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Original poster

Neighbor taking advantage of our kind nature

37 replies

paige321 · 12/02/2019 13:08

This is a long on

I have moved into a new house neighbors are lovely but.
We live in terrace so our door is literally next our neighbors.
She is a lovely neighbour very chatty but I think she's starting to take the piss out of my partner.
She lives on her own with her daughter
We used to go in there from time to time with our daughter as she loved seeing her dog but she has reasently got a new dog which she ask us to put money towards it ( bit cheeky) and he jumps up at her and he scratched her face the other day so she doesn't want to go in there really anymore.
She brought a light from a friend and ask if my partner could put it up for her as she knows he done one similar in our house so he agreed to do it thinking it will be as simple as our one. He is not a electriction he is a security engineer so instils camera alarms ect. So he's doing the light there was all sorts of problems so he couldn't do it on the day she ask but beacuse she brought him some cigarettes she ask him if she could put up some art work so he did beacuse of her buying the cigarettes but bare in mind he has already put - skirting boards all the way around her living room - sorted out her live wirering around her living room so it's safe for her. Put blinds up in her bedroom and kitchen.
But Sunday she was banging on our door like there was a emergency my partner was asleep due to working nights so rushed down the stairs and she said quick I just fell off steps and hurt my finger ( while showing him her finger) nothing was there. "trying to put this mirror up in my bathroom"
So he said I havnt got my tools thinking she would let him go back to sleep but she didn't take no for a answer. So he went in to do it. There was no ladder and no tools so she hadn't even tried to do it herself! Shock so he put it up for her anyway. Just won't people advice how are we meant to stop her keeping asking to do things as he is too nice of a person to say no or saying something else without being rude.

OP posts:
Original poster
paige321 · 12/02/2019 13:20

She also comes to her front window when where coming in full of bags and holding my daughter oh iv got this so he can put this up for me. I mean he didn't mind doing all these jobs at 1st beacuse she is on her own ect but she has been asking to borrow money beacuse she doesn't work due to being ill in some way (don't like to ask) and to take her dogs out like I think there is a boundary being crossed now we have only lived her 4 months so what's this year is she going to be asking for. I'm really in a hard situation beacuse my partner is really she'll shock that the way she banged on the door like a emergency to put w mirror up when he could of waited. I think we've helped her to much now she thinks it ok to ask whenever

OP posts:
punishmepunisher · 12/02/2019 13:21

You need to learn to say NO.

Knitwit101 · 12/02/2019 13:22

She asked you to put money towards her dog

Original poster
paige321 · 12/02/2019 13:22

@punishmepunisher it's easier said than done we have tried and she start to cry or just not takin no for a answer don't wanna be rude as we have to live next door to her.

OP posts:
AfterSchoolWorry · 12/02/2019 13:24

Stop being such a pair of doormats and tell her no. You're not dealing with a reasonable person here!

Add long as you continue to be so weak and obliging she's going to use you to the max! Don't you see that? Get assertive!

Please tell me you didn't put money twords her dog!?

Original poster
paige321 · 12/02/2019 13:24

@Knitwit101 yep she really wanted a French bulldog and he was £1500 she doesn't have a lot of money so most people wouldn't do it unless they saved. But oh no she put down £100 from her daughter ask her mum which is like 70 for £500 ask us for £200 which we said no too. I don't really know how she got the rest tbh

OP posts:
Constantlurker · 12/02/2019 13:25

Hang on...did you give her money to buy a dog???! Tell me you did not give her money towards a new dog because your daughter played with the old one a few times????

You sound like a lovely family but you know full well she is taking the royal piss.

From now on just say no. I know it's awkward but honestly if this is what has happened in 4 months it is going to get so so so so so much worse.

AfterSchoolWorry · 12/02/2019 13:25

Let her cry! Yes, you have to live next door to her but you have to learn to be assertive. If she doesn't like it, tough! Assertiveness is a life skill.

Lightofday · 12/02/2019 13:28

Definitely taking the p. Unfortunately you have to start saying no. If u want you could go over there and ask for a quick chat and say that waking hubby up when he works nights like that, wasn't really ideal. But...if it were me I'd just start saying no in future. Or even, not answering the door. I think...she probably isn't quite right in the head (I mean, who asks others to help them buy a dog?!). But whether it is a mental issue or a personality disorder..who knows. Either way, backing off slowly is probably key. But definitely start by saying no in future to her requests and be firm about it. 'I'm sorry but my husband is really busy these days'

Perhaps you could even give her a diy for dummies book or something, next time she comes round just have it at the ready and say 'I'm sorry but I think he"s done enough. But here, you might find this useful. My treat' xD Not that she would take the hint I am guessing but so that in future you can just say 'use the book, you have to learn these things for yourself'.

Original poster
paige321 · 12/02/2019 13:30

@AfterSchoolWorry no we bloody didn't. Haven't given her a penny. We stayed away when she was saving for that dog. And she got all funny about that slamming her front door every time she went out! Can tell what she's going to be like if we start saying no to everything.

OP posts:
punishmepunisher · 12/02/2019 13:30

And get a ring doorbell and camera so you can see who is at the door. Don't answer.

Seeleyboo · 12/02/2019 13:32

Tell her your husband has had a heart scare and can't do any diy for the foreseeable.

MaybeDoctor · 12/02/2019 13:33

‘No, Dave can’t do it anymore. He has found out that he’s not insured to do extra work.’

Original poster
paige321 · 12/02/2019 13:33

No we did not pay for the dog!!
Just to clear that up.

I know but we felt sorry for her being on her own and now it's come to a point where your taking the piss.

I did think about knocking for her or when I see her saying it pissed him off but I'm not very good with words as you can tell lol

So I end up saying something wrong and she seems like the type to get narsty and stuff don't really want that we just want simple life as a little family lol

OP posts:
Original poster
paige321 · 12/02/2019 13:37

@Constantlurker It's definitely got worst these last weeks I'm literally running in my house with my daughter so she don't catch me 😂 it's stupid and I need to grow a pair which I'm normally quite alright with but he she's just crazy and iv heard horror story's about neighbours! Lol but Yh she's asked my husband for money for her rent well hinting like I'm behind on my rent this month he we oh god. She said "yes £140" like why would you say that. I feel like ringing her neighbour as she already owe his £4000 but he put that on hold until she loves out and put her rent down and she still can't afford to live there I hope she just has to loves out

OP posts:
Loulzze · 12/02/2019 13:37

‘No, Dave can’t do it anymore. He has found out that he’s not insured to do extra work.’

^this

Nip it in the bud now, it'll be a hell of a lot worse in 6 months!

Original poster
paige321 · 12/02/2019 13:39

@MaybeDoctor that is a good one actually!

OP posts:
Constantlurker · 12/02/2019 13:39

I think you have 2 options here.

Option 1: start politely saying no. Repeat repeat repeat no matter how much she cries. Just say that youre sorry but you have a busy family life and you want to be neighbourly, but she is crossing a line now and you are starting to feel uncomfortable. so you will absolutely be polite and friendly and don't want to fall out but you need some distance. Your husband is not a free handyman and she managed to survive way before you moved in.

Option 2: say nothing. She continues to ask for help. Requests start getting more elaborate, you end up cooking her dinner 3 times a week, paying for her dog's food, walking it 3 times a day, taking her kid to school. Over the months and years it will be a daily rage-inducing struggle. You will become miserable, start to argue with your husband and eventually sell the house and leave the place you love to move somewhere else because you didn't nip it in the bud before it got out of control.

Seems dramatic, but honestly do you see it ending any other way???

Original poster
paige321 · 12/02/2019 13:42

@Constantlurker yes your totally right. 1st option is my only option

OP posts:
Lightofday · 12/02/2019 13:42

Had a similar exp with a woman that lived across the road, it seemed that especially if I was busy with something else, she suddenly needed a favor. Eg: one day she knew my family were visiting as started obsessively texting to say her blinds had fallen down again (I'd gone over to help her fix them the day before) and her internet wasn't working so could I go online and find 3 places that sold blinds and compare prices for her!? Turned out she had a cluster b personality disorder. Totally psycho.

I got away, not without a torrent of abuse of course. But it was worth it. Ya just gotta start saying no, and hope the fireworks are over with quickly.

Ingurr · 12/02/2019 13:43

Surely this can't be genuine.

Nodrama999 · 12/02/2019 13:46

But her a DIY guide (charity shops have loads) wrap up with a note saying something like
“We appreciate you want to make your home lovely here is a guide to help”
If she asks again then just tell her that he works and when he is at home he wants to relax and spend it with his family, not working for free.
We get it loads when people find out what DH does for a living, I just say no problem, I’ll send him round and then I will email a quote over

OfficeSlave · 12/02/2019 13:46

You both have to be firm. Better her slamming doors and being nasty than having to endure YEARS of being under the thumb of someone who is quite clearly entitled and unreasonable. May be mh problems but even still, your husband should have said 'im on nights and sleeping' , closed the door and gone back to bed. I too am bad at being direct but you just have to learn to.
On way back from car 'Sorry cant stop' and dont respond to questions. It could be seen as rude maybe, but she is being rude and invading your space. You have no choice.
'sorry xxx won't be able to help with things like that anymore' no explanation needed, shut door.
I find, bright, breezy and consise works best, dont get reeled in, don't engage in convo or to questions, simply dont reply other than 'sorry, can't stop' , if she calls you over DON'T walk over etc. Small things but they help.

Original poster
paige321 · 12/02/2019 13:47

@Lightofday tbh that's what I don't want it getting to when I have a young daughter. It was dribs and drabes at 1st and now it's like everyday! So yes we have been avoiding her since she banged on the door.

OP posts:
Twooter · 12/02/2019 13:49

If she’s got a French bulldog she’ll probably need lots of money for vet fees soon, so fall out with her quick!

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