Housing situation

[cocomelon23]

I have a 9 year old ds. He lives with me half the time. I live with dp. Dp has a 21 year old ds and 17 year old dd. They live with their dm.
Their dm is moving abroad next year which leaves a question over where dsd and dss will live. Me and dp live in a 2 bed house so currently have no room. We can afford to move to a 3 bed house but not a 4 bed house. Obviously dsd would have to live with us as she will still be in education. Dss has had a full time job for a couple of years so does have money. He also has a gf that lives with him at his mums so she will also need somewhere to live.
They are expecting to live with us even though we have told them we can't afford a 4 bed house. They don't want to rent as they see it as wasting money plus they wouldn't be able to save for a house deposit. They could possibly get a small mortgage but aren't prepared to live in a small flat. They want a garage/parking etc.

Is there an obvious answer to this? Dss is now very withdrawn and depressed and very worried about this situation.

The thing is. Dss has a deposit already that his grandparents have saved for him for his whole life, so he wouldn't need to save much more at all.
I just don't know how to get him to see this without it turning into him hating us.

You've said you can afford a three bed but not a four bed. Can you sit him down and show him the price difference in your area and the difference that would make on your monthly mortgage outgoings.

Maybe for him saying you can't afford a 4 bed sounds like you're palming him off and if you show him the hard figures he will understand more that you genuinely can't afford it.

Even if he could afford to pay you the difference in rent whilst he's living with you, presumably he won't be prepared to do so for the term of your mortgage.

Could you afford to contribute a little to his deposit as a sign of goodwill - even if it's a fairly token amount?

Thank you all for your comments. We will pit some figures down on paper and show him. This situation is playing on everyone's minds so something needs to be sorted.
He's quite young for his age too, as his mum has always done everything for him. I think that's another reason he doesn't want to move out, he'd have to make his own lunchbox!

If he’s old enough to live with a partner he’s old enough to live somewhere else with her. We all want a garage and parking but unfortunately can’t afford them! He sounds very entitled and tbh your DP needs to give him a bit of a kick up the backside. If he’s already got a deposit he’s doing better than most 22 year olds! Explain to him you start with the small flat and move up as you make more money.

We moved and left behind dd2 who was 19. She had a job and rented. It was a learning curve for her but she has worked hard and got promoted.

Enough pussyfooting around. DSS is being ridiculous & needs to grow up and pay his way.
With a job aged 22 he should be paying for his keep anyway.
I’d love to live for free but unfortunately I’m a grown up & have to pay the bills & mortgage!

Was about to say what LadyRatterley said: DSS is being ridiculously naive and entitled and needs to grow up and take some responsibility. The only advantage of him moving in with you and you getting a bigger house is that he can pay you rent: but I bet he won't like that either. And he will expect you to carry on spoon-feeding him. No no no.

Normally I'd say support him (emotionally) to get his own flat nearby, but in this situation where he is already expressing doubts about his relationship I would be doing everything I could to make sure he doesn't drift (or feel pushed) into finding somewhere with the girlfriend. I think your DH is spot on in just offering him a home with you even if it's just the couch for 6 months.

And definitely set some ground rules, even on the couch he needs to take his turn with the chores and pay nominal board.