What can your 3 yo do? Parents evening feedback

[SleepingStandingUp]

So parents evening yesterday. We know DH is behind on everything compared to probably all of his class. That's OK, he was prem, he had 18 months in and out of hospital, long term o2 and a few wonky chromosome bits. Nursery said he's come along but the gap between him and his peers is the same size so for instance he's not potty trained yet, isn't speaking properly etc.

So I need to do more to get him up to speedand that is on me, not him, as he's awesome.

So can I ask what your 3 yo / going up to reception in September kids can do regards self care, communication and personal skills??

My DD was 3 in October so will be in reception Sept 2020. She can go to the toilet by herself, is currently learning to dress herself (struggles with tights, starting zips, buttons) she can communicate her needs fairly well and can write her name, is learning letters and numbers.

My son was the complete opposite by reception he was able to go to the toilet by himself but was struggling to dress himself, his communication wasn’t as great. He took longer to meet all his milestones, he’s in high school now and still finds things tougher but he gets there in the end.

Please don’t feel too much pressure to fill those gaps, all kids are different and will get there in their own time.

My DD was 3 in December she can mostly dress herself, out on her shoes and coat, goes to the toilet on her own, tidies up her toys, can count to 20, starting to learn letters etc.

My eldest could not even speak a proper sentence when he was 3, wouldn't potty train or dress himself. He's now 7 and is above average at school so he soon caught up. Please don't worry or put any pressure on yourself on your little one every child is different.

My son can now talk in sentences but he's only recently learned that. He will sometimes use the toilet but for the most part he tells me he's frightened of it so needs a lot of encouragement.

I'm not concerned. He tends to do things about 9 months after everyone else and always has.

I remember you from the toddler threads
DS will be 3 in April,
He's potty trained and takes himself off to the toilet by himself at nursery though I do remind him at home.
Can half dress/undress himself...can do socks, pants, trousers and coat but can't do top and jumper.
Washes himself and does his teeth with help.
Speaks in full sentences.

He's a bit precocious and will tell anyone whose interested any letters/numbers/facts he learnt from cartoons...

BUT he still sleeps in the middle of our bed and I still haven't managed to night wean him, oh and his default setting when a toy annoys him is still to chuck it across the living room in a temper. He's an angel with other DC but he does hit me, DH or DM sometimes.

So I guess what I'm saying is all DC have their foibles/things that worry their parents.

If there's a big difference maybe consider deferring for a year and give him another year in nursery especially as he was prem. it can make all the difference.

Agree with Iggy, I have deferred my August born, she was meant to start reception in September but instead will be staying in nursery an extra year. She is mildly delayed compared to her peers but I've seen with my older children how test focused school has become so decided to give her an extra year to really catch up.

I think we're running a bit late for deferral but I had considered it.

He can wash and dry his hands but teeth etc he doesn't like so won't try. He feeds himself and will tell me what he wants for tea. Hates getting his head wet.

He does do some full sentences - "Mams phone. It's broken. Put it in the bin and buy a new one", "GP to the shop and buy a RandomSkidsCharacter BookMagazineToyOutfit" etc. But isn't good on why questions, like why did you do X and tends to just repeat a stock sentence focusing n something else.

Sings nursery rhymes, can fill in missing words and largely recognises the sound words like Splosh/Splosh, Agh/Ahh etc in his favourite books. Counts to 21 but he can do to 30 when he concentrates. Hates writing, doesn't draw so much as scribble but if you say "draw X" he'll draw something less scribbbly. Knows his shapes but gets muddled on hexagon, pentagon etc.

But he isn't toilet trained and shows no awareness. Can take trousers, socks and nappy off, shoes off, coat off if unzipped. Struggles with on.
Has no friends although he is getting ore interested and will say hello and touch them.
Can't read although as I said he has memorised some books and picture recognises certain words like Splash, Wow but only in the context of that partic book.

Knowing what all the others do and not having to ask at the school gates helps, thanks

I think we need to push him to be more independent ie dressing but he's still imp a baby and I guess cos of his history etc we have babied him

My eldest started reception last year and the guidance we were given was that they should be able to recognise their name, go to the toilet, dress with a bit of help (for PE) and anything else was a bonus! They go right back to basics in terms of writing/reading/counting.

My youngest is 4 in May and starts reception in Sept. Academically and physically she's great; writes her full name, counts, rides a bike, talks a lot with a varied vocabulary...

Emotionally she's still very young and I worry about her starting school, plus she has some speech problems.

If I were in your position, I think I'd seriously consider deferring for a year. A year makes a huge difference. Even in my daughter's class you see a big difference in the kids who have turned 5 already and the ones who aren't 5 until the summer.

He does recognise his name out of a big group of names most of the time and out of a small group 100%. He just can't write it.

SEN weren't worried about him starting reception when we spoke a month ago, but nursery just think he's behind on everything

His shapes knowledge sounds amazing. Children go to school to learn how to read. That is when they are suppose to learn to read.

Have you taught him the trick where they put their coat upside down on the floor to put it on.

They are all so different.
In terms of self care, my dd was toilet trained at 20 months, can dress herself but not do buttons. She can do zips. She brushes her own teeth and washes her own hair...
But she can't sing nursery rhymes! Your son sounds fine.

DS is 3 since September he can
-go the toilet unaided

• get bottom half undressed and dressed
• struggling with taking tops off 😂

-put shoes on -speech is great, he chats about all sorts.

• tidies up (sometimes😂)

-count to 20 -starting to look at letters (letter m is the obsession At the moment)

• can spell his name ( but obvs it’s just learnt off)

-Can put on and off the tv and dvds 😂 -brushed teeth and let’s me check.

That’s it I think.

Have you taught him the trick where they put their coat upside down on the floor to put it on
The what now??

He can put it on backwards lol

Struggle a bit with tops as his o2 tunes get in the way

Oh if working the X Box to change a DVD or find YouTube in Nanny's phone is a skill, he's acing it lol

I would defer if you can OP. School is fairly brutal for year one onwards (IME) and I genuinely think expects far too much of ALL children. Therefore the summer borns truly have a hill to climb in terms of what they do.

I don't mean in reception - where there is basically a play based approach. But if he still isn't quite at the making friends stage + other delays - I would just give him that extra year.

Don't just think about reception - is he likely to struggle once they are in year one and doing a lot of formal learning - it leaves no space or time for the littler ones to catch up socially - even the head at our school said that to me.

My youngest son was 3 last week and can:

• talk nearly as well as my very bright 5-yr old
• recognise almost a smnay shapes as me
• count to 20 and do basic maths like 3 + 1, 5 + 5 etc
• dress himself if I leave clothes out
• recognise his name and about half the letters of the alphabet
• sing every nursery rhyme known to humankind
• feed himself very efficiently

He can’t:

• seem to get the hang of potty training 🙄
• recognise any words other than his and his brother’s name
• say sorry when he’s done something wrong
• control his emotions at all!!

And that’s fine. I guess what I’m saying is, don’t put too much pressure on yourself to “catch him up”. I hate this phrase but it’s true that there’s a very wide range of normal at this age!

I'm waiting I na call back from the SEN lead.

He started nursery in the March rather than the previous September so just blefroe he turned 3 in the May. He moved up to Nursery 2 in the Nov instead of Sept to give him a bit more time.

I just worry that because of his EHCP and finding for full time 121 that I can't undo it and delay him because it'll screw up his 121 finding

There’s such a wide variety at 3! My current 3 yr old, starting reception in Sept, is out of nappies, dry at night, needs help getting onto toilet (lazy and wants help rather than needs it), she’s terrible at brushing her teeth so I do it, very good speech (technically and comprehension and vocabulary) but a toddler slur and lisp. Dummy at night but I’m sure we can get rid easily. Feeds herself and can clean up after herself if she would stop tantrumming about it! She’s started drawing identifiable things rather than scribbles. Can count items to 10 and the like.

Her 4 yr old sister at 3 was far far more independent and capable, and is just a competent type of person by nature.

Her 6 yr old brother was less competent than her at 3. Not as good speech, drawing, no maths understanding, very dependent for getting dressed etc. But he’s well able for everything now and performs well in general.

Give your little fellow a chance. 3 is an awkward age and some kids hang on to being a baby with their claws while some jump as fast as possible into being a child creating a big gap in ableness if this age group.

He can do simple sums like 2+3 etc, born of a Numberblkcks addiction lol

I think it's the "natural gap" in abilities that's making me second guess.
I wonder about his endurance will full days but is that because he's additional needs or PFB?

And I know I'm projecting as I was top set in everything all through primary and went to the local grammer school and even at 37 was upset when I got 78 in a Uni assignment

I agree with others - it's fine to work on improving his skills, but IME you can't force it if he's not ready.

In your position I would be working on the proviso that things may not have improved massively before he starts school, and plan for that - so look at deferring, or look at applying for an EHCP so he'll receive extra support once he starts school. At the VERY least, once you've received his school place you need to be in contact with the school early on to inform them of his needs and plan for extra support for him from day 1.

Under He's at a s hook nursery and his EHCP names the current school so the intention is he will stay where he is. They're recruit for a full time 121 for September for his physical needs but have tried to cut down the 121 tutoring to Foster more independence and relationships with his peers.
We have a decent relationship with the SEN lady, they do a transition into nursery and speech therapy visits Inn school albeit rarely

This is the coat trick
m.youtube.com/watch?v=NHS7W0NnGwA

3 year olds have parents evening now?

I shall put all my coats on like that in future

I would absolutely get the call rolling for deferral in your shoes.

My son is 3, turning 4 in May. Speech delay, social and communication difficulties. Possible ASD. Still not potty trained I’m deferring him because I think he’ll flounder in Reception this year.