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Original poster

Is my baby missing out by not going to nursery?

36 replies

Mmmbopper · 21/02/2019 19:46

I have given up a high pressure job with long commute to stay home with our baby (nearly a year old) for at least the next year and maybe until she's at school, although I'm looking at starting a business longer term.

I know how lucky I am that we can afford to do this (less luxuries). Recently I've heard from mums about how much their babies are enjoying nursery and how relieved they feel and glad about their decision and it made me wonder for the first time if my baby is going to miss out? We do something every day and she'll go to preschool etc when she's older. She is very sociable but also slightly more reserved if that makes sense - so I feel she'd be happiest in a home setting but with lots of play group opportunities. She seems very happy at the moment which is lovely

AIBU to doubt myself all of a sudden? Want to do the best for her!

OP posts:
PurpleLipstickAtHeart · 21/02/2019 19:51

It's so intense being at home all day. I was a better mum because my LO went to nursery.

Mine all got a lot out of it- they did all the messy play, social activities etc.

I got to drop them off somewhere safe and warm and I could practise being an adult again and not just Mum. Don't get me wrong, I did a lot of ironing and cleaning again but it saved my sanity.

UserN0me · 21/02/2019 19:53

No she’s not missing out. She’s very lucky.

People make their decision on childcare etc (usually dictated by money) and then convince themselves it is the absolute best thing for their child (otherwise it would be unbareable to leave them every day).

Don’t listen to them. They should be being more tactful if they know you are a SAHM.

MrsDeanWinchester75 · 21/02/2019 19:56

I didn't have to send mine either but chose to do 2 mornings a week when she turned 3 to ease her into a routine of going somewhere every day and mixing with other children without me.

Within a fortnight she was asking to go more because she loved it so much so i increased it to 4 mornings.

I believe it really helped her in a lot of ways, her behaviour improved, the tantrums lessened and she began to mix with other children more easily.
Academically she improved too, I thought I was doing well at home but she came on in leaps and bounds and transitioned easily when she started reception.

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Childcare & nursery Families
Clawdy · 21/02/2019 19:57

If you're enjoying it, and she's enjoying it, you're doing exactly the right thing. I've had lots of regrets about my life, but being home with the children is one of the few things I can never regret.

Original poster
Mmmbopper · 21/02/2019 20:13

Thanks. I think when she's 2 or 3 she would probably be there part time, I just wonder if it would be good for her right now.

But actually I don't think she is ready quite yet so I shouldn't doubt myself and should enjoy the next year with her!

I get the intense thing though!

OP posts:
ooonicorn · 21/02/2019 20:20

2 year old just started a few mornings a week and loves it. I love it too. Best thing for us right now but don't think she would have got as much out of it any earlier

EssentialHummus · 21/02/2019 20:26

I’m in the same doubt-filled boat with a 17 month old, so I totally get it. I see (with DD) a lot of other babies/toddlers, and I’m very tuned in to whether she’s missing out/whether her little friends are better at this or that. For the moment, and until she’s three or so, I think she’ll be staying with me. Like you we do a lot of activities and social things (along with a zillion weekly trips to the supermarket Smile) and I think it’s the right thing for us.

MrsMcW · 21/02/2019 20:30

If it makes you feel better, my 11 month old started nursery 10 days ago. He has been back at home sick with a fever, rash, diarrhoea and vomiting since Sunday. There is nowhere else he can have caught the bug.

I am hugely regretting putting him in nursery and wish we had the money for me to be a SAHM.

Merchantgirl · 21/02/2019 20:35

I am a SAHM after deciding not to go back to work, DD is 14 months and she goes to nursery half a day a week-she lives it and has really stimulated by it, I’m toying with sending her twice a week but it’s just down to costs-if I get a PT job I’ve applied for I’ll send her for another morning for her development as she’s really sociable (unlike me!)

Original poster
Mmmbopper · 21/02/2019 20:37

@MrsMcW

I'm so sorry and also hope my post isn't insensitive. I know a lot of bugs do go round nurseries; there is also research though that this reduces risk of leukaemia for example. The DC I know that have started nursery recently do seem very happy and well adjusted but I know that's little consolation when you want to be at home with them.

I hope your little boy is much better soon.

We're very lucky but I feel like my post makes us sound rich which we definitely aren't anything like, just fortunate that for various reasons our living costs are quite small

OP posts:
WallisFrizz · 21/02/2019 20:41

My two went to nursery from 1yr old due to my return to work. I am happy with my choice but, in my opinion, nursery Is nothing more than childcare until they are about 2.5. After that, I feel they do actually benefit.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 21/02/2019 20:45

I'm going to say yes. I personally think they do miss out.

I think it's a great opportunity for them to explore the world away from mum and dad allowing independence in building social skills. It's a wonderful chance to mix with children.

It's also good for us as parents. People seem to forget that as parents, we need time away from our children as much as they need time away from us.

MrsMcW · 21/02/2019 20:47

@mmmbopper You genuinely didn't sound insensitive! Sorry, if I came across as passive aggressive as I really didn't mean to. I'm pretty knackered after 4 sleepless nights on the trot with DS so possibly not at my most eloquent.

I'd love to be able to stay at home with him but I've very much come to terms with the reality that we can't afford it. (Although I'd be lying if I said I didn't envy you a teeny bit Grin) And as you say, in the long run it's all good for the immune system.

MamaFlintstone · 21/02/2019 20:48

I’m happy with my choice to send my daughter to nursery at just under 1 and go back to work on slightly reduced hours, but I don’t think it really makes much difference what you do until they’re a bit older. She does get a lot out of it, but she gets a lot out of the time she spends with me too. I’m glad I don’t have to do it 7 days a week though.

Bluntness100 · 21/02/2019 20:54

I really don't think at a year old it makes much difference, other than to give you a break. Howcer id recommend it from two or so onwards, my very experienced childminder recommenced it to me, as she only looked after my child and felt she needed some children her own age to spend time with,

So she started going for a couple of hours one morning a week, and it really helped with her socialisation and she loved it. We then moved it to a morning and an afternoon a week, when she was about three, before going into kindergarten at four.

The sand pit thr toys, the play, the singing, the other kids, it was all good.

sighrollseyes · 21/02/2019 21:04

I couldn't have been at home all day. The time I spend with my son is now way more valuable and we always plan something specific to do together on the days he's not at nursery.
He has made good friends at nursery some of who he will go to school with.
He's also learned so many valuable social skills including sharing, helping younger children etc.
I also really like the fact that I don't need to do glitter at home because nursery do it!
But everyone has their own reasons for or against nursery. For me I am a better parent for it. But he absolutely loves it which makes it much easier.

pointythings · 21/02/2019 21:18

As babies I doubt they miss out. It's when they're 2-3 years old that the benefits really kick in. I had to back to work at 6 months with both of mine and they were absolutely fine in a great nursery with very low staff turnover (both had the same keyworker from the start until leaving for school) but when they're babies it really is just about keeping them cuddled, napped, clean and fed.

They do both have cast iron immune systems though, and were definitely ahead in educational terms when they started school - but that would probably have been the same had they started later. However, I am now very glad I didn't have a career break because I'm now a single parent and having to keep the family afloat by myself. It really is swings and roundabouts.

Surfskatefamily · 21/02/2019 21:24

I honestly think people saying out loud how amazing nursery is for their baby are reinforcing it to themselves, its got to be hard for them to do and i wouldnt do it unless absolutely no other option

Caterina99 · 21/02/2019 21:33

My DD started last month at 15m one morning a week. She seems to enjoy it. But it’s for ME, more than her. I’m a sahm and she also has 3.5 year old brother. DH works long hours and we have no family in this country to help us at all. Those 3 hours a week are basically my only child free time, my sanity is greatly improved by them and I’m so glad we can afford the luxury.

I think before the age of 2, they don’t benefit that much. Not to say they don’t enjoy it, but they don’t really play with the other kids and would be just as happy and stimulated going to the supermarket with you. So no your child is not missing out if you’re happy with staying at home with her

IncrediblySadToo · 21/02/2019 21:37

No, your BABY isn’t ‘missing out’. Babies thrive with 1:1 care. She’s getting the very best care she can get.

Childcare is absolutely fine in you have, or want, to use it, but it’s definitely not better than being at home with a parent. Especially a parent who wants to be at home.

MrsMcW 💐 it can be a bloody awful with bugs going around and a complete nightmare if you’ve just gone back to work (and especially if you’re ‘protecting’ the higher earner/more stable job). However, most kids go through it when they start whether it’s nursery, pre school or school. Just see it as building immunity and getting it out of the way 🌷. If you have to work, try to think of the bigger picture and enjoy the little rewards along the way - like peeing in peace and drinking hot coffee - once you’re not on nurse duty anyway 😖😊🍰

Motherofcreek · 21/02/2019 21:37

Nope!

Dd1 wouldn't leave my side, she didn't like being away from me.

Dd2 hated it and wasn't ready till she was three. She went to socialise and experience new things.

Dd3 has just started at 2 and loves it.

Both only went for one day a week

SingleMumFighting · 21/02/2019 21:38

Thanks. I think when she's 2 or 3 she would probably be there part time, I just wonder if it would be good for her right now. I think that you are right to send her when she is 2-3 part time. In my experience, this is when they like to exert their independence and play with other children. Right now your child will gain from the 1-1 attention from you.

vdbfamily · 21/02/2019 21:40

I think that even up until school age that as long as they are getting opportunities to socialise and as long as you are on occasion getting them used to being left with friends or grandparents etc then they are not missing out on anything. If parents need to work then childcare is needed, and if a SAHP needs some space for their sanity then a morning or two a week can help but I honestly think people kid themselves saying it is for the child's benefit. But then again, I had 3 close together and they entertained each other and also had lots of cousins of a similar age so had plenty of socialisation.

Happygolucky009 · 21/02/2019 21:40

No, she won't be missing out at that age. Rest easy, be thankful and enjoy hanging out with your gal 😃

TansyTree · 21/02/2019 21:49

People try to make looking after a baby full time sound as negative as they can by describing it as "being at home all day" when really the baby will be out and about more than a baby in nursery.