Controlled crying- how to ignore the haters?

[Albamahanna]

Controlled crying seems to divide parents. Those who don't believe or agree with it are often very forthright in making these views heard (in my experience). So to those of you who have used controlled crying, how do you ignore/disbelieve the negative opinions? When your babies crying how do you stop yourself letting any doubt in? How do you stay assured that you're doing the right thing?

I don't want this to be a debate about whether controlled crying is right or wrong I think that's been done enough- so if you don't agree with it then this isn't the place to share it.

And that, in a nutshell, is why I won't use it. Is your child learning you won't come or are they learning to sleep? Who knows, flip a coin.

But you don't ignore every cry...I certainly didn't. I learnt to interpret his cries-some were 'I don't want to be in bed despite being exhausted' cries, and basically to that, the answer is it's bedtime and as your parent I'm ensuring you get what you need, but other cries- illness, teething, nightmares are all responded to and dealt with appropriately. Not everyone who does CC is heartless, most are doing it as they believe it's the best thing for their child. It certainly was for mine.

Tried it with my first without success.
He would cry and cry and eventually fall asleep hiccuping and sleep sobbing, only to wake 45 mins later and have to start the whole thing again (which I did) but after a week or so I stopped. Tried several times over the years out of desperation but never made progress.

Second dc was totally different and responded within a couple of days of 10 minute protesting.

My first still needs me at bedtime and at night and is 7 years old now. My 2 year old is much more independent with sleep. A lot is down to personality.

The forthrightness as you put it of people who object to the method comes from the desire to attend to the needs of the vulnerable (ie the babies left crying) when their own parents are not. This provokes strong feelings.

muddy I wish I'd seen these people with a desire to step in and deal with my dc in the middle of night! Sadly they were nowhere to be seen.
OP people have strong views about many baby issues and often have poor boundaries when it comes to keeping their views to themselves or passing judgment. Smile and ignore.

I did cc with my first and she took so well to it. First night she cried for somewhere in the region of 45mins (with me going in at intervals). 2nd night she cried for 6mins. After that no crying it was fabulous. She was 9m btw.
That was 3 years ago and all over read about since is the permanent damage you do and how your child won't trust you and thinks you won't come when they cry. I got myself all wrked up that I didn't want to do cc with DD2 but she's been another terrible sleeper. I've co-slept but she'd still wake every hour wanting a feed and tbh I just can't relax when co-sleeping so husband said we had to try cc. While thinking about it I realised dd1 totally trusts me and if she wakes during the night now she'll shout for me and I'll go to her and she knows i will. She is not scared from cc.
So now I'm on night 4 with DD2. Night 1 she cried for 36 mins (including me going in for intervals), night 2 she cried for 8, night 3 she didn't cry at all and tonight she cried for 4 mins. She's 8m, she doesn't sleep through she still has two night time feeds but I'm happy with this, I can sleep in my own bed and she doesn't wake every hour.
Don't tell people you're doing cc. There's no need. Just get on and enjoy the sleep

Derich what a strange thing to say. Do you think any strangers helped me when my babies were up in the night? Doesn’t mean it would have been better to leave them to cry.

I had a similar experience to funtimespeople and I found it more exhausting as DS would wake, scream and be beside himself and wouldn't actually go back to sleep. He has forced himself to stay awake till past 1am before now.

Then at 2, after being cuddled to sleep, held til being in a deep sleep and needing me there to hold all night... Just went and got in bed and dropped off, slept for 13 hours solid, and (illness /teething aside) still does reliably a few months later. Sleep was developmental for him.

I don't judge anyone who does it, it does work, just not for my ds.

Calling a group of people who have a different opinion to you haters is childish and pathetic
It can be made even more pathetic by use of a Z. Haterz

For most parenting decisions, do your own research, draw up your plans and just don't tell other people.

A thousand times this.

Is that where you put the child to bed and ignore them until they fall asleep? Genuine question people here have names for everything. If that is what controlled crying is I think it's grand but potentially unnecessary if your baby doesn't feed to get to sleep. I always put dd in her cot when she was awake so she didn't know any different.

Is that where you put the child to bed and ignore them until they fall asleep?

No, that is called 'cry it out' and IMO is neglect. Cc is when you out the child down and then go in at intervals to reassure them but not get them out of the cot etc.

It's great that you had a child that you could put down whilst awake, genuinely MumUnderTheMoon DS would have (and did) bring the roof down screaming, he would poo himself with the force of being annoyed/stress/upset at being put in the cot still awake. Some babies don't feed to sleep, some do. It depends how young they are. CC isn't recommended until a baby is over 6 months. I tried (briefly) at 9 months, then 12 months, then 16 months. None of my attempts had the desired effect.