U know you're a nurse when.....

[kentgal]

Here's some to get the ball rolling

You can't help visually checking people's veins out when you are talking to them in any situation

You automatically roll your eyes at the phrase "I googled my symptoms...."

You know the true effect of the full moon on a night shift

"What kind of strange goings on? Would I be right in thinking it makes people more aggressive?" Nurses WISH that were all it was! No, people go loopy! Do THE most stupid things resulting in increased a&e admissions - not just accidents but it's also prime time for forgetting/losing essential meds, overdoing the booze/drugs etc

I'm long out the game now but still remember needing a steel bladder and iron pancreas to cope with the lack of pee & food breaks.

You know you're a nurse when...

...you know when not to accept a patient's claims of their vegan, non-smoking, teetotal, Marathon running lifestyles as they present with pending heart attack/stroke/t2 diabetes symptoms. Conversation gradually turns from the original answer to "well I'll have a wee sherry on my birthday" and ends up "yea I'm bladdered every weekend, I'm so hungover right now I may spew"

...when someone looks about to faint/spew/shit themselves (and the latter I think is definitely a nurse only observation) and you run towards them rather than away. If it's a "spew" look you somehow manage to magic up something to catch it in as you move toward them.

...when you know being on bedpans is actually better than being on sputum collection duty (baaad memories of training there! Gimme piss & shit any time over phlegm!)

@Graphista I agree on the phlegm! I will never forget a patient handing me a sick bowl full of it as the dr had asked them for a sample!

When a patient walks in carrying a suitcase, puts on their pjs and immediately becomes unable to walk, hold a glass or do anything for themselves

When someone says "it's not been too bad a day" and then the four horsemen of the apocalypse burst in and rain hell fire down

When you realise on your day off you e not had a wee or a drink in 12 hours as it’s the norm.

Eye rolling at the chest pains if 10/10 whilst they’re reading the paper and drinking tea.

When you celebrate not being on duty or even better have annual leave when the new Drs arrive

When you mentally make a note that you were on the night shift when the clocks go back do you request a night when the clocks go forward.

When you can catch a glint in the eye of the tiny 90yr old with a UTI and being prepared for when the confusion kicks in and they gain the strength of the hulk to hurl water jugs and random equipment at you

When someone coughs in the street and you congratulate them on a good cough (from my ICU days )

(Community nurse do not quite the same but..)

Your most used sentences are,

Have you opened your bowels today?

Let's get you in the shower,

Yes Dr X says it's important that you take your medication (because Dr x holds far more importance than nurse me)

As for sputum, my kids has Cystic Fibrosis, sputum is my life, I stopped gagging long ago ..., pus however 🤮

I have every admiration for the receptionist. After answering the phone while she was on lunch, to have a patient wanting to know the point of booking an appointment and why he just couldn’t possibly be squeezed in at a time that suited him😂 but we were not to be told when this would be as he’s a very important person 😂 I remember his name when he did come in. My TLC was a little lacking 😂

When you've spent all day asking if someone is ok, to be given a list of demands from relatives because the patient has never seen you.......

When you are told they were too sick to see the GP during the day so came to A&E now instead

When you're asked if someone getting CPR in the waiting room is going to make the wait longer

When you offload someone to the waiting room and they get the jump because ambulances should have priority

When someone hands you a finger at triage when you ask why they are there.

When you can be up to your elbows in bodily fluid, then eating something from the desk 2 mins later whilst snorting about the bodily fluids between you and not baulk up.

When you have nurse friends and cannot organise a night out where all can attend for first 6 months of the year.
And when you do someone inevitably ends up on duty and frying to swap, bad times.

The 'q' word

Opposite of manic, bedlam, horrendous, "Oh what is it now?" and pandemonium.

People rarely say the 'b' word either.

You are so paranoid about the ‘q’ word you will not even write it out on a post on MN 😂
When you reassure friend that their Mum is an ‘off NOF’ and will be back to normal in a few days. Friend had thought that this was it in terms of Mum’s Dementia and Mum would need placement. Cried when reassured that it was transient confusion.

Also you realise how strong 90 year old women are when they have UTI’s

Are windy days worse in a and e? Im an ex teacher and wind always makes kids manic.

I’m loving this thread and more so cause I’m a psych nurse for the last 17 years and my gorgeous second born has become even within the knowledge of her single mum shit off being a nurse a children’s nurse . I’m so proud but at the same time so appreciative of her shit .. it’s never easy .., but she has a face like me .. that folk speak to and offload to and that’s why I continue to do my job .
You can’t help everyone but sometimes you do help and that is the point .
It bloody bizarre that the people you meet assume you have a perfect family and perfect mental health always. When the reality is my mental health is currently fine but it has not always been and I’ve had such shut times that you can never disclose

The q word is Quiet!

...and the 90 yo men? weenurse or don't you come across many of them, and actually, men rarely get them!

When you say "sharp scratch" to your own dc when the practice nurse gives their imms

When you'll happily eat crisps from a clean (cardboard) bedpan or vomit bowl without flinching.

When your first reaction to someone choking in a restaurant is "oh ffs!" because you know your dinner will go cold while you deal with it. (Disclaimer: I didn't say it in earshot of anyone else except dm who I was with, I did go and help, the lady was fine after a few backslaps and I did get my cold meal for free!)

When the acute hospital handover to the community hospital ward with the words "she/he is a lovely lady/man."!

When you want to wrap any baby you see in as many blankets as possible to prevent a nicu admission with low sugar 😊

When a baby pooing causes a huge cheer amongst the unit and trumping is the best sound ever.

When a baby holding their tube and waving it at you at the start of your shift is an omen your going to have an awful shift

NICU nurse ❤️

You’ll talk about anything, no matter how revolting, whilst eating.

Susan!!!!!!

When you put everything back. All the time.
When you’ve mastered ‘the face’.
When you can’t sit down and look at any mess.

I work in pathology, we NEVER say the q word either!

I'm not a nurse, but judging by my experience of a nasty case of cellulitis, you know you're a nurse if you love bursting blisters and picking off massive scabs!