cranky17 · 03/03/2019 23:06

know what advice I would give to someone else in my situation but it’s hard to listen to common sense when you’re in this situation yourself

What advice would you give yourself? .

SleepDeprivedCabbageBrain · 03/03/2019 23:09

I'm so sorry Klm my DH suffers with depression and had a MH crisis during my last pregnancy (though didn't make an attempt on his life). I get a little bit of what you must be feeling.

My midwives and health visitor were very helpful and there was a perinatal MH team that could have offered me support - I was paying for private counselling at the time so chose to continue with that. I'd recommend getting in touch with them, and getting yourself some support - this is a really hard situation and you really need someone to offload onto.

I also found I had to step back from the relationship and put some distance between me and DH's emotions so I could be there for my baby. It has affected our relationship somewhat. I was quite open with DH that I couldn't be there for him and reiterated that he needed to sort out his own counselling (which he did, and has been very good).

I'm also human and felt quite resentful at times as everyone just assumes you'll be supported, or even spolied in preganncy whereas it was all just going to shit at home. Sending you Flowers

JaneEyre07 · 03/03/2019 23:09

This may sound tough OP but he's an adult and he's making a conscious decision not to help himself.

I think other PPs are right, you need to take a massive step back and protect your own mental well being. His depression doesn't give him a free pass to make your life a misery too Flowers.

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