Breastfeeding advice please from those who bf for longer than 12 months

[wanderlust55555]

I think I have afew questions here so any advice regarding any of them would be great thanks.
Basically DD is 21 months and showing no signs of wanting to stop bf. She feeds frequently throughout the day and night still. I am more than happy to carry on feeding her. I love the bond it's created and also feel it has helped her through some illness recently. It is often the only thing she will have if she is unwell.
My issue is really the frequency she still feeds. When I was weaning her onto solids I was told the more she ate the more feeds she would drop. This just never happened. She now obviously eats three meals a day plus snacks. This still has had little affect on how often she bf. Is this normal?
I know a couple of mothers who still feed their DC similar age to my they say their DC bf just a couple of times a day now. A HV recently told me it was because I never stopped feeding on demand. I don't understand I just bf when she wanted it as I thought I was meant to. Previously I was told DD would naturally want to cut down and demand less.
Is anyone in a similar position?
I have tried to refuse her bf and she quickly gets very upset.
I am thinking for waiting a little longer in hope either she starts to naturally cut down. Or so I can start to explain it to her maybe start to have bf boundaries e.g we only feed at home in the morning and at night from now on. Had this method worked for anyone? Sorry if that's abit long and rambling

I have just stopped with DD, she is 3 and I felt like she would have kept going until adulthood if we hadn’t gone cold turkey! It’s been difficult at night and DH has had to do the bedtime routine despite the screaming.

I work FT so there was no lunchtime feed, just morning, bedtime and sometimes in the night during illness- I did have to argue with her in public at weekends when she would stamp her feet demanding it! Trying to put boundaries in place was difficult the older and cleverer she got - if I said no not here, she’d say “well let’s go home!”

I felt a little lost for the first few days but I’ve enjoyed sleeping without being pawed at. I’m glad I did it but I’m also glad it’s over!

Perfectly normal.

You're doing the right thing, feeding on demand. When she's ready to stop, she'll stop.

Don't refuse her, it's her comfort and security. As she has more understanding, explain to her that at certain times you don't want her to feed eg in certain company. Oh, you'd already thought of that!

You sound to be doing fine. My dd had to stop at 4 yr 3 mo when I couldn't keep still long enough to feed her (stress after relationship breakdown) and her dd stopped at 4 years 9 months by agreement.

I can’t tell from your post op, are you wanting to cut down how much she feeds or are you happy with how things are at the moment?

Thank you everyone for your replies.
@Maryann1975 I probably would like to cut down, however, I do not want DD to be upset. I suppose I am just trying to see if others DC started to naturally cut down or if I will eventually have to start forcing DD.

Both mine fed until after 3 years old. Both times I had to go on a holiday to stop! However, I was and am happy with this. As long as you're happy to keep going, don't worry. My second fed as often as your little one too.

Mine cut down over time but would then get a sickness bug/have a growth spurt/go through any developmental phase and demand for milk would shoot up again.... I think I tried to nightwean DD when she was about 2.5yrs - so she knew I wouldn't feed her when it was dark outside (started nightwean in the summer by winter time we were finally there). I think she would have happily continued feeding forever but when she was 3 I got pregnant with her brother and spent quite a lot of time in hospital - when I came out she'd weaned.

Ds just wasn't interested one day. Just before his 3rd birthday I noticed that he just wasn't wanting milk except before bed and then it was just for a super quick token feed of about 10 seconds whilst he drifted off to sleep.

My third son has recently stopped at 3y 6m. His interest waxed and waned over time, usually ramping up with illness or teething. He cut down a lot over the last year and we were down to very occasionally in the night, first thing in the morning somedays (sometimes skipping a few days) and when hurt or ill or upset. I probably could have pushed him to wean earlier but I was happy to continue. The last two or three times he expressed an interest I said we could have a cuddle instead as there was no more milk left. He accepted this with little fuss and the whole thing was pretty painless really. There lots of supportive pages on facebook try 'breastfeeding older babies and beyond'.

There's a book called Nursies When The Sun Shines about night weaning which you could try. If you use Facebook there's a group called breastfeeding older babies and beyond that you might want to request to join (lots of ladies feeding children much older than yours)

I’m still technically feeding DD who is 2yrs 10 months. Although she only feeds once a day max and not everyday. I’m trying to remember exactly what she was doing around that age... she definitely still fed in the morning, at night and at nap time until she was 2.5 when she dropped the nap and then shortly after that she dropped the morning feed. I went back to work full time when she was 9 months old so she has been used to not being able to have boob on demand since then, however she would certainly cram a few extra feeds in during weekends or days off. I’ve never tried to wean her, always fed on demand whenever I am with her and once she hit 2 adopted a don’t offer but don’t deny stance, and we’ve over time reached the current point. There’s a large and very active group on Facebook for natural term breastfeeding which I think would reassure you, might be worth a look!

Mine both started to lose interest just before their 2nd birthdays, once 2 they had just a nightly feed which eventually stopped not long after.

PS HVs have often very little training with regard to natural term breastfeeding, so I wouldn't set to much store by what they said!

Mine fed a long time (till almost 4 in one case!) but frequency was of necessity affected by me being back at work. One fed a lot at night and I found that hard to stop. During the day I stopped wanting to feed out and about and they got used to the idea it was for the house.

I fed ds2 till he was almost 2. The bedtime feed was the last to go. Used distraction for day feeds when eliminating them. I also found that if we were out and busy he never wanted a feed, once that goes on for a few days you don't slip back into the habit. It is useful sometimes for comfort though, and I miss it in a way!

My 2.5 year old would feed 5 or 6 times a day if she had free rein so your situation sounds normal to me! I’ve just started pulling it back a bit because I would like to phase it out in the next few weeks for various reasons.

So I’m going with, “yes we can have some but later, it’s cuddle time right now”. She’s going along with it mostly.

I pressed pause this evening though as she has a rotten cold so she’s been cuddling and feeding continuously!

I had to reduce DS's feeds when I went back to work.

If you want to cut down but keep feeding, postponing the feeds tends to work well. "Yes we'll have some milk in a bit, shall we just look at / do this first?". Then you're prolonging the gaps between feeds. The other method I tried was offering a cup of milk or water first, then if it was rejected I'd offer the breast.

We now just feed 2 or 3 times a day. Apart from when he's ill and wants more, but I'm more than happy to give it to him then.

If you're happy with the frequency though there is absolutely no need to cut down the feeds - she'll start to reduce them when she's ready.

I fed 3 of mine until 3 and they all sound similar to yours! I just put in boundaries that I wanted in place like feeding when out was the first to stop at about 2 then it went to morning then just to night. I'd often give them a cuddle or a piece of toast if I thought they were hungry but probably not until they were 2ish and only when it suited me!

There was a good piece on stopping breastfeeding on R4 Woman's Hour recently. In the last week or two. It'll be on BBC Sounds. Would be worth a listen.

Hi Wanderlust,

I'm still feeding an (almost) 16 month old boy. I fed completely on demand until I 'day-weaned' him so I could go back to work, when he was 10 months old. This involved slowly dropping all daytime feeds over a period of about 8 weeks. Now I feed when I get home in the evening, during the night (we bed share) and in the morning before I go to work. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that if you wish to drop the amount of feeds per day, you will have to actively work on that.

For a while on the days I wasn't at work and with him all day, I operated under the 'don't offer, don't refuse' way of feeding which meant I just didn't offer the breast at any stage, but if he came and looked for milk, I would give it to him. Sometimes if he's unwell or going through a growth spurt I still do this. This might be an option but you need to be careful you don't get blocked up if your child just doesn't ask for long periods of time.

It's a really personal choice, and if you're still happy to feed as she wishes at 21 months then just keep going. The WHO states the best thing for children is to breastfeed 'to 2 years and beyond' so it is advised and it is normal. But if you want to reduce, without causing distress to your child, and potential problems such as mastitis or some such to yourself, you need to plan and work on dropping one feed a day, say, the 11am feed, and once your child is getting used to not feeding at that time and you feel it's not causing problems, you can solidify that you just don't ever feed at that time any more, and go on to dropping the next feed, say the 3pm one.

Breastfeeding at this age provides so much for toddlers - it's still a valuable source of nutrition, its still excellent for their immune system, for their mental health, their emotional regulation and it actually enhances their cognitive development - so you're really doing so well by your child to still be going.

This turned out to be a lot longer than I meant it to but hopefully there's something you will find useful in there!

I breastfed my DD1 until 2.5. I was back at work at 11months so natural decrease in feeds on work days but when we were together at that stage she would have fed all day if I let her. Her solid intake was tiny though so I put in some limits around feeding. She got upset too but soon learned that she had to wait. Mainly as I was getting fed up with her looking for a feed and pulling at my clothes the moment I sat down. I’m not sure that don’t offer, don’t refuse works with children like mine- if I had never refused I’d have been feeding 1-2 hourly!

I breastfed DS1 for 15 months and DS2 until he was 2.9 but I only fed on demand for the first six months before they started solids.
With both of them, when I went back to work at 9 months I cut back to twice a day and then later just once a day at bedtime. They never really tried to breastfeed outside of the designated times.

When I was weaning her onto solids I was told the more she ate the more feeds she would drop. This just never happened. She now obviously eats three meals a day plus snacks. This still has had little affect on how often she bf. Is this normal?

(1) Please excise the word 'normal' from your vocabulary. So much angst is created by this word when it comes to babies, toddlers, and breastfeeding.

(2) My experience of b-feeding way past what is 'normal' is that they never cut down despite solids - once they had reached the point of having a meal schedule they slotted breastfeeding in alongside solid food. I bfed DC1 for 12 months, cut down for two months and then stopped. DC2 I bfed until 16 months. DC3 I bfed until age 2.5, DC4 until age 2.5 again, and DC5 until almost 4. None of them ever really developed a schedule.
I was a SAHM and this made it easier to do. I really enjoyed the natural term breastfeeding experience.

(3) Your HV is full of balloon juice.

When the time came to stop (dictated by horrible, debilitating morning sickness each time except for DC5) I simply told the LOs that the time had come to drink other drinks.

In the case of DC5, school was a month or two away when weaning occurred.

They all accepted that the end had come. We had lots of time together snuggling, reading, playing together, cooking together, etc to make up for the loss of this comfort.

Try giving lots of high fat snacks - cubes of cheese, avocado, peanut butter etc and she should gradually eat more and bf less. My dd was the same and she woke up all through the night wanting to feed as she had taken mainly breast milk through the day and just picked at food as she was full from milk

I bf my second till she was past 3, my youngest is just about the same age as yours and still bfs. My second bf frequently (def more than 3 times a day) till she was just about 2, she just started sleeping through around 21m but cluster fed in the morning and in the evening after nursery.
My youngest now, she does sleep well at night but can wake up anywhere between once and 3 times for bf, she eats like a hungry horse so it is definitely nothing to do with needing food! Bf for toddlers is something different than just nutrition. I am working on boundaries for the yoingest now, we don't bf out and about unless I have to, but I prefer to wait - as they get older I think it is important for them to acknowledge its a two way street. Granted my youngest is being somewhat obstinate about that particular boundary! Do what works for you. Over offering can work well as it makes it less valuable. Don't offer don't refuse is another way, or just bf in one spot (like an armchair) and the rest of the time stay up and moving about! They do drop off a bit all of a sudden. My second dropped to two feeds at 2.5, at nearly 3 she just had a bedtime one. It was more manageable to keep going for just one.
I did find with both my youngest that from 18m-21m ish became a proper feeding frenzy, I was pulling my hair out! They come out of it eventually. Thank God.

I’ve got 27 month old twins who I’m still breastfeeding. I nightweaned them a couple of months before they turned 2 as even with co-sleeping it was beginning to drive me mad (had to sleep on my back and both of them wanted to be continually latched on which wasn’t letting anyone get a good deep sleep). In the early days feeding lying down was a lifesaver but I’d got to the point where I needed some time on my own! That’s worked ok although they protested loudly for a few nights (husband went in with them), they now mostly feed morning and evening and on non-nursery days after their nap. On top of that if they ask and I can’t distract I will feed them so I spend an awful lot of time these days standing up as often it’s the sitting down on a sofa that leads to them asking. I’m trying to cut down on feeding when out and about, not because I’ve had any funny reactions or anything but because when one is having a feed the other one then wants to, and as they aren’t really as focussed on feeding at those times I get a lot of squabbling, wriggling and poking of each other and general bad feeding manners so they tend to get put down sharp which results in crying. Easier just to distract where possible One of my girls is definitely more interested than the other but I can’t see one stopping when the other still is! They have started to tell each other that the milk is all gone now at the end of a feed which is quite amusing! And if one is ill then all restrictions are off - one of the best ways of comforting them I have!

I breastfed my DS and DD until they were around 2. I did stop feeding them during the night about a year before that because I was exhausted by the broken nights - as they got older they didn't fall back to sleep whilst feeding and I would spend hours trying to settle them.

Daytime feeds I think naturally reduced to just first thing in the morning and last thing before bed. I might have used some distraction techniques. With those last 2 feeds they just gradually lost interest and would be more interested in a story or playing than feeding.

Whatever feels right for you OP. Some babies will stop themselves or with gentle encouragement, other would happily still be feeding when they start school.