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Original poster

Is this worth saving?

29 replies

LLCoolKay · 03/03/2019 19:05

Hello. Been married for three years with a child and a dog.
I worked with my husband and it was a slow burner. Everyone said we were great together so I went for it with him.
However for a good while I've been feeling meh. I'm not overly attracted to him. We don't have sex. I don't enjoy spending time with him. Were in separate beds.
Sometimes we go out and have a laugh but them times are few and far between. I'm wondering whether it's worth staying

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Original poster
LLCoolKay · 03/03/2019 19:29
Confused
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ShabbyAbby · 03/03/2019 20:39

I don't think I'd break up a family or a marriage unless there are major unresolvable issues like cheating or violence, but equally I'm sure many will be along to say that you shouldn't settle for a loveless sexless marriage. Depends where your limits are I guess?
But I would be getting some counselling, trying to work on things, trying to rekindle the romance, etc.
Do you think maybe your just off sex since becoming a Mum? Because that's common

Original poster
LLCoolKay · 03/03/2019 21:12

I think it's over but I feel guilty. We have a young child but can she really grow up in this atmosphere? it's not healthy. He's a lovely man but I can't keep pretending

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Relationship problems
Original poster
LLCoolKay · 04/03/2019 15:27

I've got a free half hour with a solicitor tomorrow

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ShabbyAbby · 04/03/2019 16:22

Good luck. Maybe try and get some counselling or mediation after that and go from there x

Original poster
LLCoolKay · 04/03/2019 17:47

We went to couples counselling. When we got out he disagreed with everything that was said it was pointless

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ShabbyAbby · 04/03/2019 19:55

How did you feel about what was said? Or did he not say much?

Original poster
LLCoolKay · 04/03/2019 20:02

He let me take the lead as per. I told him his family are overbearing and I'm sick of hearing about money it's boring

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MrsTerryPratcett · 04/03/2019 20:12

Three years is a very short amount of time. What happened?

Original poster
LLCoolKay · 04/03/2019 20:21

We should never have got married. Alot of money was spent on the wedding and there was alot of pressure so I guess I had to get married

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skankingpiglet · 04/03/2019 20:41

How old is the child? DH and I went through a period where we felt a bit like 'just good friends' and I couldn't feel a spark, but it was down to daily drudgery and lack of sleep with small children. Things are picking up again now thankfully (youngest is 2.7yo). I strongly suspect DH felt the same about me during that time too.

If things aren't awful/abusive etc etc I'd stick with it for a bit. There is hope given you've said you do still manage to make each other laugh.

Original poster
LLCoolKay · 04/03/2019 20:48

child is just over 1. We've lacked spark for a good while tbh

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Shelbybear · 04/03/2019 21:26

I'd give it a bit longer, maybe another year or 2, just coz ur little one is really young.

It's easy to say though when I'm not the one in the situation. You sound like u have already made ur mind up tbh.

Original poster
LLCoolKay · 04/03/2019 21:29

I want to get out while I'm young enough to start again

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BreevandercampLGJ · 04/03/2019 21:32

Sounds like you have your mind made up then.

PrismGuile · 04/03/2019 22:22

You didn't have to get married... why did you when clearly you knew you didn't love him from the get go?

Original poster
LLCoolKay · 05/03/2019 09:03

He was desperate to get married and I thought I loved him. I was very insecure then

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skankingpiglet · 05/03/2019 12:49

I agree with the others: you've already made your mind up.

What do you mean by 'young enough to start again'? Do you want more children? How old are you? You are never too old to start again in terms of meeting someone and being happy. Obviously if you want more children then time can be an issue.

Relationships are really hard work to keep going, especially once you've had kids. Flat periods are normal. Your DC is still very little, and presumably this lull hasn't been too long as you chose to have a child together not all that long ago. I guess I'm saying just be sure you think the damage is irreparable.

Original poster
LLCoolKay · 05/03/2019 14:40

I'm 32 and would like more children but not with him.

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Original poster
LLCoolKay · 05/03/2019 23:57

I saw the solicitor I can't afford to buy him out Hmm

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GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 08/03/2019 14:16

I think life is too short to plod along in an unhappy relationship.

Am sure there are other options than just buying him out. Could you sell the house and split the proceeds? Start again somewhere else.

BitchQueen90 · 09/03/2019 16:13

I was in your position OP, I married my exh when I was young and naive, I knew before the wedding that it wasn't right but I was too scared to call it off. We had DS and after 2 years of marriage we separated.

Life is SO much better for both of us. If you're going to do it, do it while your DD is young so she won't remember it. DS was 10 months old when we split so it's all he's ever known and he's a happy loved little boy.

What is your husband's personality like? Is he a reasonable man? My exh and I have a great relationship which is good for DS. Do you think you both could co parent well if you split up?

There will be people on here that think divorce is the absolute worst thing for kids and blah blah. The truth is that is only the case if the parents don't act like reasonable adults after divorce. Life is too short to be unhappy.

Happynow001 · 10/03/2019 15:26

Sounds like you have one foot out of the door OP. Do see what financial planning you can do (eg check out www.entitledto.co.uk/) which may help you make a decision, or speak to Citizens Advice.

Original poster
LLCoolKay · 10/03/2019 21:15

BitchQueen I was the same.I wanted to pull out but it was too late.Too much money had been spent and so much stress. He knew I didnt really want to get married he has admitted that. Ive been selfish

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Original poster
LLCoolKay · 11/03/2019 22:19

He's looking for flats tomorrow. I don't like the idea of my child being in a flat away from meBlush

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