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Original poster

Are you still good friends with your university friends?

79 replies

Willowdenedixon · 25/02/2019 18:04

Wondering if I’m unusual in that I haven’t really kept in touch with anyone from my uni days nor did I ever have a big gang of mates when I was there?
Everyone else I knowseems to have met their closest friends during this time of their life who are all now their bridesmaids, children’s godmother, etc.
While I did plenty of socialising, most were friends for that particular time only, I knew them from different places, so they weren’t one big gang and I don’t really look back on these days as ‘the glory days’.
Anyone else?

OP posts:
BlueSkiesLies · 25/02/2019 21:48

Yeah some of them.

Not the course or hall buddies.

But my team mates+ are still my core friendship group despite 10+ years and no longer living in our uni city.

BlueSkiesLies · 25/02/2019 21:49

I’m not in touch with anyone from school. I didn’t really have any real or nice friends at school.

TrainSong · 25/02/2019 21:55

Not really. I'm in touch with a couple. One was my bridesmaid and I still love her dearly, chat on FB but though we live very close to each other and similar interests, we only meet up about once or twice a year. She has a very close knit set of mum friends I don't know and she hangs out with them mostly.
The other I got in touch with not long ago, He was my best-friend-at-uni's ex. She and I fell out for good decades ago, I got in touch with him because we have a shared problem in common which I thought he'd handled brilliantly and I wanted his advice. He was lovely and helpful and we got on, so we've stayed in touch, but again, on FB and we only meet in real life once or twice a year.

SueGeneris · 25/02/2019 22:04

Not me! I felt like a failure because I didn't meet my 'friends for life' at university. It wasn't a great time for me. I didn't really meet anyone I clicked with so felt very lonely. The silver lining was that one of my housemates was from the city my dad moved to at the end of the first year. She introduced me to some of her friends there, one of whom I ended up marrying and others from that group have remained good friends and we have settled in that area, which feels like home even though it isn't where I grew up.

In my 40s with kids and work I don't get enough time with any friends, I find, and it's hard to get to know people so well when you make new friends, because you see less of each other than you might have done aged 20. I am making an effort to try to change that when I meet people I really like.

Milicentbystander72 · 25/02/2019 22:15

I left school over 30 years ago. I had a great group of friends at school. I'm still friends with about 4 of them, but mainly through fb/WhatsApp although we manage to meet up every few years or so.

One school friend (who was my sisters friend) as become so close to our whole family she's included in our family WhatsApp group, her dcs are our god-daughters, she's always around in special occasions and it utterly loyal and dependable and we all love her. (I realise this is unusual)

At uni I met another great group of friends. We were massively close and did everything together. We stayed in touch a few years after. One, I stayed in touch with after I had kids because she had them too in the same city.....but my kids are teens now and I'm not really properly in touch with any uni friends.

When my dcs were babies I met another great group of friends. 10+ years on were still pretty close and are planning a weekend away together soon.

Along the way I've met other random friends who are my closest - one friend at a part time job in a bookshop. 22 years on and still going strong.

So, basically yes I've made great friends at uni but they haven't completely lasted the course. I enjoyed uni and wouldn't have missed it for the world but I think I'd fall short of describing them as the best years of my life.

opinionatedfreak · 25/02/2019 23:36

Definitely still in touch with Uni friends.

Just been visiting some this weekend. Another is coming to stay tomorrow.

I graduated 2001.

Original poster
Willowdenedixon · 26/02/2019 06:14

SueGeneris, I would say my experience was pretty much the same- I never properly clicked with anyone to develop a true friendship and I never really felt like I was being ‘myself’ (that didn’t come to much later). I always felt quite lonely, as everyone seemed to be meeting their soulmates, but I was always just floating or tagging along. I did socialise, and generally wasn’t stuck in my room, but as I said mainly passing acquaintances, like we worked on a project or were in a club together. I also never lived with good friends in a house share. I’m in my late 30s now, but still sometimes feel like I missed out on some rites of passage as I didn’t have the big gang from that time.

OP posts:
Littlepond · 26/02/2019 06:21

I have one friend from uni. It wasn’t the easiest time for me and I didn’t really have many friends while there - I lost a whole group when a boy broke my heart and all our mutual friends sided with him and stopped talking to me.

I wish I’d never bothered with university. Certainly not the best years of my life and left me with lots of insecurities and mental health problems.

Even the one friend I have isn’t the healthiest relationship, we met under odd circumstances and both have mental health issues. We don’t live close, thankfully, as I think we’d be really bad for each other if we did Sad

SnuggyBuggy · 26/02/2019 06:26

I didn't keep in touch with everyone but have a small group who I try to meet up with regularly and keep in touch with. Married one of them Smile and had the others in the wedding party.

My school years were very negative and though I don't blame my classmates it's better for my mental health to not have contact.

I also found attempting to build friendships as an adult to be a really difficult and disappointing experience so I'm glad I have friends from those days. Now I'm at the mum friend stage and I'm hoping at least some of those friendships will last.

AppleReader · 26/02/2019 06:33

I'm watching with interest, because I'm still a student with one more year to go. I suspect I'll probably stay close to only about 2 or 3 and have accepted that. I have one friend graduating this year who wants to live and work abroad, and while we probably won't always talk about the "deep" stuff, we both love writing and have similar writing styles, so will still have that connection.

henry27 · 26/02/2019 06:35

It's pretty much tough to be in touch in person but yes social media helps a lot in maintaining at least a formal relationship with then favorite people. Almost everyone is trying to keep up the pace with life, but still, a weekend poke from yesteryear's mates still bring a smile.

junebirthdaygirl · 26/02/2019 06:59

Still friends with my university gang. Meet each one on their own during the year a few times and a big meet up altogether at least once a year. Ongoing whatapp chat .
Graduated in 1982!!
Now our families are reared and some starting to retire we have more time to meet. We are scattered throughout the country.
But l only have one friend from school and my other group of friends are from my early flatsharing days years ago. We still live in same area and are in regular contact.
I have lots of work colleagues and people lve met along the way since but no real close friends from that.

Adversecamber22 · 26/02/2019 08:51

I stayed in touch a lot with some friends from University and we went to each other’s weddings. I remember jumping on the train after work on a Friday to go out for the night on the spur of the moment, just a 100 mile round trip. However once everyone started having dc it just became a lot harder. Plus geographically we are in London, Nottingham. Sydney, Southampton, Birmingham.

So really things fizzled out in mid to late thirties, still do Christmas cards and msg sometimes. I have made local friends, I still fondly remember us thinking we were Charlie’s angels on the way to a ball if we had a reunion it would still be great but I culture my local friends,. When I was ill one brought a home made cottage pie round for me. I took one to the hospital when she needed an operation and helped her out post op. Its different stages of life, I will never forget climbing through an upstairs window to dodge paying the charge to get in the students union with lets call her Sarah but I can’t just nip out for a coffee with her this Sunday.

DarlingNikita · 26/02/2019 12:36

Only a very few, and my DP, who I met not at uni per se but in my uni city through a uni friend. (tired of typing 'uni' now! Sorry there's so many).

I also had the best friend of my life in those days (which WERE my glory days, sad to say). But he inexplicably cut contact when I left that city to move to London and I've never heard from him since. I loved him and I still do and I still miss him.

BobbinThreadbare123 · 26/02/2019 12:53

Not really from undergrad days, as a lot were male due to my subject. More from postgrad days. I enjoyed uni but I wish I had made more of societies etc. I didn't have any financial backing from parents though, unlike most of the people I met.

MrsJBaptiste · 26/02/2019 13:37

I graduated 20 years ago and although most of my Uni friends live in the same city, we only see each other 2-3 times a year. I think some of them meet up more regularly but that’s fine as some of them were friends from school before we ended up at the same Uni. Although we don’t see each other that often when we do, we have the best time reminiscing about everything we got up to back then. There are some things only we want to talk about as we were quite [ahem] raucous in our pasts…

I still see a few friends from school, amazing that we’ve known each other for over 30 years now. We only meet up once or twice a year but it’s never awkward and we always have a great time, helped by the fact our OHs get on and are happy to go out for drinks together and leave us to chat!

As for mum friends, I’d class these as my best friends. We’ve known each other for 15 years and see each other all the time - coffee, nights out, weekends away - and there are constant whatsapp messages from various groups. The kids don’t see each other much any more as they all went off to different schools but we’ve stayed in touch as we only live 5 mins away from one another.

purpleweasel · 26/02/2019 13:41

No contact with school friends, or uni friends, no "mum" friends...but met my husband and one of my four close friends during uni (socially, nothing to do with uni!). I think you meet people at different stages of life; some you are able to carry with you and some you leave behind.

Mugglemom · 26/02/2019 15:36

I'm exactly the same, OP! Glad to hear I'm not alone in this.

Fishwifecalling · 26/02/2019 15:40

Yes with one group of friends. We meet up a couple of times a year and our friendship has lasted 34 years.
I stayed in touch with another group for 10 years or so, but gradually lost touch over time.

havingtochangeusernameagain · 26/02/2019 15:50

I met my husband doing a postgraduate course, does that count :)

The friends I would consider my best friends, although they are not really close, are all from uni days and I do keep in touch with a few people and see them occasionally. But they are all from my years overseas (although one is British, we met in Germany and she now lives there).

I also have one friend who I met commuting! But she lives in Australia now so we only see each other once every 2-3 years.

NorthEndGal · 26/02/2019 15:56

Our gang from grade school and highschool are all still friends, 20 odd years later. We are spread out , but we make the effort to keep in touch and still meet up when ever we can

Fuckedoffat48b · 26/02/2019 19:07

The odd one here and there but not the big group of friends I had when I was there. Long story short, one of my best friends and housemates slept with my boyfriend at the time and ended up keeping the bloke but more importantly the friends Sad

bibbitybobbityyhat · 26/02/2019 19:14

I met my best friend at University in 1981. I am having lunch with her on Thursday and I see her every 2 or 3 months. We had our pfbs within 5 months of each other.

Between us we are very much in touch with another group of friends from University ... but we all live far and wide! 2 in the US, 2 in Australia, 2 in Germany etc. There don't seem to be many of us still living in London where we all met. In this regard, Facebook is a wonderful thing!

I am very close to 2 friends from pre-1981 too. I see a lot of them.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 26/02/2019 19:21

I‘m still in touch with some friends I met on my course but we live far apart so meeting up is rare. I‘m closer to my other friends who I met while at uni, but who weren’t studying at the time. Still in frequent contact with many school friends too. My best friends are one from school, one from my non-Uni social circle, and two I met 11 years ago when I moved abroad.

TheTurnOfTheScrew · 26/02/2019 19:35

I have just two friends from university - one from undergrad, one from postgrad.
I have three schoolfriends I still see as well, although none of us still lives in or even visits our home town. TBH I am not very good with big groups, and while I did knock about with a bigger group at university I was very much a fringe member.