Extremely badly behaved 14 month old

[Cdt18]

My DS has always been strong minded and even from when he was tiny we had a clear understanding of what he did and didn’t like; I always liked it that he knew his own mind. But since just before his first birthday he has become such hard work I am constantly exhausted and feel like I am telling him off all the time. I have tried everything ! A lot of his behaviours I know are typical of his age such as not wanting to stay still during nappy changes and when dressing him but what accompanies this is the worst scream ever! He has days where he screams from morning to night; be it because he wants your attention (he gets plenty of attention) when he doesn’t like something or sometimes for no reason what so ever. He has begun to throw his toys constantly and has almost broken our tv. He climbs up everything he gets mad with his toys and just generally completely overreacts when something isn’t going his own way. We live in a flat so I’ve made a point of making sure we have lots of outdoor time and try to stimulate him constantly but also try to give him time where he can play independently, I am beginning to feel like I’m walking on eggshells with him. I’ve tried raising my voice, ignoring, time out(although I feel he’s too young to understand) just looking for any advice as I’m exhausted. I’m a really chilled out person with tonnes of patience but he is wearing me down.
I adore him and he still is his same lovable self but dare I say it with a very brattish streak at the moment which I want to nip in the bud!

I agree with other posters, it’s about redirection, and changing expectations. What a silly thing someone said to you re screaming and being ‘too soft’. As if.

I found it helpful to to find out about play schema www.nature-play.co.uk/blog/schemas-in-childrens-play and thought the babies programme on bbc was really good re developmental stuff. The wonder weeks might also help contextualise what’s going on for your son.

I found that my son (now 13 months) was particularly challenging just before he put walking together. He is so much happier and less frustrated now he is mobile. I wonder if something similar is going on for your son, maybe with talking? Baby sign might be good. Also having ‘conversations’ eg he babbles, you reply (you can mimic the sound or just use words). Or, sometimes my son makes some screech and I make a screechy but different noise back. He finds that very funny. Then we sit there going ‘aaaa’ ‘aaaa’ at each other . I tend to do this in comfort of my own home though....

And yes, my son knows what he wants and has very decided opinions. Based on that and his age, I don’t get into ‘do what I say’ or control him. I think I’d be on a hiding to nothing there. I just do lots and lots of redirection. Case in point, he knows not to rag on the cooker but he’s got no ability to regulate his impulses. So I say ‘no’ but I don’t expect him to stop touching it on his own. Taking his hand away and turning around may produce some shrieking, but he’s easily redirected to something else.

Ah yes the screaming phase. Rest assured it does pass if you don't pay it too much attention. I seem to remember it starting just before 12 months.

Do you have a yes space? Sounds hippy I know but it really helps my sanity.
Our lounge has been turned into a yes space. Totally toddler proof (or as much as possible). We moved he furniture around, P it up baby gates and moved hinge he touches that he's not allowed to touch higher up or in boxes.
So he has loads of toys to play with, he can climb the sofas, he learnt to walk in that space... you eliminate as much 'no' stuff as possible.

That doesn't mean he won't hear the word no. As soon as we go upstairs, there a whole load of nope up there. And outside too. But at least there's that space where you can relax a bit and he can explore.
It's been such a lifesaver for my sanity.

Horrid isn't it op.

Being parent is grueling. He's not naughty though because he has no idea of what right or wrong!!

He is a baby. When he's a bit older you will long for him to be this age again!

@clawdy you say that. Neither love or money would entice me back to the first few months of my son’s life. I don’t get why people think it’s helpful to say this kind of thing. Still, you didn’t say treasure every moment so I’ll not be too spiky...

reetgood I know what you mean, but honestly mine were such horrendous teenagers,I would have wished them babies again in an instant!

@clawdy :D oh from a few years distance I’m sure.... but it seems like a remote possibility from this perspective!

Please above anything else do not try 123 magic on a 14 month old. The whole program is extremely outdated and would not be suitable for a toddler at all!

Bless, he’s not naughty. He’s a baby learning to cope with transitioning into toddlerhood. He’s meant to climb everywhere, wriggle, throw things, shout and test boundaries. You’d be very upset if he couldn’t do those things, so cherish them.
I’d say ‘even boys’ need to learn quiet pleasures and don’t need constant high excitement or stimulation. It’s not a good age to expect independent play.

A book box full of lovely toddler books brought out for cuddle and read time for an hour is heavenly. Let him choose the books.
Playdough made in the microwave passes an afternoon very nicely.
Glueing and sticking old junk models.

Exercise is important but isn’t calming. He need some to learn that quiet and gentle feel good too.

I used to give my 12+ month year old a biscuit to do nappy changes. He's now 15 and quite lovely but at that age was quite horrible.

My DS was like this. It was so exhausting. He’s 3.5 now, and he still has his moments for sure, but I think overall he’s much easier to deal with now that he can talk and be reasoned with. He’s still very high energy though.

My DD is 16 months. She is so different. She just toddles about, doesn’t run away from me or scream constantly, stops doing something if I ask her to, will sit and “read” a book by herself. I hated parents with kids like her when my DS was pushing down every child at play group. No doubt her time is coming and she’ll hit the terrible 2s hard, or perhaps my expectations are just lowered. She still fights nappy changes and climbs things and has random tantrums over nothing because that’s what toddlers do.

Argh I feel your pain! I have a 14 month old too. He hasn't been this frustrated or frustrating since just before he learned to crawl. And I think now it's because he wants to talk, but can't yet.
My way to cope is to make the living room and dining room baby friendly, so he can pull, empty, bash, bang, undo, anything. And he can't hurt himself or damage anything.

Nappy changes as quick as possible, and he's had pull ups since he was about 7 months because he's wriggly. I have a box of stuff that ONLY comes out for nappy changes to entertain him.

He's the kid who instead of trying to get into the bouncy castle the other day, was trying to move stuff out of the way to get the to motor that he could hear 🤦🏼‍♀️

If he was an adult, he'd be a complete arsehole! But actually he's just a very energetic and interested 14 month old. And all I can do to keep sane is remind myself of that. Hang in there.