Breastfeeding advice please from those who bf for longer than 12 months

[wanderlust55555]

I think I have afew questions here so any advice regarding any of them would be great thanks.
Basically DD is 21 months and showing no signs of wanting to stop bf. She feeds frequently throughout the day and night still. I am more than happy to carry on feeding her. I love the bond it's created and also feel it has helped her through some illness recently. It is often the only thing she will have if she is unwell.
My issue is really the frequency she still feeds. When I was weaning her onto solids I was told the more she ate the more feeds she would drop. This just never happened. She now obviously eats three meals a day plus snacks. This still has had little affect on how often she bf. Is this normal?
I know a couple of mothers who still feed their DC similar age to my they say their DC bf just a couple of times a day now. A HV recently told me it was because I never stopped feeding on demand. I don't understand I just bf when she wanted it as I thought I was meant to. Previously I was told DD would naturally want to cut down and demand less.
Is anyone in a similar position?
I have tried to refuse her bf and she quickly gets very upset.
I am thinking for waiting a little longer in hope either she starts to naturally cut down. Or so I can start to explain it to her maybe start to have bf boundaries e.g we only feed at home in the morning and at night from now on. Had this method worked for anyone? Sorry if that's abit long and rambling

You have to stop worrying that you'll upset your toddler if you say no to some bf. It'll make any decisions you make too emotional and guilt-ridden. I think boundaries are fine. Some toddlers would feed all night long given the chance, which isn't good for the mum or child.

I weaned my twins at 3, as they were not going to self wean any time soon! From 2 and a bit I told them we were only having bf at home on the sofa. I agree with the previous mum of twins: I stood up a lot for a while!

With my 3rd DD, I would gently refuse some feeds if I wanted to, from about 18 months or so. She could be distracted with playing, cuddle, snack, etc.

I don't think you need to feed on demand at this age, as the reason for feeding could simply be boredom, and you can meet their needs in different ways now. Telling them that you're tired and want to do something else instead is ok. I think they slowly get used to 'no' being an option.

Thank you everyone your responses have all been great. You've made me realise as @mathanxiety said there is no 'normal'. I think I am just going to carry on as we are for now but start slowly adding afew boundaries.

I breastfed non-stop for 13 years. That was 5 children - the longest BF’er was four years.

I think as they get older, you can just say no to them. I found that my children understood this. When I tandem nursed, the elder child knew that baby had priority.

13 years!! Amazing

I'm still feeding my newly turned 4 year old. She only has a feed once a day though just before bed, been like that a year now she cut down by herself