Be brutal and tell me what to do.

[LateOnParade]

I'm about to turn 30 and I've never had a boyfriend. I went to an all girls' school and then did a BEd so men are an alien species, being perfectly honest.

I am normal apart from that. I have friends and I did all the clubbing and girls' holidays things at uni. I went travelling for a year too. I have a decent social life but it's starting to die off because my friends are all engaged, married or having babies.

I'm so embarrassed by it all. All the women in work keep talking about getting me a man. My nan frequently reminds me I'm getting on the shelf.

I really want to have a baby but it just seems an absolutely unachievable dream. I knew I was a late starter but people always said that it would happen when I least expected it, or to focus on myself and I'd meet someone. I never thought I'd be thirty and in the position I'm in.

I downloaded Tinder and I'm sitting here in tears because it all just seems so hard.

Do you have many hobbies? Start doing a few things that help you get over nervousness at meeting new people, including men, without there being any romantic dimension.
Then I'd say meet someone for a date in a daytime type environment, with no pressure, go along with the idea it'll be a one-off and maybe a disaster but who cares.

You don't have to flirt or doing anything other than talk to them as you would anyone else you've just met. As other posters have said, even if it goes terribly you don't have to see a first time date person again. Don't give yourself a hard time over it, just chalk it to experience and move on.

I like the advice to try out some activities that you like the look of with the aim of practicing friendly chat with men. Not looking for a boyfriend.

Once you feel more comfortable with the male of the species then online dating does seem to be the way to go these days. Have a google or perhaps people here can advise the sites that are less about ‘hook ups’ (I know, I sound 1000 years old) and more about relationships if that’s what you want.

You don't have to flirt or doing anything other than talk to them as you would anyone else you've just met

I could do that.

I have got slightly better at talking to men socially, especially because all of my friends have boyfriends or husbands. I don't work with any men at all.

You can read up on flirting but you can also just forget about it and be friendly.
Kissing will come to you as will the other stuff.
I've known men reach their mid thirties having never kissed.

Flirting is just eye contact held a split second longer than normal, and being yourself. No big secret to it!

Go to all your friends' weddings. It's a common place for singles to meet other singles.

Don’t worry about flirting. Just forget about it and just be interested in the other person. And when it comes to dating, it’s fun because it’s a chance to meet a person and find out more about them. Even if you don’t want to date each other, it’s just nice meeting people. I would just view it light heartedly that way and it helps with any embarrassment.

Forget flirting. Just be friendly - you're good at that. You must be, you have friends and you seem lovely.

Join match.com right now! Also - join the dating thread on here

Strongly advise you to swerve any men who 'respect' your 'chaste woman' status ie fetishize your virginity

I would join a dating agency (borrow the money) and let them help you a bit in terms of choosing/setting up dates. It does cost a lot more than if you do it yourself, but you sound like you could do with the reassurance of someone else helping with the process. Just an idea anyway.

“Strongly advise you to swerve any men who 'respect' your 'chaste woman' status ie fetishize your virginity hmm”

Ha yes! This. I hadn’t exactly sown my wild oats but that wasn’t the big attraction for my now husband.

I like the weddings suggestion above. They’re a great way to chat to lots of people men and women your age and have fun and a few drinks (if you do) and a dance. And who knows where that might lead. If nothing else it widens your circle of friends.

Just pretend that they are a women?

I met my husband on match.com years and years ago. I don't think Tinder etc. was about then.

I had never been on a proper date with anyone before meeting my DH, and have social anxiety so found the idea of going into a pub/ cinema/ night club/ restaurant terrifying.

It was all luck of course but my DH is absolutely the find of the century as far as I'm concerned.

We emailed quite a lot before meeting up, and from the first time we met in person we've been inseparable really.

I know there are a lot more apps now, and I definitely think it is worth a go - especially as you can see if you connect with these people with messages first and never have to actually meet any of them IRL if you don't want to.

Good luck!

I like weddings! I've always liked a night out and dancing.

It just seemed like whenever my friends and I were all out, we'd be dancing or at the bar and they'd gradually somehow end up shifting some bloke and I'd be standing on my own

1. Stay off tinder. It won’t do your confidence any good!
2. Pick a good friend who is ‘good’ at talking to men / getting a boyfriend. Study them closely, their body language, how they use their hands, the questions they ask. Experiment with ‘being like them’.
3. In due course, (when you have chatted to some men using techniques from 2.) think about match.com or Guardian Soulmates.

You sound lovely, you’ll be fine, men are just people , but not the woman sort.

I was 29 and had never had a boyfriend when I met my DH, we’re now 7 years, 2 kids, one wedding and a mortgage down the line.
I spent a lot of my twenties worrying about it, feeling to shy to speak to men. Aboutbs year before we met I made the decision not to wait around for a man and started doing all the things I wanted to do by myself - restaurants, gigs, theatre, mini breaks etc. That gave me so much more confidence in myself, and put me in a really good headspace when we met (online).

Best thing ever to start feeling comfortable with guys is to join dance sessions like salsa or Ceroc. You are learning a beautiful and even sexy activity and in the class scenario they rotate the partners all the time. Salsa is incredibly sexy too.

When I go (Ceroc), I can't stop smiling all evening, i have made male friends, I am no longer afraid to touch a guy and can't wait to the next session.

Or there are also dance nights which are for over 30s where u can dance any style u like and a lot of people come on their own.

None of the above requires a partner and I know people who met through dancing and carry on dancing.

Online dating is good. Also activity classes. I met my dp at a martial arts class.

@glassheart...

I met my husband at ceroc 15 years ago😀

@redeyetonowheregood
Great reference

I would love to learn salsa myself next.

I met my husband at Salsa..9 years, 2 sets of twins later we are still very happy. My cousin is very shy and quiet and has quite a solitary job. She met her fiance at parkrun. I echo what others have said about paid for online dating. My brother is looking for a long term relationship and says that there are more serious people on Match etc rather than tindr. You are absolutely not to old. Lots of my friends are just settling down now, I'm 36 (and a primary school teacher so know about the lack of men there too well!)

You sound a little like my friend :)
One thing I noticed that is different between us when we are out is that she doesn't smile very much, or make eye contact with strangers.
Not that she is unfriendly at all but I'll grin at a bloke if his mate is dancing like a loon or cheers a random at the bar. I get 'approached' a lot but she doesn't. I'm certainly not better looking than her so I think it's down to being a bit more friendly and open to the people outside my circle