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Original poster

Be brutal and tell me what to do.

48 replies

LateOnParade · 01/03/2019 19:04

I'm about to turn 30 and I've never had a boyfriend. I went to an all girls' school and then did a BEd so men are an alien species, being perfectly honest.

I am normal apart from that. I have friends and I did all the clubbing and girls' holidays things at uni. I went travelling for a year too. I have a decent social life but it's starting to die off because my friends are all engaged, married or having babies.

I'm so embarrassed by it all. All the women in work keep talking about getting me a man. My nan frequently reminds me I'm getting on the shelf.

I really want to have a baby but it just seems an absolutely unachievable dream. I knew I was a late starter but people always said that it would happen when I least expected it, or to focus on myself and I'd meet someone. I never thought I'd be thirty and in the position I'm in.

I downloaded Tinder and I'm sitting here in tears because it all just seems so hard.

OP posts:

hidinginthenightgarden · 01/03/2019 19:05

Nothing wrong with online dating. Have you tried that?

Samind · 01/03/2019 19:09

Online dating, speed dating. Pubs are sometimes better for engaging with people of the male variety. Well it depends if it's an old man's pub 😶 dont listen to others only yourself. Don't be upset either or put pressure on yourself. it'll only take it seem harder.

Ginger1982 · 01/03/2019 19:10

I met my husband on Match.com. I was 29 at the time and felt much like yourself. 7 years on we're now happily married with DS. I would avoid sites like Tinder and use one which you have to pay for. You'll probably be more likely to find someone who wants the things you want and not just a shag.

BernardoTeashop · 01/03/2019 19:10

Go for it! Be open to meeting lots of different types of men and don’t take it too seriously. Just go out, have fun and see what happens

Hayden555 · 01/03/2019 19:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

user1469530553 · 01/03/2019 19:16

You don’t have to have a boyfriend to have a baby. If that’s what you want you can cut out the middle man. Nothing to be ashamed of.

SurgeHopper · 01/03/2019 19:17

What do you actually want from a man?

AssassinatedBeauty · 01/03/2019 19:19

Urgh, just ignore Hayden555...

I would suggest doing an activity that is typically fairly mixed, and be as social as you can manage. Could be a sport, or any kind of past time.

Then also try some of the different dating websites that appeal to you. It doesn't have to be Tinder.

Original poster

LateOnParade · 01/03/2019 19:19

Just go out, have fun and see what happens

The problem about dating is that none of it seems fun, just absolutely horrifyingly embarrassing.

OP posts:

DesolationCrow · 01/03/2019 19:20

It's absolutely not impossible.

You could always consider having a baby alone.

Original poster

LateOnParade · 01/03/2019 19:21

I think I'd like a relationship. I'd like to have someone to text or to talk to at night. I'd like to go on holiday with another person. It must be nice to have someone who really really likes you.

I am not going near the chaste comment but I didn't even have a ropey date in McDs or at the cinema as a teenager. I'm about fifteen years behind. How am I ever supposed to catch up?!

OP posts:

AssassinatedBeauty · 01/03/2019 19:21

If you go to a date and treat it like meeting a possible new friend, and try not to make it into a big thing. If you get on, then great, if not then no harm done.

JellySlice · 01/03/2019 19:23

I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you that I was in exactly your position.

A few weeks after I turned 30 I met a lovely man, 2 months later we began a relationship (nothing wrong with being a slow burner) and we have now been married with children for 20 years.

So it can happen for you.

I was on the verge of signing up with introduction agencies. I don't think I could have coped with Tinder.

I met my dh through a very sociable activity. I had been a member for years, he was a relatively recent joiner.

SurgeHopper · 01/03/2019 19:24

Do you have male friends?

Lweji · 01/03/2019 19:24

What is it that you find embarrassing?

Have you ever been attracted to someone? What happened?

Original poster

LateOnParade · 01/03/2019 19:25

Do you have male friends?

No. Not even any brothers or close cousins.

OP posts:

homegrownmumma · 01/03/2019 19:27

I was similar to you at 21, I made good friends with someone at work and 5 years later we are married with a baby .

Are you in the line of work where you meet men or work with men ?
Dating would horrify me but making a friendship is the best start as it may turn into more .

I'm a big believer in being friends first , I think it makes a solid ground for a relationship

AssassinatedBeauty · 01/03/2019 19:28

Men are just people, they're as different from each other as they are from women. Constantly thinking of men as different, separate, alien to women isn't going to be helpful.

Original poster

LateOnParade · 01/03/2019 19:32

What is it that you find embarrassing?
I'm afraid I would be so nervous I'd make a tit of myself. I don't know how to flirt, and I definitely don't know how to kiss.

Have you ever been attracted to someone? What happened?
I went very red and stammered when I saw him, so I avoided him as much as possible

OP posts:

pinknsparkly · 01/03/2019 19:33

Are you comfortable chatting to men? I can't tell from your post whether you now work/socialise with men or not. If you aren't comfortable talking to them in a social situation then I would suggest getting involved in some social activities/hobbies to practice (viewing this ENTIRELY as a way to meet guys purely to get comfortable chatting with them, not to find a date). Then I think the next step probably is internet dating. There's always a chance you'll meet someone at the pub / friend of a friend etc but internet dating will vastly increase your pool of opportunity. And keep in mind that even if the date goes HORRIFICALLY, you never have to see them again (but also give them a second or third chance if you get on "ok" but sparks don't fly at the first date - I know quite a few people now married to online dates who didn't give them the butterflies at the first date).

MikeUniformMike · 01/03/2019 19:33

Do things in your spare time.
Look up any sports or activities that interest you. Some attract more men than women. Volunteer with outdoorsy organisations.
Live your life.

If you are religiously inclined look for a friendly church that is popular with your age group and if you like it join in with events.
Look for dating web sites that are more for finding life partners.

GinisLife · 01/03/2019 19:35

If you run people do say Park Run is the place to meet someone.

MamaDane · 01/03/2019 19:36

Are you certain that you like men? Have you always longed for male companionship or was it always just "meh?". Are you asexual or just inexperienced?

It just sounds like you haven't been very interested, that it's moslty other people wanting it for you, but that you also want children. It also sounds like you have anxiety issues, perhaps a social anxiety, as you talk about embarrassment as a defining factor in dating.

pinknsparkly · 01/03/2019 19:36

Sorry cross posted with you! In terms of embarrassment, honestly honestly, honestly we always think we've made FAR more of a tit of ourselves than the other person does (and remember it and dwell on it long after the other person has completely forgotten!). I also can't flirt to save my life - it's totally not necessary. And kissing, like sex, is different with each person. Trust me, you can kiss and you will almost certainly enjoy it when you do!

MikeUniformMike · 01/03/2019 19:37

Join the groups to increase your social circle not to look for a husband.
Your contacts will grow like trees.
You will also be fulfilled by having things to do and that will make you attractive.
Not that you're not, but I'm guessing you are a primary teacher who tends to only meet teachers and mums and dads.
Good luck!

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