Extremely badly behaved 14 month old

[Cdt18]

My DS has always been strong minded and even from when he was tiny we had a clear understanding of what he did and didn’t like; I always liked it that he knew his own mind. But since just before his first birthday he has become such hard work I am constantly exhausted and feel like I am telling him off all the time. I have tried everything ! A lot of his behaviours I know are typical of his age such as not wanting to stay still during nappy changes and when dressing him but what accompanies this is the worst scream ever! He has days where he screams from morning to night; be it because he wants your attention (he gets plenty of attention) when he doesn’t like something or sometimes for no reason what so ever. He has begun to throw his toys constantly and has almost broken our tv. He climbs up everything he gets mad with his toys and just generally completely overreacts when something isn’t going his own way. We live in a flat so I’ve made a point of making sure we have lots of outdoor time and try to stimulate him constantly but also try to give him time where he can play independently, I am beginning to feel like I’m walking on eggshells with him. I’ve tried raising my voice, ignoring, time out(although I feel he’s too young to understand) just looking for any advice as I’m exhausted. I’m a really chilled out person with tonnes of patience but he is wearing me down.
I adore him and he still is his same lovable self but dare I say it with a very brattish streak at the moment which I want to nip in the bud!

He’s 14 months old
He’s not naughty he’s learning the world around him.

Ofc I understand that and I try my hardest to be there to help him explore it in everywhere it’s just I can’t understand the screaming he will do it for no apparent reason it has also recently developed into more of a growl. I assume he is just frustrated at not being able to express himself it’s just very hard to deal with from morning until night.

I have a 15 month old and up until 12 months he was a dream baby who hardly ever cried and was very content. Since turning one it's like he's been replaced with a tiny little arsehole human I love him with my whole being but my god he's challenging.

Like yours, he screams for lots of reasons, and sometimes for no reason at all. Sometimes I can't do anything right and it feels like he screams at me all day. I often am counting down the hours till bedtime!!

I know they aren't being naughty at this age, but doesn't stop it from being bloody frustrating.

Sorry no advice but looking for tips.

Yeah I'd say that was normal.

It's tough, really tough sometimes but at that age they really don't know any better.

It won't last forever. It's just eat sleep repeat. Praising good behaviour and removing and ignoring bad behaviour.

You just need to change your mind set. A 14 month old has no malice or intention to be naughty. Once you think of it that way it's a lot less frustrating.

The book ''123 Magic'' has been recommended to me by the hv for my dd's very similar behaviour. Haven't read it yet but maybe you could look into that.

They have a website too and videos.

It's nice to see other people have had similar experiences , I understand he's not naughty or badly behaved(think I worded it badly) I'm a first time mom and even though I have worked with and being around children so often never dealt with anything like this. I will just continue to keep trying to show him right from wrong and try to reinforce positive behaviours ! Thanks all!

Thank you furiosa I will look into that!

OP, my initial reaction on a read and re-read of your post is that you don't sound very tuned in to what's a perfectly normal 14 month old.

I'm sorry, I know that sounds harsh, but you yourself sound harsh using words like badly behaved, strong minded and brattish in relation to a baby (yes, he's basically still a baby).

I’ve tried raising my voice, ignoring, time out

Not one of these is appropriate for this age group. Raising your voice will just scare and upset him, ignoring is totally inappropriate when they're so little and need reassuring (which in turn teaches them to contain their frustration themselves), and spot-on that he's far too young for time outs.

It really might help to think of him more as a little person trying to express needs and feelings, rather than a rebellious force that needs to be contained and conquered (which is kind of how your post comes across). I'd really recommend reading something like the AHA parenting website for an alternative view (can't off the top of my head remember whether they have specific bits for younger kids, but they may well).

I hope this hasn't sounded too harsh, OP, but I was quite taken aback by your post. You may find the screaming is frustration at going on to some new developmental change, or just that you're both getting a bit tense...but if you can reassure him and not feel it's some big reflection on him or you, it'll feel easier.

He's not naughty, but he does sound high energy and I can totally understand why you are exhausted.

Raising your voice or trying much in the way of punishment is pretty counterproductive at this age - if anything it will just reinforce for him that raising voices are normal and an interesting way of getting attention.
Instead the key is distraction distraction distraction. It can feel like another job, but spending 2 extra minutes to make nappy change into a funny time where you try to open the nappy but aren't strong enough, or play peekaboo, can save you 15 minutes in fussing and tantrums later. Lots of positive reinforcement also works - catch him doing it 'right' and give tons of praise and excitement.

I'm pretty strict by most of my friends' standards about behaviour and my older 3 are well behaved (90% of the time at least!), and I have never done time outs or shouting, but been very consistent. My DS3 has been a handful but still got there with this approach, and it has been a lot less painful that when we tried to be more traditionally strict with ds1 at this age!
Some good books are Calm Parents, Happy Kids and Playful Parenting.

At that age, they don't understand why you're telling them no or the concept of doing something wrong, they're just exploring.

Instead of telling him off all the time and causing conflict, try distracting him away from the things you don't want him to do, with something he can do. It should help everything feel calmer. I know it's exhausting but you do have to give them constant attention at that age, for safety reasons if not anything else.

Hopefully your DS is currently asleep and you're able to put your feet up and have or !

I agree with all of the above. Try really really over rewarding the positive behaviour you want to see. I don't mean with treats etc but with smiles, well done and other verbal rewards, cuddles, kisses but completely give him nothing for the throwing and other behaviour. Any attention to a child is good in their eyes. It may help you look for the positives too. Good luck xx

He's 14 months!!!!

Just play with him and enjoy life.

As I did say I think I've worded this post badly I'm just having a very stressful day.
The thing is I am very placid and people around me have said this could be why he screams at me etc as I'm 'too soft' with him. He doesn't do it with other people.

OP, you need to rethink this. At 14 months your baby is a baby. Naughtiness and strong will are not in his remit.
Stop thinking you have to defeat him. Go along with his instincts where you can and gently distract his attention when you can’t. Enjoy him.

When DD (DC2) reached this age, I remembered how very wearing it was. Your DS is too young to have the language to express himself clearly and any speech he does have is likely to be too indistinct for you to understand much. It’s incredibly wearing, I know. But once he can talk a bit more (and it really won’t be long) it will get loads easier.

Do you ever just sit and cuddle him, spend time with him on your knee pointing at and singing nursery rhymes from a toddler book, playing with toy people and making up stories about them, that kind of thing?

You do sound like you've kind of misunderstood his age and development a little bit. He needs closeness not distance, whether physical, through voice, or objects.

I have a 16 month and going through something similar. The best way my HV explained it to me is that you are his "safe space" and so when he is learning about the world and testing where the boundaries are, he is more likely to do it with you for that reason. Best thing you can do is give him the stimulation he needs, which it sounds like you are, and help him learn where the boundaries are as he develops more of an awareness of the world around him. It's a frustrating time for them as they are wanting to become more independent but can't do many things for themselves or express themselves verbally yet, they find other ways of communicating. Just keep going!

It's not worth trying time out or similar until they can understand the concept of "if this happens... then this happens" which he's still too young for. I'd say it's between two and two and a half when they get that.

Bless you, OP, of course he's not screaming because you're "too soft on him" - what an unkind and silly thing for them to have said to you.

He's found his voice and is trying to communicate. Try baby talk/sign you can do it at home or maybe join a local class. Once he can actually communicate his needs a bit better the screaming should charm down.

Hey are very hard work at this age as need constant supervision. Good luck.

I can really recommend "How to talk so little kids listen" - this is a recent version of a classic parenting book.

But drop all this idea off being too soft. You can say "no" but tell him you don't want him to fall off the changing table, make up a silly song and dance, ie when mine is becoming antsy on the table I do The Grand Old Duke of York but moving his legs up and down and half way down, then left and right and then I go upside down. And then he's forgotten about being bored or cross or whatever. And in between moves I've whipped his nappy off. Everyone is a winner!

Or if he's getting cross with his toys, could you do something silly with them? Get them to talk to each other? Get them to peek a boo him? Tell them off yourself?

When I've totally run out of ideas I just turn mine upside down! He loves it and it's like an actual reset button!

Do you go to stay and plays? I find them a great break for me as well as him. Because you can't keep going all day at this. Does he scream there too?

He is a baby. He doesn't need stimulating all the time. He needs help to learn to be calm and relaxed, to rest and get enough sleep.
Stories, songs, signing, gentle music are important too.

I'd be praising anything positive you WANT him to do, and largely (unless dangerous) ignoring things you don't want him to do., and distracting him with other things. I'd also be focussing on HIM and making sure I can communicate and understand what he's trying to tell me. It's difficult when you don't have words, maybe try baby signing?

Yeah, his language is probably much more advanced than he can currently communicate. He's probably being driven slightly mad by his inability to communicate.