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Original poster

Housing situation

34 replies

cocomelon23 · 22/02/2019 16:10

I have a 9 year old ds. He lives with me half the time. I live with dp. Dp has a 21 year old ds and 17 year old dd. They live with their dm.
Their dm is moving abroad next year which leaves a question over where dsd and dss will live. Me and dp live in a 2 bed house so currently have no room. We can afford to move to a 3 bed house but not a 4 bed house. Obviously dsd would have to live with us as she will still be in education. Dss has had a full time job for a couple of years so does have money. He also has a gf that lives with him at his mums so she will also need somewhere to live.
They are expecting to live with us even though we have told them we can't afford a 4 bed house. They don't want to rent as they see it as wasting money plus they wouldn't be able to save for a house deposit. They could possibly get a small mortgage but aren't prepared to live in a small flat. They want a garage/parking etc.

Is there an obvious answer to this? Dss is now very withdrawn and depressed and very worried about this situation.

OP posts:
BitchQueen90 · 22/02/2019 16:46

Can DSS and his girlfriend live with her parents? Could you afford somewhere bigger if he contributes more money to the household?

If neither is possible then they will have to move into their own place. They are adults and responsible for their own housing.

IndianaMoleWoman · 22/02/2019 16:54

You are not responsible for housing a 22 year old and their partner. They need to start saving for a deposit on a rental.

Original poster
cocomelon23 · 22/02/2019 16:56

Dss gf parents are separated. Her dad lives abroad and her mum gets housing just for herself with her job.
I feel like the bad guy here. I just don't know the answer.

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Original poster
cocomelon23 · 22/02/2019 16:59

Dss keeps saying that he won't have any kind of a life if all his money goes on bills and he feels at 21 he should be enjoying life. I worry that its going to harm his relationship with dp as he is feeling like we are letting him down. He just will not accept that we can't afford a 4 bed.

OP posts:
Blessingsdragon1 · 22/02/2019 17:01

Touch in all honesty x

Candidsugar · 22/02/2019 17:03

They have a year to save up and get a place of their own. You can’t stretch your finances to accommodate their need to live rent free and who knows what their plans will be in a year or two. Suppose they move out then what was the point of getting a four bed. They have plenty of notice to work out their own housing, maybe suggest this and make it clear from the get go so there’s no expectations that won’t be fulfilled. Next thing you’ll be saying is they’ll be dictating what house you buy.

Tomtontom · 22/02/2019 17:03

Is the mum going to be paying maintenance for the daughter? That could go towards a larger house if it's a decent amount (appreciate it may not be).

I can understand you feeling stuck, but also the (step) son feeling lost as well. Renting is very expensive and his mum is deserting them and leaving you to pick up the pieces.

Original poster
cocomelon23 · 22/02/2019 17:06

The mum won't be paying maintenance as dsd will be 18 and finished a levels by then so no maintenance will be paid. We will be 100% responsible for all dsd expenses.

OP posts:
Redwinestillfine · 22/02/2019 17:08

Look for a 3 bed. Find one with a third bedroom that can be shared by dsd and dss. He of course won't want to do that as he's expecting to move his girlfriend in but that's when he needs to think about what he wants. Is it more important to have free accommodation or freedom? Your DS should have a room to himself and should be reassured this won't impact him.

Candidsugar · 22/02/2019 17:13

What is your DPs opinion on the situation?

Original poster
cocomelon23 · 22/02/2019 17:21

He obviously is very protective of his ds. He thinks we should get a 4 bed for less money that needs work doing to it. He also thinks if we do that then we would have dss live with us but not dss gf. Dss has recently said he's not sure if he wants to live with gf (even though they live together now).

OP posts:
Dothehappydance · 22/02/2019 17:23

Could you get a 3 bed that has a room downstairs that could be used as a bedroom?

Original poster
cocomelon23 · 22/02/2019 17:27

I'm not really sure about a downstairs room. With all those people in the house we wouldn't really want to be without a dining table/dining room.

OP posts:
StillMe1 · 22/02/2019 17:39

What about a 3 bed with the opportunity to extend the ground floor or with the potential to make the attic into a room. If a house had a garage that could be made into a room.
Maybe you could afford a 4 bed in the less costly area
It seems a bit much that the DSC's mum has just decided to up and off the moment the youngest leaves school.

Blueuggboots · 22/02/2019 17:42

I moved out at 22....welcome to the real world kids!!! Renting does cost money and so does everything else!!!!

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/02/2019 17:46

Are DSS and gf expecting to move in and pay you no rent or bills indefinitely, while they work ft and you take on all expenses for DSD? If so I’m afraid they’re having a chuckle.

cocomelon23 · 22/02/2019 17:56

Dss would pay rent but not very much and that wouldn't help with the amount of mortgage we could get in the first place as that will be based on my and dp's income.

cocomelon23 · 22/02/2019 17:57

And also if he moves out in a couple if years we would then be stuck with a big mortgage for no reason

YoghurtTopper · 22/02/2019 17:58

At 22 I had been living by myself for 6 years.

DSS needs to move out. So he won't be able to have as much disposable income, tough shit. In the real world people live within their means.

YoghurtTopper · 22/02/2019 17:59

Name change fail OP.

WitchDancer · 22/02/2019 18:04

In a 3 bedroom house, they'd be one room for you, one for male children and one for female children. If they don't like it then they can move out.

PCohle · 22/02/2019 18:06

I really don't think you are obliged to house a 22 year old. Especially if doing so requires you to spend loads of money just so he can save a bit. Is he expecting to pay you rent to help cover the mortgage?

LeadMeToTheChocolate · 22/02/2019 18:09

I think their mum is a bit cheeky upping and going.... surely she needs to make some provisions for her children?? Can she pay the deposit for dss and gf to rent a flat?

I honestly don’t get her thinking. I’m a single mum and I know it’s hard, she prob thinks now they’re old enough it time for her to live her life.... but really??

I’d look to get a 3 bed property then convert the garage/loft/build a bedroom in the garden.
Or a 4 bed doer upper. Then you’ll have a gorgeous home to enjoy when all the work is done.

dangermouseisace · 22/02/2019 19:40

Sorry but DSS sounds a wee bit entitled. He’s got a full time job and a girlfriend. I can see that it would be more distruptive to the 17 year old, and inconsiderate of the mum for moving at such an important time for her.

DSS and his GF want somewhere with a garage and not a small flat, and don’t want to rent as it is “wasting money”. It wouldn’t be wasting money as it would be ensuring a roof over their heads. I can understand DSS might be withdrawn and down in the dumps, but sometimes life doesn’t go quite as you planned and you have to adjust your expectations. I’ve never had a garage or parking and I’m 42!!

Foonababoonalagoona · 22/02/2019 20:00

I came on to say the exact thing WitchDancer said ... 100%

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