Controlled crying- how to ignore the haters?

[Albamahanna]

Controlled crying seems to divide parents. Those who don't believe or agree with it are often very forthright in making these views heard (in my experience). So to those of you who have used controlled crying, how do you ignore/disbelieve the negative opinions? When your babies crying how do you stop yourself letting any doubt in? How do you stay assured that you're doing the right thing?

I don't want this to be a debate about whether controlled crying is right or wrong I think that's been done enough- so if you don't agree with it then this isn't the place to share it.

Weeelllll..... First of all I wouldn't start a thread on Mumsnet about it.

Having a different opinion does not a hater make.

@Albamahanna god help you OP, I got flamed last night on here for asking about co sleeping.

Good question OP, I think it having your partner on-side and involved is crucial, for me it was. It was reassuring that it was a joint decision and I had DH's backing. I had a method I wanted to try and had done the reading and then I think you just have to go for it and have the courage of your convictions.

People will always judge, judged other mothers for it at first, I admit, and I ended up doing it myself!

Trust me, you will feel most smug when it works, your child sleeps and is rested and happier during the day and you are no dreading the night time.

With any criticism you just have to rise above it. Perhaps having a few clear phrases in your mind or state facts about cortisone levels etc. Or simply say, we're the parents and this is our decision so it doesn't incite further comments!

Good luck - it's not pleasant but it's worth it!

Well this is going to go well ...

Something else that helped me was me telling myself that it was an important life skill I was teaching DS and that it always seems worse than it is at the time.

I know of several kids who haven't had CC and they still struggle to sleep at aged 3 as DS is now and he's been sleeping well since 6 months (As have I) so I know I did right thing!

I’m a nanny and I’ve sleep trained all my babies with controlled crying. Your doing what’s right for you and your child.

Don't tell people.
That's the only way

Every family is different and what works for some parents won’t work for others. I struggled emotionally when DD was little and controlled crying kept me sane. I would not have been a good mother to her without it and she would have struggled to sleep. She’s grown up absolutely fine, a really lovely affectionate girl - and a bloody good sleeper!

For most parenting decisions, do your own research, draw up your plans and just don't tell other people.

We tried to get DS to sleep 'happily' for months. We'd spend hours every night rocking, patting shushing, swaying, singing, on and on and on and FUCKING on. He still cried, and eventually passed out with exhaustion. At which point we were knackered, stressed and had no evening left.

We decided to leave him to cry for two minutes at a time and see if it worked. He was asleep in less than 30 minutes the first night, and after 3 days took fives minutes of whining to out himself off. It was so much better for him and us. I felt like I'd been hoodwinked by the attachment parent brigade.

Within a week, he was a changed child. I was better rested. My mental and physical health improved. Our relationship improved. If that wasn't good for DS, I don't know what is. One of the best parenting decisions I've made.

Well I guess if you and your partner agree it is Ok, then the trick is not to go on about it to all and sundry.....Oh hang on!

Don't discuss it on the internet, for one. People are so sanctimonious online.

Your child needs sleep. You need sleep. If other stuff doesn't work, you do cc and get some sleep.

You must know deep down that the people talking about how it causes permanent damage are talking complete crap. And if you don't, 10 minutes of research will reassure you.

Just don’t discuss it until a month later when you can smile smugly when asked how you’re baby sleeps and why you don’t look nearly dead.

Don't post on mn
Don't discuss with others
Simple really

CC didn’t work with our DC1 to the point that she was choking on sobs. CC worked beautifully with DC2. Just know that what works for one child won’t necessarily work for another. 🌷

If you are confident in your choices you don't need to worry about others. If you have still doubts maybe you aren't actually sure about your decisions. I'm anti-cc and there is nobody who can make me doubt my choice. I get irritated by other people questioning my choices or trying to push cc but I don't ever doubt myself.

By not telling the "haters"?

Don't start threads on MN.
Don't tell others what you're doing.
Just get on with it and do whatever works.

The fact that you'll have a sleeping child and you and they aren't exhausted all day is proof in itself.

That said as a PP said it doesn't work for every child (only 2 out of my 3, although it did work with the first too to a degree).

How do you tell if CC isn't working for your child?

They keep crying and crying and don't go to sleep. If they are crying intensely and only finally sleeping through sheer exhaustion, IMO that's not working. The aim is to help them learn to self settle, not for them to son themselves to sleep every night. The first week or so may be tough but it should get easier relatively quickly (worked for me in 2-3 days).

Listen to the pitch of the cry- is it getting worse or petering out? It won't work immediately and at first there will be an uptick in intensity but after the first couple of horrendous nights there may still be a little bit of crying/whining, but on a downwards trajectory with the noise getting quieter and less intense. Eventually if you're lucky you don't have any of that and they just go to sleep when you out them down. Then when they cry, you know they're crying for a reason other than 'I don't want to be in bed', in which case you respond accordingly.

Why have you told anyone you’re doing it?

If you have hour after hour of screaming/they get increasingly agitated when you go in/they develop an aversion to their cot then imo it’s not working.

I sleep trained DD at 7 months (and was pretty rigorous about “sleep hygiene” before then). I’m very glad I did, looking around at her peer group now and seeing the difference in sleep with some of them who’ve not been sleep trained (not that I’d say so out loud). She was recently in hospital overnight - loud bright ward, frequent prodding, but DD had her sleeping bag, bottle and bunny, and slept through (unlike her parents).

How do you tell if CC isn't working for your child?
Your baby will cry.

Oh, wait...

How do you tell if CC isn't working for your child?

And that, in a nutshell, is why I won't use it. Is your child learning you won't come or are they learning to sleep? Who knows, flip a coin.