What does “work at a marriage” actually mean?

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I hear people use the phrase all the time “In order to stay happy together, you can’t just sit back - you have to WORK at a marriage”..... but what does that actually entail? What does that actually mean? What specifically does it mean doing? Also surely if you are having to spend all this time trying to WORK at staying together you aren’t actually that suited and probably should have never got together?

Plus, if you live together, have DC together and both work full time, you end up just managing life - work, running DC about, laundry, look after elderly family etc your entire time is taken up just trying to juggle everything and not drop any of the balls.

When is this additional “work” we are also meant to be doing going to fit into the day? Paid work (in order to buy food/lodging etc), DC, having a hygienic house ie housework and caring for elderly relatives all have to be a much higher priority than everything else and will take up all your waking hours. So all the people with the “work at a marriage” comments when do you have the time to devote to this, whatever “it” actually is?

I think if your marriage requires hard work then maybe you're not with the best person for you? Life can be hard work but my marriage with DH is easy, thank God.

I thought I was good at relationships..however my exDH thought otherwise ....and killed our communication stone dead.

He's admitted as much, rather too matter of factly for my liking.

I think relationships are about give and take, wanting contentment for your partner.
Some people just make way too many withdrawals from the goodwill bank they've neglected to deposit in.

I guess I'd say it's more about effort and goodwill than work per se.

It's not so much work as putting in a bit of effort and not just doing what you want all the time. I am constantly suprised by the selfishness displayed by of some of our friends (both men and women)and that their marriages survive.
Compromise, kindness and caring for each other.
It's when you argue, not saying the most hurtful thing you can just to score a point or get the upper hand. Once you've said something like that it can never be unsaid and can taint the relationship.
We are 40 years in and still very happy. I'll never find another like him and neither will he

Time together. We have one Friday a month off together whilst the DC are at school/nursery.

Star that's lovely 😊