Stop putting dominos in the coal scuttle

[DisgraceToTheYChromosome]

...and other things you would never say before you had toddlers in the house. DGS is even more barking than his mother was, which is saying something.

Heard my sister shout on the phone today : ds, get out of the fridge. I have no doubts that he wasn’t just peeking in, but full on adventure mode!

I remember being told off for putting all my wrappers in the tumble dryer. Of course they all melted when it was turned on..

Got to admit I read this because I wondered what had happened to the poor pizza 😂

We had a baby squirrel fall down our chimney, I thought my 4 year old son had an imaginary friend that he was talking too. “Mum there’s a squirrel in the fireplace” he was shouting at me in the kitchen. We fished it out of the fake coals with a toy fishing net. Let it out 50 foot away on the front drive, it then chased us back into the house. It was like an episode of Tom and Jerry!

Not a toddler, but one of the dogs “Stop licking the bloody rabbit”. I swear the neighbours think we’re nuts

"Get that mud/soil out of your mouth."
"Stop licking the cat."
"The cat is not a toy."
"Why have you thrown your toys out of the bedroom window?" (Bedroom was upstairs )
*Why are there stones/pebbles/small rocks in my work handbag again?"
"Why are there stones/pebbles/small rocks in your sock drawer/your bed/the bath/the washing basket?" (DD was going through her Makka Pakka phase.)
"Why are there snowdrops in the washing machine?" (I found two washed snowdrops after I took out the washing to tumble dry )

In a posh car showroom:
"DD1, let your sister out of the car boot please".
Cue a few sniggers from passing salesman.

No one called Geoff has ever been to Mars

Stop putting your testicles on your brothers toast

Take that duck out of your bottom.

Take that sandwich out of your bottom.

Take Pedro Pony out of your bottom.

A theme emerges...

Dominos, not Domino's. They were white ones too, which meant they had to have the coal dust scrubbed off them.

Stop licking your armpits!

“If you don’t like the taste of the door handle then stop licking it”

“Please don’t wee on your sister again...no, you can’t ride the bike over her either...no she’s not a good stunt ramp”

“You’re crying because you don’t like your dinner? But you’ve eaten the entire meal plus seconds...it’s a bit late now”

“I don’t know what the Beasts real name was but Angus does sound like a good choice”

“Flora, Flora, Flora are you listening? Oh, your name is Carol today? Sorry Carol” (name isn’t Flora either...that was Sunday choice)

This was all yesterday....

Please tell me you haven't just put that banana out of the cat flap

Why is there a pencil jammed in the keyhole???

Is probably one of the weirder things I have said

Your willy isn't a gear stick....

"Don't kiss the dog/sheep/lambs/mole" (we're farmers)

Stop filling my/your pockets with pine cones

B/g twins
While nappy changing “leave your brothers willy alone it’s not a toy”
While doing hers “ don’t sit on your sisters head”

Just this morning - 'Don't try to wee on your sister'
All the time - 'Where is the poo?'
Lowest point - 'Come here so I can wash that shepherds pie off your willy'

Can you tell we're potty training?

Penguins don’t eat Cheerios.

...while trying to convince the toddler that he didn’t need to share his breakfast...

This thread is funny 😂

ihope if you mean the Beast from beauty and the beast, his name is Adam

nothing will ever beat 'Boys, there are not swords, please stop fighting with them and get in the bath'

"We do not poo on tractors!"

Stop licking the trolley

Don’t put your penis on the cat

Stop licking the windows