Would it bother you if your DP had previously (before knowing you) been a sperm donor...

[TheFuckfaceWhisperer]

And after almost two years together and living together and everything, only just casually dropped it into conversation today?

I think it's something he should have told me (it wasn't anonymous, it's somebody he knows and lives local), but he doesn't think it's anything to even mention because, in his words "I have nothing to do with it"

It would bother me a lot. My DH has children, which I knew about before we got together and I’d be very annoyed if I found out there were more out there he hadn’t bothered to mention.

Does he see and/or support the child?

Yes, it would be other me a lot, but I can't articulate why and I suspect iabu

What does happen about supporting a child conceived in this way?

What's to stop the mother, or the state, claiming support at a later date?

His sperm, his body, his choice is my opinion.

It does worry me though that there is no such things as anonymous donation (which is brilliant for the child obviously) so the potential for a child or multiple children appearing in my life without warning or me wanting it.

My exH was an anonymous sperm donor as a student at a sperm bank. He was paid. It was much less regulated in the 1980s. It never worried me until our DS was DXed with autism, I looked hard at our families and realised exHs family had all sorts of neuro-diversity going on. I wondered if some poor soul had had a much longed for baby by AID and who was autistic.

Anyway, a bit different to your experience, op.

Yes it would but I can't put my finger on why.

Yep. It would be a dealbreaker for me, even after 2 years.

It would definitely bother me and I’d end it. He could have copious amounts of children dotted all over. That’s really weird. The intention doesn’t matter, it’s the bare facts.

It wouldn't bother me. He's doing a good thing to help people who can't have their own bio DC.

It wouldn't bother me.

But then I'm an adoptive parent so don't necessarily see DNA and being a parent as intrinsically linked.

I'm also considering donating my eggs - my DH is completely on board, but if we were to split and I met someone else I don't know if it is something I would share with then from the get go. And tbh I don't think sperm donors consider it a big deal really - they masturbated into a cup a few times. It's compartmentalised. It's not the same as actively starting a family.

Ellen there is always a risk when you have a baby that it will have some sort of genetic or random issue whether it is AID of otherwise.

If the child lives locally and you go on to have a child (if you don’t already) they could end up at school together or meeting up in some way.
Also with DNA testing being something that’s done often they could find each other in a few years so matter how far away they are.
Oh and he’s dick for not telling you earlier.

*no matter

The act of him being a sperm donor wouldn’t bother me and it wouldn’t have stopped me starting a relationship with him but I would be very unimpressed to only find out after two years of dating, especially if it was just casually in the conversation. I’d wonder what else he was hiding.

It wouldn't bother me. So long as they don't come banging on the door later.

Through a proper regulated sperm bank I don't think it would bother me but to someone he knows but without having anything to do with the child/ren that resulted would bother me a lot.

It wouldn't upset me, but I would want to know. Don't children conceived even with anonymous donations now have a right to bio Dad information? That should be the case. No matter the parents' secrets, the child should always be able to find out the truth if they choose.

If his child is by someone he knows, he should expect the child to want to know him someday.

What is the actual scenario?

Was this person a friend? Are they gay? Do they still speak? How did it come to fruition and did they have sex?

It wouldn't bother me that hed done it... I'd think it was a kind thing to do.... I would be very angry he had not mentioned it in two years though!

A person in a relationship has to know this surely? Especially if you end up
Having kids together.. I would want to know in detail about it tbh.

I'd think he should have been open about it but the fact if it, no.
You'd want to be able to find out about any inherited conditions in any children born of this though, and to know if there are any full stop.
My DCs are also adopted. They need to know their genetic history and I'd like them to know their siblings but in one case that's never going to happen.

Yes it would bother me if I was planning on having children with them. I would worry about the children turning up at some point and wanting a relationship with my children and then I would worry about Genetic Sexual Attraction. I would never be able to relax.

However if I wasn't having children with them I wouldn't care so much.

Deal-breaker for me

I wouldn’t care